There were 1,228 spoof news stories published in September 2009. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Rob Pattinson Foot Fetish Too Much for Kristen Stewart, She Reveals
VANCOUVER, B.C. - While most young ladies seem to worship the ground Robert Pattinson walks one, Kristen Stewart revealed that she just does not have the stomach for her British costar's smelly feet - or his foot fetish. The 19-year-old American a...
Read full storyKanye Interrupts Swayze Funeral, Says Jackson's was Better
Even as the buzz on Twitter, Facebook, and the universe of entertainment news outlets is humming with the discussion of the hip-hop star's outrageous antics at the MTV Videao Music Awards, Kanye West doubled down on his image as an outspoken and no-h...
Read full storyRob Pattinson Spotted in Maternity Wear with Kristen Stewart!
VANCOUVER, British Columbia - Today, for the first time ever, Robert Pattinson gave photographers a chance to snap some shots of him trying on maternity wear accompanied by gal pal Kristen Stewart! "Guys can be so competitive," explained Stewart.
Read full storySugarbabes Split - again!
Long running soap-opera popular beat combo all girl trio Sugarbabes have split. . .Again. Keisha Buchanan formed the group back in 1998 with then friends Mutya Buena and Siobhan Donaghy. The pressures of popularity, fame, wealth and as many M&...
Read full storyKanye West Disses Taylor Swift, and a New Word is Born
Kanye West's antics at the Sept. 13 telecast of MTV's Video Music Awards prompted a new addition to the vernacular: to "swift" someone. Inspired by the rapper's rude interruption of Taylor Swift's acceptance speech at the live telecast, the verb mean...
Read full storySouth African Hermaphrodite Runner Pregnant With Hermaphrodite
Doctors at the centre of the South African Hermaphrodite case have revealed another twist in the already-boring tale of Caster Semenya, the 800m runner who is 'a bit of both' - she's up the duff! Semenya, 18, is expecting a child after penetrating...
Read full storyMan with World's 2nd Largest Penis Recovering from "Joint Reduction Surgery."
Long Branch, NJ/ Hospital News - A man, far from a " normal" man, is resting comfortably today before commencing rehabilitation exercises after having the world's first "Penis Reduction" performed by noted plastic surgeon Alex "Tight Jaws" Johnson.
Read full storySouth African Runner Hermaphrodite Is A Bit More Man Than Woman
Caster Semenya, the South African 800m she-man at the centre of the 'is she/isn't he' Hermaphrodite scandal, has been checked-out again by doctors, who now say that the runner is a little bit more man than woman. Semenya, who became the world cham...
Read full storyKristen Stewart Denies Rob Pattinson Bonkathon Rumour
Twilight starlet Kristen Stewart today emerged from her trailer at MGM studios in Hollywood to deny rumours that she had taken part in a three day bonkathon with co-star Robert Pattinson. "It's just not true," a tearful Stewart told the assembled...
Read full storyJanet Jackson To Honor Her Pussy At VMA's
New York, New York - From the loft of her 'on again, off again' lover, aging thespian Robert Deniro, Janet Jackson, the singer who caused such an uproar with her wardrobe malfunction at the Super Bowl on February 1, 2004, has announced that she will...
Read full storyKristen Stewart Finally Admits Martha Stewart Is Her Biological Grandmother
NEW YORK CITY - After months of lots and lots of speculation, intonation, contemplation, and guesstimation, unnamed reliable sources have stated that Martha Stewart is in fact Kristen Stewart's biological grandmother. Martha who is 68, and Kristen...
Read full storyNFL Says Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders to Go Topless for National Breast Appreciation Day
Monday Night Football on September 28th will be the concluding event in the day long celebration of National Breast Appreciation Day. To conclude the huge festivities, the NFL has announced that the Dallas Cowboy and Carolina Panther Cheerleaders wi...
Read full storyJessica Simpson's Pussy Snatched By Phoenix Coyotes
Phoenix, AZ - Jessica Simpson's pussy has been snatched by a member of the Phoenix Coyote hockey team, and they want to make it their mascot. An unknown member from the Phoenix Coyote hockey club went unannounced to Jessica Simpson's hotel room la...
Read full storyHusband of Woman with World's Largest Vagina 'Ready' for National Breast Appreciation Day
OSHKOSH, B'Gosh - This morning on Wake the Hell Up America, Johnson Octopops let loose about his bitter break-up with the woman with the world's largest vagina, who he said, "would only beat me off... and smelled like fish." The television "person...
