Written by Morse

Thursday, 4 February 2010


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image for Life At The Moorview Institute-Chapter 19
Dr. Ward's Nefarious Receipe for Riches: Ragu of Dean; Slightly Pounded!

Soon after he had dispatched the slightly insane Dr. Phineas Barger, seen to the welfare of a well shaken up Eloise Altoids, and assured her of comfort later that evening, Luther retired to his room, carefully locked the door, retrieved his journal and then moved to the secret panel in the back of the closet.

Releasing the hidden latches, Luther pulled out a large black board on coasters which he wheeled into the room close to his desk.

The black board was an idea he had conceived after watching Glenn Beck connect a myriad of conspiracies, nefarious government deeds, and affairs of adultery, incest and nepotism on TV.

Just recently Luther had begun to plot the plots, sub plots, characters and sub characters as they connected to each other at Moorview, an exercise not in his job description, but well worth his efforts so that he could be on guard at all times in case the fortunes of war turned against him and he was forced to disappear himself.

His thoughts were interrupted by a light tap on his door, and then a note was slipped under the threshold. He knew it must be a matter of some urgency, as he only received notes directly when things had taken a turn for the worse, or in case of extreme sexual emergency.

Wearing a frown, Luther retrieved the note, tore off the wax seal, ignored the fragrance of Lilly of the Valley, and read quickly.

"Worse than I thought," he thought, thoughtfully," Ward is reselling corpses to the purveyors that supply fresh meat to the kitchen! No wonder the Chili has been slightly crunchy lately...they haven't ground the meat properly!" The note was signed with the wet lip imprint of Eloise. Absently he sniffed the envelope and smiled; as he expected she used her nether lips to seal it again!

Luther cringed when he thought of the recent Haggis Special served on Robert Burns day....he wondered whose stomach lining had been used to encase the stuffing of 'pork, liver & kidneys'! He thought back to Lowton's comment after the first bite, "Tastes like Horse Cock," he probably wasn't far from the mark and every one new his history as a gourmand and bon vivant.

Moving to the blackboard, Luther added some new sub headings, drew interconnecting lines and stepped back to study the chart. He was soon going to need either a bigger board, write smaller, or use smaller chalk, it was getting full.

A recent concern was the sudden interest of inmates to form a union, suddenly spurned on by a new inmate, Martin Shuttlecock. He figured Shuttlecock for a Union Man as he was pushing for an "Inmates Free Choice Act' requiring an open vote more commonly known as a 'Nut Check'.

Luther was immediately suspicious after reading the charter for the union, which closely paralleled the SEIU, Service Employees International Union that threatened to shut down all economic progress in the US. "Just what we need," mused Luther, "the inmates running the asylum...I bet Lowton wouldn't like that much!"

The chart now showed Ward signed off on 1,176 deaths linked to 'natural causes', a marked improvement in his life style including a Rolex Wall Clock in the infirmary to call 'Time', a sleek Jaguar in the parking lot during the summer, and a top of line Range Rover for those icky winter days in Illinois.
"Bet he beats his wife too," mused Luther.

The Line ran from Ward to the Springfield Meat Processing & Bulk Provisions Company, a shell he was sure, and then back to the kitchen..a continuous loop...bodies out, hamburger and cash back in, it was an endless and bitter cycle to chew on, let alone Swallow!

Luther had still not connected the construction of the new wing given on a no bid cost plus contract to a mysterious Irish Contractor. Based on the latest revelations he was sure a little investigation would show sub standard workmanship and materials, cost over runs, change orders, and a flow of cash from Fergus McCarthy, LLC, straight back to a hidden account for Dr. Ward. The man had no shame...he was raking it in faster than he could spend it! And the Irish Man...well, everyone knows about them, Bastards! In addition there was the matter of Ward's self portrait presented at the grand opening.
Ward on an island, next to a little cabin, and encased in bunch of
'Happy Clouds.' Luther wondered if Bob F****g Ross would ever DIE!

