Written by smurfette

Friday, 4 September 2009

image for Jaycee Lee Dugard Held at Area 51
With a bit of a mind flip You're there in the time slip And nothing can ever be the same

LOS ANGELES, CA, USA In a press conference at the FBI's Los Angeles office, Tina Dugard, the maternal aunt of Jaycee Lee Dugard, the California woman who mysteriously disappeared eighteen years ago, revealed that Jaycee has been sequestered along with her two "daughters" at Area 51 in the Nevada desert where an intensive investigation is being conducted by several government agencies.

The family's location had been a closely guarded secret since Jaycee Dugard, now 29, reappeared last week.

Initially, police department officials believed Phillip Garrido kidnapped Jaycee Lee as she walked to the school bus stop near her South Lake Tahoe home, raped her repeatedly, fathered two children with her, and held her captive in a hidden backyard compound of tents and sheds behind his home in Antioch, California for 18 years.

In an interview with KCRA-TV, Garrido said he had not admitted to a kidnapping and that he had walked into the FBI's San Francisco office on Monday with Dugard's "daughters" and dropped off several documents concerning Lorentzian traversable wormholes, which allow travel from one part of the universe to another part of that same universe very quickly or allow travel from one universe to another.

The FBI has now revealed that theoretical physicist Garrido was merely a hapless witness when Jaycee Lee literally disappeared into thin air after she stepped into an unstable wormhole back in 1991 and that he has selflessly dedicated nearly two decades to rescuing her.

Garrido toiled constantly as he mapped out a series of intersecting lines into a backyard labyrinth of sheds, tents and outbuildings hoping to discover a transversable wormhole. "I have done it by the side of schools, grammar schools and high schools, and in my own car," Garrido said and admitted that he was startled to finally discover a portal that not only allowed him to rescue Jaycee Lee but two additional clones of her which the FBI refers to as "Starlet" and "Angel."

Wormholes connect two points in spacetime, which means that they allow travel in time, as well as in space, but scientists struggle to explain how all three versions of Jaycee eventually emerged from the wormhole but speculate there must have been a massive disruption of the space time continuum for this event to have occurred.

Tina Dugard said the girls, who are exact replicas of Jaycee at ages 11 and 15, appeared to be bright and very educated, although they were unusually subdued, had unnaturally pale complexions and appeared robotic and rehearsed when they spoke.

Embarrassed law enforcement officials said, "We should have been more inquisitive, more curious and turned over a rock or two," when questioned about their erroneous allegations concerning Garrido.

Outraged neighbors defended Garrido. Monica Adams, 33, whose mother lives on their street, said "He never bothered any one, he kept to himself."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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