London - (Ass Mess): The man who presided over the biggest banking sector cockup in recorded history is stepping down, reluctantly, to collect his hard-earned $$$s pension.
Hector Pants, 69, oversaw genius moves such as the collapse of the Northern Crock Bank, the near bankruptcies of Royal Bank of Snotland, HBOS and scores of lesser gambles that almost destroyed the City of London.
In addition to a multi-million pounds golden goodbye rake off Pants is confident of collecting a gong from the Queen - "probably a Companion of Dishonor" like retired royal Cuntts & Co banker Ronnie Biggs.
Sources close to the Governor of the Bank of England say Pants is likely to be replaced by a relative of the Kray twins, a KGB/Mossad double agent of both.
Chancellor Alistair Darling remains in a partially vegetative state, colleagues reckon.