Read full storyMichelle Obama's Birth Certificate Is Missing
WASHINGTON, D.C. - First Lady Michelle Obama has reportedly informed Speaker of The House Nancy Pelosi that her birth certificate appears to be missing. Mrs. Obama said that she recently went to look for her birth certificate when daughter Malia s...
Read full storyLambert's Liner Has Litterally Become His Signature
Reporters caught up today with American Idol contestants Adam Lambert and Kris Allen, only to find that they couldn't even sit in the same room together without being able to cut the tension with a knife. After a long moment of questions followed...
Read full storyFree electricity from water
A man in Hertfordshire has invented a system for generating free electricity from water. His system is set to revolutionise power generation for many homeowners in the UK. Michael Friday explained how his system works: "It's only good for hou...
Read full storyIt's A Cruel World - Writer With Miniscule Penis Goes For A Long Walk
Concerns raised today regarding the well being of Spoof contributor Skoob, who was gutted that fellow Spoofers betrayed him when they made public his concerns over being the not very proud possessor of a Tom Thumb penis. Skoob had aired his anguis...
Read full storyGrandma Lee and Barbara Padilla in Huge Catfight!
LOS ANGELES, CA, SEPTEMBER 11, 2009 …… Grandma Lee's remarks to Barbara Padilla backstage at the America's Got Talent Semi-Finals clearly hit a nerve for the always composed lyric soprano, widely considered the contest frontrunner. "Grandma Lee w...
Read full storyBarbara Padilla and Susan Boyle To Record "Voices Across The Water"
NEW YORK CITY - The singing sensation from Scotland, Susan Boyle, and the singing sensation from Mexico, Barbara Padilla will soon be going into the recording studio and recording a song written by Sir Paul McCartney titled "Voices Across The Water."...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Found ALIVE!
There were scenes of jubilation, combopulation and paedoration outside the Neverland ranch this afternoon, after it was announced that, despite the fact that a grand funeral was held to bury him last week, the King of Pop, Michael Jackosn, was today...
Read full storyPointless Chav Upstaged by even bigger Chav
Girls Aloud "Phenomenon" Cheryl Cole was left speechless on her birthday after being upstaged by a knickerless cavernous crotch flash by her own Mum. The Girls Aloud crotch-rotter hit the town to celebrate her 26th birthday with disease-ridden se...
Read full storyGoogle to Celebrate Boob Day with New Logo
Mountain View, CA - The internet search behemoth Google, well-known for altering their logo to commemorate such events as Thomas Edison's birthday and the 20th anniversary of Zero Wing, has secretly commissioned graphic designers to alter their logo...
Read full storyLady GaGa drops everything in Paris for a bit of Moulin Rouge, I CAN CAN, ooohh!
Shocking the Parisien Paparazzi takes a lot but even they were reeling as Lady GaGa appeared wearing only a pair of hot black panties revealing her hot pink carpet and very "hot lips." She announced to the world that she was on her way to the Moul...
Read full storyDerren Brown Pulls Off Greatest Illusion To Date
Derren Brown tonight, on British television, performed the most sensational illusion of his illustrious career, perhaps more astounding even than correctly predicting last Wednesday's six winning lottery balls, when he seemed to have made the very es...
Read full storyMan with The World's Smallest Penis Arrested For Flashing
Known as the man with the world's smallest penis, Penis Minus Wilson (Not his real name) was arrested Friday for flashing. "It was all a big mistake", Penis told the National Inquisitor. "I ain't got nothing to show." Apparently it all starte...
Read full storyNewly Discovered Phallus Worm Is Named after Kanye West
The National Worm Society has announced the discovery of a new species of worm, a member of phylum Priapulida, a phallus worm. The news was met with great joy among the biological community, and the National Worm Society was asked to give the species...
Read full storyBrown Freshman Week kinky initiation ritual for Emma Watson and Scout LaRue Willis!
Providence, Rhode Island - (Poison Ivy League Mess): 'A lot like the Skull And Bones but without the osteoporosis'. That's how acolytes describe the ceremonial that awaits Scarlet Letter actress Scout LaRue Willis and Harry Potter star Emma Watson...
Read full storyAmerica's Got Talent's Barbara Padilla Knocks Everyone's Socks Off!
