Marilyn Manson Purchases Michael Jackson's Humanitarian Record

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Monday, 7 September 2009

image for Marilyn Manson Purchases Michael Jackson's Humanitarian Record
"Don't you let him NEAR my sick baby!!"

LOS ANGELES, CA - In an effort to raise money to pay for the King of Pop's funeral, the cash-strapped Jackson family auctioned off Michael's humanitarian record today to the highest bidder.

Going once, going twice... Sold, to Marilyn Manson!

The King of Shock Rock reportedly paid $48,400 for the rights to Jackson's long list of charitable contributions and his Guinness world record for being the most charitable pop star, narrowly edging out five other bidders including pop tart Britney Spears for the accolade.

Manson's outrageous style and long legacy as a bad influence on kids will now be balanced by his reputation as a noted philanthropist and humanitarian who takes time off when touring to secretly visit sick children.

As a condition of his receiving the distinction, Manson must take up Jackson's charitable work, visiting sick kids staying over at Neverland Ranch, and supporting Jacko's thirty-nine favorite charities, including the Congressional Black Caucus, the Motown Museum, the Heal the World Foundation, the NAACP, the Make a Wish Foundation, the National Rainbow Coalition, the Rotary Club of Australia, and the United Negro College Fund.

Manson will also be giving free shows at the Watts Summer Festival, and at the YMCA at 28th Street and Crenshaw in Los Angeles.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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