John Terry News Update: He Did It For The Irish

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 9 February 2010


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Some of them will NEVER AGAIN get the chance ...

John Terry, the Chelsea and former England football team captain, has told friends he is almost as sorry for shagging Wayne Bridge's ex-girlfriend, as Frenchman Thierry Henry said he was for handling the ball in the build-up to France's goal in the World Cup play-off game against the Republic of Ireland.

That is, not sorry at all.

Henry controlled the ball with his hand before passing to another Frog, who scored to effectively dump the Irish out of the World Cup, something many of the Irish lads will never again get the chance to play in. That's serious.

Terry, meanwhile, had it off with his mate's bird. That's not quite so serious, is it?

The media being what it is though, it's as if he has stoked the fires of Hell by 'seeing to' Miss Vanessa Perroncel, coincidentally another Frog, and has suffered the severest consequences as a result. Only last Friday, Terry was relieved of the England football team captaincy, becoming the first England captain to be sacked from the prestigious position for shagging his mate's girlfriend.

One pundit, Alan Hansen, said:

"JT is a terrible example for children to follow. Young kids will think it is perfectly normal to go round shagging their best friend's bird, and this will lead to thousands of unwanted playground pregnancies."

Another though, the clown Mark Lawrenson, speaking in an interview for the BBC who, incredibly, use part of your Licence Fee to pay for his services, said:

"JT did it for the Irish. He's alright in my book. Good on 'im!"

Thierry Henry was unavailable for comment as he was having a manicure on France's pre-World Cup tour of exotic lands.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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