HOLLYWOOD - The entire America's Got Talent audience as well as all three AGT judges gave Houston opera singer Barbara Padilla a standing ovation. And that standing O from the judges is extremely rare especially considering the fact that British...
Read full storySouth African Runner Crowned Hermaphrodite 800m World Champion
South Africa's 800m world champion Caster Semenya has undergone gender tests that have concluded the 18-year-old is a Hermaphrodite, and has all the best qualities of both sexes, it has been revealed. The tests were undertaken just hours before s...
Read full storySerena Williams enters heavyweight boxing title fight by mistake
American tennis player Serena Williams today mistakenly entered the WBO heavyweight boxing title fight in Madison Square Garden, New York City, thinking she was entering the US Open tennis championships. 'I had spent the morning working on my tric...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson Possessed By Michael Jackson?
According to Kristin Stewart, co-star Robert Pattinson has began acting very strange of late. "At first, I thought Rob was just screwing around, something he always enjoys, and singing some of Michael Jackson's songs. I mean Michael was great and...
Read full storySerena Williams Tries to Explain Away Her Potty Mouth
Flushing Meadows, New York - "I don't know what happened," said Serena Williams as she took her seat at a table covered in microphones at a press conference she called to explain her unsportsmanlike comments to a tennis courtside judge at the U.S. Op...
Read full storyBill O'Reilly has stroke; IQ soars
News pundit Bill O'Reilly suffered a stroke late thursday evening shortly after the broadcast of his nightly show. He was quickly rushed to the hospital and was stabilized. A Cat Scan revealed and tests revealed that he had a jump in his IQ fr...
Read full storyLost Symbol just a National Treasure rip-off?
It has been suggested that Dan Brown's latest novel steals the plot and vast swathes from the 2004 movie "National Treasure", starring Nicolas Cage and Diane Kruger. Brown, author of the bestselling The Da Vinci Code, just released the sequel, The L...
Read full storyKristen Stewart Celebrates National Ass Appreciation Day
Since September 28th has been designated National Breast Appreciation Day by stories all over the web, it appears that on Friday the 25th of September, Kristen Stewart may have created National Ass Appreciation Day. Apparently Kristen and some of...
Read full storyMasturbation is good for you and could be compulsory by 2010
In Medical News the Government's new Surgeon General Sir Felchington Throb-Gland has announced that Masturbation is good for you, it is also believed that it could be compulsory by the next general election. In a speech from his Hampstead Heath M...
Read full storyObama Calls Kanye a Jackass
WASHINGTON, D.C. - After almost two-and-a-half centuries of repeatedly slamming American politicians for being untrustworthy, pundits across the world are ushering in a new era of complaint by blasting the President for being completely honest. Pr...
Read full storyKristen Stewart Offers Rob Pattinson a Breath Mint
VANCOUVER, B.C. - Kristen Stewart took her offscreen relationship with costar Robert Pattinson one step further today when she supplied the brooding actor with a much-needed breath mint. The act of kindness took place shortly after Stewart was ale...
Read full storyAdolf Hitler Skull Proved That Of Amelia Earhart
A piece of skull with a bullet hole through it that Russian officials have always claimed belonged to German Dictator, Adolf Hitler actually came from a woman, scientists at the University of Massachusetts have concluded. The cranium fragment is part...
Read full storySean Lennon & Girlfriend Pose As Famous Nude John/Yoko Photo
John's son, Sean Lennon and a naked Kemp Muhl (a model and said to be his girlfriend) have recreated the memorable Rolling Stone cover of Lennon's parents, Yoko Ono and John Lennon, taken by Annie Leibovitz, just hours before Lennon was shot to death...
Read full storyPETA Celebrates Kevin Skinner's Win of America's Got Talent - Chickens Rejoice Worldwide - KFC is Devastated
PETA organizations worldwide are celebrating the victory of Kevin Skinner, a chicken catcher from Mayfield, Kentucky, who won America's Got Talent, the popular reality television entertainment contest. PETA, an acronym for People for the Ethical...
Read full storyFDA Warns People to Check Expiration Date on Edible Undies
The Food and Drug Administration is warning consumers to check the expiration date on any packages of edible undies that they might have at home. Once past their expiration date, this product is unsafe to wear and unfit for human consumption. Dr.
