Large gents can now stop their string vests from retracting back up their bellies, by the simple use of a new invention - the 'Newtonian vest weight'.
This device appears to have solved the 'short vest' problem, which has eluded the portly aging man for years. The concept is that a set of these weights are attached to the ends of the appropriate string vest, thereby serving to keep the clothing stretched, and in place.
'It's a blinking miracle,' declared Mr. I.B. Stout from London. Now I can dig out and wear all my old vests - and properly too!'
The weights retail at £14.99 a set, and ideally should be bought for use with Newtonian cotton string vests (which retail at £49.99 a pair). These possess ready-to-hang weight hooks.
As the Newtonian TV advert claims: 'The vest things come to those who weight.'
