Spoof Fan Mail Received in January, 2010

Funny story written by Throckmorton Turdblossom

Thursday, 4 February 2010


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Yes, we do get mail

Every magazine receives fan mail, even an on line publication such as this one. Some of this mail will be complimentary of stories or of the publication in general, while other letters condemn us for articles or jokes that were found to be offensive to them.

Below are some of the highlights of mail received in the past months from the readership of The Spoof:

Letter from "Chesty" in Nashville, Tennessee
Dear Spoof,

What's all this shit I been reading about Taylor Swift having small titties? I think Taylor's got the finest rack of any girl on music row. They may not be as big as Dolly Parton's, but you know that anything more than a handful or a mouthful is just excess.

Besides, none of my, er, her lovers has ever had anything bad to say about my, er, her boobs. They generally talk about how good Taylor is with her mouth anyway, and that's what's most important when you are a singer.

Letter from Bubba in Little Rock, Arkansas

Deer Surs,

Watt have eye been seaing? Ewe arr macon phun of my home in Arkansas. It's a nice place wiff good folks un lots of educashion. i think we smell pretty and so do my wife and sister. The two uf us really like it hear, so stop macon fun of Arkansas.

Letter from Abdul Rahad in London:

To the infidels of the Great Satan of the Spoof,

Burn in hell. You shall all burn in hell. Suicide bombers are not good enough for you offspring of pigs.

How dare you insinuate that we sleep with sheep! We may enjoy their sexual pleasures in a barn or in a field, but we do not sleep with them or permit them into our bedrooms!

We are also not all bloodthirst murderers set on world domination who want to kill all Christians; a few of us have Downs syndrome and are very nice and pleasant.

The insinuation that we never bathe is also offensive. Of course we have bathed! The Ayatollahs in our schools will not have sex with our boys if their backsides are crusty!

Enjoy the bombs that we send to blow your headquarters off the face of this planet, you sons of a she-dog.

Letter from Anonymous reader in Beverly Hills, California
Hey, did you guys forget about us? This letter is from Britney, Nicole, and Paris.

We have not read anything lately in your pages about our tits, vaginas, asses, or sex lives.

We're still relevant! We still matter! Please put us back in and we'll promise to do skanky stuff.

Letter from Springfield, Illinois
See! See! This letter is printed in your magazine! I knew it would be! I knew you couldn't ban me forever! I'm going to rate this letter! I'll rate it thousands of times! This letter will make me the most popular writer on The Spoof! I'll bitch slap anyone who says it won't! Now, pass me a brandy and help me find the five star button!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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