Read full story78 year old man gets four hour erection--donates
A seventy-eight year old man in Louisburg, NC has reported that after taking erectile dysfunction medicine, he has regularly experienced a four hour erection. Warnings about this condition appear regularly on the TV ads regardng this and other ED med...
Read full storyKevin Skinner Wins The Whole (Chicken) Enchilada!
HOLLYWOOD - Kevin Skinner and Barbara Padilla stood side-by-side on the America's Got Talent stage. And then host Nick Cannon announced the winner of the $1 million first prize...Kevin Skinner! Skinner started crying, Padilla started crying, and G...
Read full storyKanye West Hijacks President Obama's Microphone
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Kanye West took the microphone from President Obama during a Monday press conference just as the President was being mercilessly grilled about health care. Both the press and the President voiced strong disapproval of West inter...
Read full storyAmerica's Got Talent's Kevin Skinner and Lawrence Beamen Trade Chicken Jokes
HOLLYWOOD - America's Got Talent's two top male singers Kevin Skinner and Lawrence Beamen were back stage at the AGT finals and to pass the time before their final performances they were trading chicken jokes. Skinner asked Beaman what chicken not...
Read full storyKevin Skinner Wins $1 Million Gets Marriage Proposal From OctuMom
LA HABRA, California - About ten minutes after Kevin Skinner won America's Got Talent's top prize of $1 million he got a congratulatory phone call from none other than OctuMom. An unnamed reliable source said that Kevin and Octy had gone out on a...
Read full storyAmerica's Got Talent's Grandma Lee Gets A Standing O
HOLLYWOOD - The feisty 75-year-old Jacksonville, Florida grandmother Grandma Lee brought the America's Got Talent house down with her comedy routine. She said that her fantasy is still to go out on a date with either Piers Morgan or David Hasselho...
Read full storyBanana Shaped Penises linked to Brain Power
THE shape of a man's penis can reveal how sexually and mentally alert he will be in later life, according to new research by the University of Glasgow. Sexologists found that men with more banana shaped penises were less likely to experience a slo...
Read full storyHermaphrodite, Caster Semenya, Endorses Gender Determination Home Testing Kit for Kids
Johannesburg, South Africa - If successful, a generation of men will never know the humiliation of having their mothers show family, friends and their girlfriends their naked baby pictures, because no longer will millions of mothers have to take pict...
Read full storyGrandma Lee, 75, Agrees To Be Adam Lambert's Opening Act
SAN DIEGO - Adam Lambert has confirmed that America's Got Talent's comedian Grandma Lee has in fact been signed to be the opening act in his upcoming 'Lambert Loose on The Land of Music Tour.' The 75-year-old Jacksonville granny makes no secret ab...
Read full storyToby Keith To Kanye West: Come Take My Microphone B*y
NASHVILLE - Country singer Toby Keith is fit to be tied. The highly popular singer says that he would like for Kanye Wuss (West) to jump on the stage the next time he receives an award and take the microphone away from him like he did from sweet litt...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson's Dirty Little Secret
Hot on the heels of the shocking revelation that Twilight star and teen heart throb, Robert Pattinson rarely washes his hair, comes a further damaging revelation from his own mother! It seems that Pattinson isn't all that keen on washing his feet...
Read full storyJaycee Lee Dugard's Attempted Escapes Foiled by Her Abductor's Gardening Skills
Antioch, California - Despite what is being reported in the mainstream media, Jaycee Lee Dugard did attempt to escape, only her abductor's gardening skills frustrated and foiled her endeavors. "Each morning that sick bastard -- I mean the gentlema...
Read full storySusan Boyle Tames The Wild Horses
LONDON - The Scottish singing sensation Susan Boyle has just released her first single and it has gone right through the ranch house roof. The 48-year-old amazing lass recorded the Rolling Stones ballad "Wild Horses." And SuBo's version literally...
Read full storyJon & Kate Gosselin Attempt To Join Mile-High Club Before Divorce Final?
After months of speculation, the 10-year marriage of Jon & Kate Plus 8's stars Kate and Jon Gosselin appears to be coming to an end, or so my sources tell me. However, they may have just given it one last try, although according to the passengers...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart To Star in "The Hors D'oeuvres"
LONDON - Two of the most popular individuals on the face of the Earth, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are set to start filming a new motion picture The Hors D'oeuvres. The latest offering from famed British director Sir Alfred Burgess Braxt...