Hanging out and not connected to anything was the projected arrival of three government detainees promised him by his clandestine contact Jill, and his directive to terminate all three forthwith. Luther simply put that under the heading of his 'To Do List' with 'take out garbage', 'dust blinds' and 'take your vitamins.'

The Disposal would be no problem, but the other items were of some concern to Luther. He wondered if after his next assignment he should take retirement and adjourn to his secret villa in Majorca and tend to his private interests as owner of the popular Beach Bar known widely in international circles as " La Nutz."

The retirement scenario was attractive, but so was the alternative. Staying on at Moorview, terminating those who deserved terminating, while carrying on his alter ego of Dr. Feel Good, administering to an ever growing lists of eager and nubile concubines, was anyone's dream job in an upside down world.

Eloise, and her active fantasy life, was on top of his list of favourites, but the recent sexuality he had awakened in the long slumbering librarian Martha Hobbs, was not to be ignored.

He made a point to himself to arrange an explosive and most satisfying menage a trois at the next available opportunity. He planned to discuss it with both them separately, and build them up to a crescendo of tumultuous love making. Sunday after Chapel seemed the perfect time!

Luther decided to make some rounds prior to his midnight meeting with Eloise. He slowly walked down the corridor of G Wing, immaculate as usual, no dust balls in the corner, the guy known as "the sweeper' was fastidious,and thorough, if somewhat obsessive compulsive in his actions.

He spun through the kitchen to see Boswell, who was sipping a cordial while contemplating a few hunks of recently delivered fresh meat and their grade stamps.

'How's it hangin, Bos?"

"Dunno, Luther, somethin strange here with this grading system."

"How's that?"

"Used to get USDA grades, but just been noticing these batches can't quite be made out. Look at this one....isn't that half a heart with an arrow through it?
And this leg of lamb, doesn't this look like the top of a naked girl? And what about this lamb's tongue with a piercing innit? Never seen the like!"

Luther calmed his suspicions, not wanting Bos to get too interested.
'Probably nothing, you know those meat packers and government inspectors. They just love pulling someone's leg, no pun intended"

"Yer right Luther. Them Pricks! Had me going there for a minute!"

Luther decided to head outside to the motor pool to see Herbie. Now there was a package, he was probably making almost as much skim money as Ward with his contraband sales to inmates.

Luther surprised him under the inmate bus, removing some false panels and carefully unloading a few cases of Stella, a few thousand coloured pills, and a couple of still uninflated blow up sex dolls.

"Ooops...didn't mean to interrupt Herbie!"

"No prob Luther, just collecting my inventory for my 10% off sale tomorrow.
Things are getting tight in this economy, and Medicaid has cut down my services claims for the inmates."

Luther didn't mind Herbie's little business. What he provided kept the inmates quite satisfied and docile. As far as he was concerned, Herbie was a necessary evil which made his job easier.

"Catch you later, Herbie!!"

"Har, Har, Har, good one Luther, not bloody likely you cheeky bastard!"

Luther headed back to his room, another hour and everyone would be asleep and he could change into his stealth outfit for his visit to Eloise.

Who was he going to be tonight...Oh yes...Ted Turner, and Eloise was going to be Fitness Freak and Cong Dong Lover Jane Fonda..he plotted the scenario.

"Jane" straddling his cannon crying out in ecstasy! He wondered if she knew why Ted was called 'The Mouth of the South,' no matter, she would soon find out, and in the throes of her enjoyment, he would heighten her pleasure by discussing what was in store next time when they met with the librarian, Martha and a scenario for scenes reprised from "Three's Company".
Eloise would make a grand Suzanne Somers, and even had a better body.

Luther recalled what Tiger Woods recently said during confession at a sex institute, "Two is a party, but three is definitely a f*****g world class event!"

Luther made a note to keep Eloise away from any of the English Tabloids.
My God, if she saw the latest Soccer Madness, she'd want him to suit up every swinging dick in G Ward for a Scrimmage...now that would be one match that certainly wouldn't end with a tie...Eloise was incapable of blocking any shots on her goal!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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