Life At The Moorview Institute, Chapter Twenty One

Funny story written by Throckmorton Turdblossom

Tuesday, 9 February 2010


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Life At The Moorview Institute
Chapter Twenty One

Mark Lowton
Administrator Mark Lowton was troubled.

It wasn't because he had laundry worker Eddie Valdez chasing after him (in a gay way). It wasn't because he had Dr. Lippshitz chasing after him (in a gay way). It wasn't because Amazon woman Gertie, the former Bulgarian weight lifter who worked as a guard, was chasing after him. It also wasn't because staff and patients seemed to be dying left and right.

He also wasn't troubled that medical student Eloise Altoids wouldn't give him the time of day (or a blow job). It didn't really weigh on his mind that computer problems had lowered his readership and pissed off several of his writers. The fact that he was over budget in several of his departments also was not his primary cause for concern.

Mark was upset because the cafeteria had informed him that there would be no toasted sandwiches ("toasties") for breakfast, lunch, or dinner today.

At breakfast, he had to put up with chipped beef on toast. He knew that men in the military for years had referred to this dish as "shit on a shingle" and thought that it tasted pretty much like that. In fact, today's meal had been a little bit crunchy. He thought that it was just some bone meal that wasn't fully ground in or hard pieces of the toast, but it tasted suspiciously like toe nails.

He also saw while in the dining room that the lunch menu for the day would be "West Style Hamburgers." Mark thought that he needed to tell whoever made out the board that it should read "Western" instead of "West", but figured that they probably had their reasoning, so left it alone. Maybe it was a tribute to that Dean West patient who had died a few days ago, or something.

What was it Dr. Ward had said? Heart attack on the operating table, or something like that.

When he got back to his office, he saw a note on top of his paperwork pile on his desk.

I need to talk to you. You need to know the truth about what is going on here. Meet me in the laundry at 10:00 tonight.

It was signed simply with an "L" and included a P.S.:

Don't eat the burgers.

Lowton, of course, wrote it off as just another paranoid delusion from one of his patients and threw it on top of his out box.

A few minutes later, while Mark was reviewing the third quarter budget for crayons and KY Jelly, Dr. Ward knocked on his door and walked in without awaiting acknowledgement.

"Are we still on for that round of golf this afternoon? Do you need me to round up a few caddies?"

Mark smiled at the doctor and checked his appointment book. No, he seemed to still be free in the afternoon.

As far as the caddies.....Mark wasn't permitted to leave the grounds to play on the local golf course. Instead, he and Dr. Ward played eighteen holes on the Wii system in one of the game rooms.

Lowton still enjoyed, however, the feel of walking through nature and having some poor sap carry your clubs. After each hole, he'd leave the room, walk around the building, and then make his caddy go up and down a staircase to simulate walking across the links.

Maybe some day he'd invest in a golf cart, but for now....

He set a time to meet the doctor and asked him to arrange for the caddies. Hopefully, Ward wouldn't get any more of the deranged loonies from the deviant wards again. A female had performed strange acts on herself with his favorite four wood and seven iron, while a male had just beat the meat for two solid hours.

Maybe Ward would be traditional and pick up a few minorities or something....

After Ward left, Mark noticed that the note was no longer on the top of his outbox. No matter, it was probably just a crank thing anyway. He'd probably buried it under something else.

He noted the laundry room meeting time at 10:00 in his planner and went back to reviewing budgets.

Dr. Ward
Dr. Ward was worried. He'd seen the letter sitting on top of Lowton's outbox and wondered if it had anything to do with him. The warning about the hamburgers also worried him and seemed to be the clincher.

While Mark was looking through his appointment book, he'd noticed that there was no notation for ten o'clock this evening. Ward would have to make that appointment himself and take care of anyone who was trying to interfere with his little scam.

He'd do some research between now and tonight to find out just who "L" could be. Maybe one of his buddies down at the police station, who he was also paying off, could run fingerprint analysis on the paper for him?

He'd probably also have to take care of that Eloise Altoids girl. She'd probably seen to much and he just didn't trust her.

She had a nice rack, and he'd hate depriving the world of a perfect set of titties, but sometimes things just had to be done.

Maybe he'd find a way to lure her into the laundry at 10:15 that night? He'd kill two birds with one stone, as the saying went, and also have another 300+ pounds of meat for the slaughterhouse. With the way beef prices were going, every $2.00 a pound he got for raw product helped.

Hopefully, Altoids didn't have any breast implants. The butcher hated it when his meat had fillers.

He crumpled the note in his hands and threw it at a waste basket, forgetting that he was going to take it in for fingerprinting, and headed for his office. He needed to listen to something soothing for a few minutes to take his mind off of things.

Eddie Valdez
Eddie Valdez turned a corner just after Dr. Ward had thrown the note in the trash.

His reading wasn't so good, but it maybe looked important. He recognized the name of his beloved Mark Lowton on the top and tried to make out the words. Maybe he shouldn't have dropped out of school, but it was hard to read and learn in the days before they had any special ways to identify dyslexia.

From what Eddie could tell, Mark wanted to talk to someone. There was something also about telling the truth and being in the Laundry at 10:00 at night.

Eddie didn't understand how this note which was obviously meant for him would have been thrown away, but he was going to be in the laundry. He was going to see his beloved! Maybe Mark would finally open up on his feelings and the two of them could consummate their passions.

He carefully folded the love letter and placed it into his pocket.

He also wondered....what was wrong with the hamburgers?

Eloise Altoids
Medical Student Eloise Altoids got a note from Dr. Ward when she came in that day. It asked her to meet him that night in the laundry room at 10:15. He wanted her to help him find some evidence from surgery that seemed to have been misplaced, and he thought that it might be in the laundry.

Since Eloise got off her shift at 9:50, she figured she'd just go to the laundry at 10:00 and get an early start.

Martha Hobbs
Martha Hobbs sat with Eloise at lunch that day, pining for the young, blonde haired beauty in front of her. She knew that it was a sin to desire someone of the same gender, but felt that her sexual feelings and passions were born of God and approved of him. Hadn't he been responsible for her flipping open her Bible to Song of Solomon?

She wasn't listening too clearly to what Eloise said, but heard something about "the sheets" and "laundry room" and "10:00 tonight."

Was Eloise propositioning her, or was she just saying that she was meeting someone else for an assignation?

With stumbling in her voice, Martha asked "would you like me to be there in the laundry with you at 10:00 tonight?"

With ears confused only by love, Martha mistook Eloise and her enthusiasm for the help as matched lust.

Would tonight be the one that Martha could finally quench her forbidden love?

Bobby Lee
Bobby Lee put his wallet back underneath his mattress. This week, he was ready. He'd saved the cash and read some more books on gambling.

Tonight, at the weekly poker game in the laundry room, he was going to take down those others and win a big pot.

He couldn't wait until 10:00.

Luther gathered his evidence into a couple of folders. He had copies for Lowton (which he'd give him tonight) and for the police (which he would turn in tomorrow).

Everything seemed to be set for his late night meeting with Lowton, where he'd reveal everything that was going on right under the poor fool's nose.

Would he actually show up and then be a man about this, or was he the fudge packing pussy that Luther had long suspected.

He'd learn tonight, at 10:00, in the laundry room.


If you are interested in reading other chapters in the Moorview saga, here they are:

Spending Time At The Moorview Institution (An Introduction) .

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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