Read full storyVenus Williams Makes a Woman of Caster Semenya
In a surprise development, tennis star Venus Williams announced her engagement to embattled South African runner Caster Semenya. Caster, who has endured numerous questions about her gender, eagerly showed off the 5 carat engagement ring at a press co...
Read full storyMan found in flat with penis stuck in mouth
A man has been found in a flat with another man's penis stuck in his mouth - literally! It is believed that the man who was having oral sex performed on him, was worried that he would not be able to "cum". He, thus, devised a plan where whilst rec...
Read full storyGreat White Sharks Tag Massachusetts Marine Fisheries Workers
CAPE COD, MA - The Massachusetts Division of Marine Fisheries has been tagged by two great white sharks off Cape Cod, state officials said Sunday. Friday evening's event marked the first time a great white shark has successfully tagged a human in...
Read full storyAmerica's Got Talent's Grandma Lee Says She Voting For Barbara Padilla
HOLLYWOOD - Seventy-five-year-old Grandma Lee confided to America's Got Talent co-host Nick Cannon that after hearing Barbara Padilla sing on the shows finale she is voting for the gal from Guadalajara, Mexico. Abuela Lee as Barbara calls her sai...
Read full storyNew Moon Leaked, Girls' heads' Explode!
There was outrage today from parents whose teenage daughters' heads exploded after watching The Twilight Saga: New Moon full movie which was leaked on the internet. Seven girls, aged from 13-17, were watching the movie, which was due to come out o...
Read full storyKristen Stewart To Star In "The Kristen Stewart Story"
LONDON - It has been announced that Kristen Stewart is to star in Reginald Chiswickett's The Kristen Stewart Story. Chiswickett is considered to be one of England's most respected producers. He produced four of the James Bond films including Rwand...
Read full story90% Of Attendants To Mary Travers Funeral Believed To Be On Medicinal Marijuana
Danbury, Connecticut - It has been estimated that the vast majority of the prospective attendants to the Mary Travers funeral are on medicinal marijuana, local marijuana grower Hodge Podge has stated. Therefore the church where the funeral is being h...
Read full storyGrandma Lee Livid, Says She's Quitting Show Business
HOLLYWOOD - Less than 24 hours after Grandma Lee lost to Kevin Skinner and Barbara Padilla on America's Got Talent, the Jacksonville, Florida grandmother has said that she is quitting show business. Speaking from her room at The Sisters of St. Cel...
Read full storyJessica Simpson Offers Ex-Boyfriend Tony Romo Lots of Money To Take Her Back
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Singer Jessica Simpson, still depressed about the dognapping of her dog by the California Chupacabra has reportedly called up ex-boyfriend Tony Romo and told him that she will give him a blank check if he takes her back. Tony sti...
Read full storyMackenzie Phillips to Oprah: "The 'Kama Sutra' is just not a very good bedtime storybook at all."
Chicago, Illinois - "Despite what you may hear from me here today about my relationship with my dad," said sober Mackenzie Phillips, offering up dating advice to the young women in the Oprah Show audience after her spine tingling, jaw dropping, mouth...
Read full story"Kentucky" Kevn Skinner Makes Piers Morgan Cry!
HOLLYWOOD - One of the toughest males in show business, Piers Morgan was reduced to tears on the latest edition of America's Got Talent. Morgan, who is in the same league as fellow Englishmen Simon Cowell, when it comes to being downright mean, ca...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie's Sudden Weight Loss Concern To Many
Fans of Angelina who have seen the popular star lately say they are shocked at her weight loss in the past three months. Angelina is five foot seven but some say she has dropped below the one-hundred pound mark. "Her whole appearance has changed",...
Read full storyEvony Ad Ladies To Front Breast Appreciation Day, September 28th
In yet another coup relating to Breast Appreciation Day on September 18th, spoof writer Jalapenoman confirmed that the ladies from the Evony ads would be fronting the contribution to the day's events. The Evony ad ladies have proved to be so popul...
Read full storyMackenzie Phillips: druggy incest with father soothed pre-wedding nerves
Los Angeles - (Reuterus): "Incest, a game that all the family can play? I guess that's why they called the band The Mamas and the Papas," lyricist's daughter Mackenzie Phillips said on TV on Wednesday. The recovering addict was quoting from a memo...
