Kanye West Told Jay Leno He'll Agree To Wash Taylor Swift's Tour Bus

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 15 September 2009

image for Kanye West Told Jay Leno He'll Agree To Wash Taylor Swift's Tour Bus
The new Jay Leno Building where his new show is filmed (NOTE: The slight earthquake damage.)

LOS ANGELES - Kanye West appeared on Jay Leno's new 9 P.M. Show (10 P.M. Eastern Time, 8 P.M. Mountain Time). He was dressed in the same clothes that he wore on the MTV Music Awards Show.

Kanye, with his weird maze-looking haircut, sat slouched on Leno's new odd-looking out-of-place lounge chairs. The rude rapper was at times very hard to understand.

Several times during the interview Leno told him that he could hardly hear him and that he sounded as if he had crow in his mouth.

West apologized, which is something he has only recently learned how to do. He told Leno, who is noted for having a chin the size of a Butterball turkey, that since the infamous microphone-snatching incident he has received 14,789 emails.

He said that five were favorable and 14,784 were unfavorable. Leno asked him who the five favorable ones were from and Kanye Pest, as Toby Keith and Hank Williams Jr., have nicknamed him said that he would not reveal their names.

Leno insisted that he give him the five names since after all, it was his show. Suddenly West jumped up off his seat, took the mic away from Jay, and said that he wasn't saying and that Beyonce's video was ten times better than the little white girl's video was.

He then realized what he had done and he apologized to Leno, his audience, the cameraman, and the cue card girl.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Larry King revealed that the five people who sent Kanye West favorable emails were Rihanna, Don Imus, Joe Wilson, Mike Tyson, and Serena Williams.]

Leno quickly grabbed his mic back and told Kanye that if he tried a stunt like that again he would have his two 300 pound security guards pounce on him like stink on sh*t, tie him up, put him on a flat bed trailer, and ship his ass back to Atlanta.

Kanye said he was sorry and that right before he came on the show he had eaten seven Twinkies and that he is sure that, that is what is causing him to act strange, weird, erratic and basically like an arrogant, sarcastic A-hole.

When Leno asked him why he ate seven Twinkies, he replied that he is trying to cut down on Ho Ho's.

Jay asked, "The pastry?"

"No the actual bitches." Kanye answered.

Jay then asked him if he had personally apologized to Taylor. He replied that he had called her about 70 times but that the little white (EXPLETIVE DELETED) just will not take his calls.

He said that he did get through to another blonde chick Kelli Pickler, who is Taylor's best friend. Jay asked him what Pickler had said.

Kanye took a deep breath and said that Pickle (Pickler) had told him that if she ever comes face to face with him that she is going to reach down and grab his (blank) and pull the hell out of it like she's pulling the pull rope on an old time lawn mower.

Kanye looked at Leno and mumbled that the Pickle woman is messed up bad. He went on to say that he doesn't know what it is about white girls, but that 29 of his unfavorable emails mentioned the same 'pull rope' thing.

West smiled and said that he personally has a fancy ass riding mower. Leno then leaned over and told Kanye that he had spoken with Taylor Swift right before the show.

West asked, "No sh*t?"

"Yeah Mr. Rude and Crude Dude. I had a real long talk with her. She is really and truly one of the sweetest 19-year-old girls I have ever had the pleasure of chatting with."

Leno said he asked Taylor if she would accept Kanye's apology.She said that she would. Jay then asked her if there was something else that she wanted Kanye to do and she said that she wanted for him to go on the Oprah Winfrey Show and apologize on the air. West said he would do it.

And then Leno said that there was one more thing that Taylor had mentioned she wanted for him to do.

Kanye got closer to Leno and asked "And what be that?"

Jay smiled and said that Taylor wants for him to wash her Taylor Swift Tour Bus. Kanye looked downward and raised his eyebrows and said that he would do it. Leno said he would call Taylor and arrange a date, time, and place.

SIDENOTE: After the show Jay told his musical director Kevin Eubanks that Taylor had not suggested the idea of Kanye washing her tour bus, and that the idea had come from him.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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