Written by Bureau

Saturday, 26 September 2009

image for Danyl Johnson Receives Advice From Susan Boyle

Danyl Johnson, a 27-year-old schoolteacher from Reading, England, who was sent packing from England's "The X Factor" when he first tried out in 2006, had even judge Simon Cowell floored by his recent performance on the talent show.

"That was fantastic."

"Oh, he'll call you fantastic alright, the best performance ever, you batty old bag and simply wonderful" Susan Boyle reportedly told Danyl Johnson after his performance. "But you just wait until the contract thing comes up. That's when the screws are applied. Where's my cat?"

The lady who has won hearts all over the world, according to Scram! magazine, offered the new singing sensation some expert advice that she says she wishes someone had given her.

"I know what you're going through. Everybody, and I do mean everybody, is after your body, including a talent judge or two."

Boyle went on to tell Johnson that he will never win that way or have any self-respect.

"Have you got a cat?", asked Boyle. "Have I got a cat? Where is it? I'll start screaming again! There he is, come to mama precious."

She then told Danyl that when he made a trip back home, to eat up all the attention he can get because it won't be long until Mr. Jealousy rears his ugly head.

"You better learn to cover your ass too, especially in the showers. I always use a 1920 era swimsuit. The cat just lets it all hang out. Hee Hee! That cat!"

Finally there was, "Never never ever fall in love with anyone in the clergy. Your heart will be broken!"

"Where are my pills?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Susan Boyle

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