Read full storyMacy Gray, The Dancing With The Stars "Bleep-Bleep" Girl Goes Bye-Bye
HOLLYWOOD - Macy Gray, the official "Bleep-Bleep" girl of Dancing With The Stars has found herself "Gone-Gone." Gray the neo soul, alternative hip hop singer became the first female to be eliminated from the ninth season of DWTS. Her partner Jo...
Read full storyJohn Phillips Ex Wives Say that He Really Wanted Valerie Bertinelli, Not Daughter Mackenzie
Two ex wifes of the late John Phillips said that the Mamas and the Papas singer never wanted to sleep with his daughter Mackenzie. Instead, Papa John really wanted to be with her cute, pixie like One Day at a Time co-star Balerie Bertinelli. Mama...
Read full storyPresident Obama Says He Didn't Call Kanye West A Jackass, He Called Him A Dumbass
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama today issued a statement saying that he did not call rapper Kanye West a jackass. The president said that what he did call the rappin' bro was a dumbass. The president was quick to point out that there is a funda...
Read full storySusan Boyle And Grandma Lee's Backstage Shouting Match
HOLLYWOOD - While Kevin Skinner was being crowned The America's Got Talent winner and recipient of a check for $1 million and a Las Vegas performing contract two elderly ladies were backstage shouting up a storm. Scottish singing sensation Susan B...
Read full storyKanye West Told Jay Leno He'll Agree To Wash Taylor Swift's Tour Bus
LOS ANGELES - Kanye West appeared on Jay Leno's new 9 P.M. Show (10 P.M. Eastern Time, 8 P.M. Mountain Time). He was dressed in the same clothes that he wore on the MTV Music Awards Show. Kanye, with his weird maze-looking haircut, sat slouched on...
Read full storyMarilyn Manson Purchases Michael Jackson's Humanitarian Record
LOS ANGELES, CA - In an effort to raise money to pay for the King of Pop's funeral, the cash-strapped Jackson family auctioned off Michael's humanitarian record today to the highest bidder. Going once, going twice... Sold, to Marilyn Manson! Th...
Read full storySusan Boyle: the new Snow White
Has anyone noticed how white Susan Boyle is? Susan Boyle - a white virginal old maid - became an instant star when her rendition of 'I Dreamed a Dream' on Britain's Got Talent was posted on the internet's popular youtube. Most of the youtube hits ca...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars' Maksim and Karina Call Off Their Wedding Engagement
HOLLYWOOD - Dancing With The Stars dancers Maksim Chmerkovskiy (pronounced Coors) and Karina Smirnoff (pronounced Vodka) have called off their wedding engagement. Fellow dancer and close friend Cheryl Burke said that she was shocked to hear the ne...
Read full storyVictoria Beckham, Kylie Minogue And Kristen Stewart Blown Out By Bonkettes
BT Bishop, manager of chart topping girl group 'The Bonkettes' today announced that the search for a fourth Bonkette continues following a number of failed auditions. "We have to take this thing in hand" BT Bishop told us. "We had auditions in cen...
Read full storyGeorge Hamilton's Son Ashley Bounced Off Dancing With The Stars
HOLLYWOOD - Ashley Hamilton, the son of actor George Hamilton and professional wife Alana Hamilton Stewart was the first male contestant to be voted off of Dancing With The Stars. The 34-year-old Hamilton was asked why he thought he lost. He smile...
Read full storyRob Pattinson's Arse Revealed on Martian Surface!
HOUSTON, TX - Scientists confirmed an arse first photographed in the Cydonia region of Mars is actually a likeness of the backside of a celebrity nowhere near the end of his career - Robert Pattinson! Controversy has surrounded the so-called "Arse...
Read full storyPattinson, Stewart Go To See Medium About Vampires
A source has told this reporter that Robert Pattinson and gal favorite, Kristin Stewart thought it would be a lark to go to see a real medium just for the fun of it, and inquire about vampires. Apparently they were told about an old lady in Canada...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson Finally Admits To "Vitamingate"
LONDON - Robert Pattinson, actor, model, singer, and part-time crumpets taster has admitted to BBC's Louella Buckinghamshire that he has been successfully treated for an addiction to vitamin pills. Pattinson said that he first started taking vitam...
Read full storyMary Travers' Last Confession: "Puff the Magic Dragon' Was Not About Pot. It Was About..."
San Francisco, California - "You know that song about a boy and his dragon that I would sing to you all the time?" reminisced Mary Travers in a low soft-spoken voice to her family and friends and a reporter from "Rolling Stone" magazine that gathered...
