Rob Pattinson's Arse Revealed on Martian Surface!

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Friday, 4 September 2009

image for Rob Pattinson's Arse Revealed on Martian Surface!
Best viewing when feature is illuminated from behind at twilight, new moon, and during eclipses.

HOUSTON, TX - Scientists confirmed an arse first photographed in the Cydonia region of Mars is actually a likeness of the backside of a celebrity nowhere near the end of his career - Robert Pattinson!

Controversy has surrounded the so-called "Arse on Mars" since the Viking orbiter first photographed it in 1976.

NASA's Mars Odyssey orbiter sent back more detailed pictures of the cracked feature in July of 2002 that seemed to indicate its appearance was merely a coincidence - a trick played by light and shadows on craters and outcroppings on the Martian surface.

Though that may still be true, intriguing and spectacular images taken by a high resolution camera mounted on NASA's Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter leave no doubt the brooding Martian outcropping is actually an arse, and that arse is Rob Pattinson's!

Researchers at the University of Arizona, Tucson, used advanced computer image enhancement techniques to clean up the arse in NASA pictures taken over the last several weeks.

Just released, a new batch of photos of the feature, henceforth to be known as Posterior Pattinsoni, reveals an alien landscape of crevices, mounds, pockets in the Martian surface, and bizarre, pock-marked features that, when viewed from Earth, describe the bed-headed English actor's arse with incredible refinement.

Pattinson said all the attention he's been getting lately is "a real kick in the bollocks," though he noted his surprise that said bollocks have not been spotted on the Martian surface as well.

"So, my arse is on Mars now, is it? Really?" said Pattinson, chuckling. "They're just inventing stuff, now! It's, it's... it's like all these sorts of crazy people just making stuff up, you know? Sometimes, I wish the whole bloody lot of them would just sod off. I really, really do."

Some indicated the images could even reveal that our own civilization is not the only one to recognize that Robert Pattinson is what's hot.

The nether region is expected to disappear from view again later this year, when it will be obscured by a thick cloud of noxious gases ejected from a feature near the center, which should effectively blanket that portion of the hemisphere for 650+ days.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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