Ann Widdecombe demands French Electro House for Everyone

Written by Bill Licks

Thursday, 4 February 2010

image for Ann Widdecombe demands French Electro House for Everyone
'Daft Punk are playing at my house'

Pit-bull faced Politician, Ann Widdecombe has been doing the rounds today on just about every bloody news channel barking on about MPs expenses again.

Better make sure you keep the receipts for the three Starbuck lattes you had Ann - plus the Cajun chicken wrap, a pack of Nurofen, two pairs of tights, the four-pack of rabbit and chicken flavoured Kit-e-cat, the birthday card for your great nephew and the pack of Marlboro lights you bought for your chauffeur. And get them in to payroll before the end of the month so you'll have a nice bumper pay packet to look forward to in March.

She happily ignored all questions put to her by the interviewers and prattled on in her usual condescending way, but at the end of each interview she was clearly heard stating, 'Everyone deserves Justice'.

It's common knowledge amongst members of the House of Commons that Widdecombe has a penchant for German Happy Hardcore but this latest revelation, that she is now into a group at the forefront of French synthesised electro music, is a surprise to everyone.

'Eet ees un grand surprise' exclaimed Gaspard Auge, one half of the Grammy nominated dance act, Justice. 'I 'ad no idea zat your Anglais politicians 'ad such eclectic tastes in ze musique. I always imagined ze fans of Justice to be; 'ow should I put zis; peut-etre smelly and unwashed with les yeux as big as saucepans from taking too many 'appy tablets if you comprende what I mean?'

'Now zat we know our appeal ees more universal' added other member Xavier De Rosnay, 'You can expect un more mature sound when we release our new album later zis year.'

'We 'ope to see zis Widdecombe woman at ze front of ze audience when we next perform in Londres. I 'ope zat she will lift up her top and show me 'er grande titties', laughed Gaspard.

This isn't the first time a politician has publically declared their affections for indie dance acts live on TV. Gordon Brown famously revealed his favourite band at the end of his leadership acceptance speech in 2007.

'I shall always try my utmost.'

'I am ready to serveā€¦.'

'But first I'm off down the Brixton Academy to see LCD Soundsystem and get fucking twatted.'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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