Read full storyGOP Contemplates Psychological Intervention as Obama's ADHD Revealed!
Washington, DC/ Walter Reed Army Hospital/ Top Secret Medical Update - Political Pundits throughout the nation's capitol huddled in small groups and spoke in whispers discussing a top secret medical report leaked by Joe Biden, confirming what everyon...
Read full storyKristen Stewart Suffering Morning Sickness?
Kristen Stewart has been having to stop some filming scenes of late to hurry to the bathroom on the run. This has set the tongues to wagging as an inside source repeated what he had been hearing, Monday. "Several of the ladies say she is pregnant...
Read full storyDaisy Dog Simpson Found in Desert
Los Angeles, CA: After an intense 4-day search, Jessica Simpson's dog was found alive, 150 miles from where it was reported dognapped. Daisy, a 5-year-old Maltipoo, was dehydrated and dazed, but otherwise had remarkably few injuries for its ordeal.
Read full storySusan Boyle's Album "Since His Penis Came Between Us" Tops Charts
The best-known Britain's Got Talent contestant by far, Susan Boyle, should be really happy to know that her debut album, "Since His Penis Came Between Us" has topped the bestsellers list before its release, according to Radio Music. The album tit...
Read full storyCharlie Sheen Faces Down "Debunkers" on Larry King Live
Los Angeles-Actor Charlie Sheen stirred controversy Thursday night during an appearance on "Larry King Live". Dressed in nothing but a pair of briefs and a tin foil hat, Sheen lived up to his commitment to a panel of three "so-called" 9/11 "debunker...
Read full storySusan Boyle's Restraining Order On Kanye West
A judge has ordered Kanye West to desist from attempting to contact worldwide sensation Susan Boyle. Security was stepped up at the recent America's Got Talent final, with guard dogs positioned around the studio perimeter in case Kanye West attemp...
Read full storyVikings Quarterback Brett Favre In One Hell Of A Mess!
HOUSTON - Texas Rangers Rufus Cutshaw and Dusty Youngwood took Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre into custody immediately following the Vikings 17 to 10 victory over the Houston Texans on Monday Night Football. Cutshaw said that a complain...
Read full storyWolf Blitzer Weighs In on His Devastating Loss at Celebrity Jeopardy
New York, New York - CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer is saying "It's my turn!" after fielding a blitz of media and internet mockery following his humiliating last-place finish on Thursday's edition of Celebrity Jeopardy. Blitzer lost Double Jeopardy with...
Read full storyDanyl Johnson Receives Advice From Susan Boyle
Danyl Johnson, a 27-year-old schoolteacher from Reading, England, who was sent packing from England's "The X Factor" when he first tried out in 2006, had even judge Simon Cowell floored by his recent performance on the talent show. "That was fanta...
Read full storyTaliban Groupie Gets Her Naked Ass Whipped Again
Assera Abida, an Iraqi woman who has a kink for having her naked ass beaten by rods, went through another wonderful episode again Monday, according to a village leader who, from risk of losing his tongue, wanted to remain anonymous. According to t...
Read full storyKanye West Blames His Taylor Swift Outburst On Twinkies
NEW YORK CITY - The audience at the MTV Music Awards did a collective mouth-opening take as Kanye West jumped on stage in the middle of Taylor Swift's acceptance speech for "Best Female Video." The 19-year-old Swift was visibly shocked and shaken...
Read full storyJaycee Lee Dugard Held at Area 51
LOS ANGELES, CA, USA In a press conference at the FBI's Los Angeles office, Tina Dugard, the maternal aunt of Jaycee Lee Dugard, the California woman who mysteriously disappeared eighteen years ago, revealed that Jaycee has been sequestered along wi...
Read full storyChicago Bank Forecloses On Al Capone's Hideaway
CHICAGO - The Lake Michigan Farmer's State Bank of Chicago has just announced that they have had to repossess the 407-acre hideaway complex of 1920's gangster Al Capone. The property which is valued at $2.6 million includes a two-story 20,000 squa...
Read full storyKevin Skinner To Appear In PlayChick
CHICAGO - The Chicago-based women's magazine PlayChick has just announced that America's Got Talent's Kevin Skinner will be appearing in their October issue. PlayChick's publisher Sonora Sofia Tuckerbaum, 38, stated that her magazine has been tryi...
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