WASHINGTON, D.C. - After almost two-and-a-half centuries of repeatedly slamming American politicians for being untrustworthy, pundits across the world are ushering in a new era of complaint by blasting the President for being completely honest.
President Barack Obama's recent comments that pop singer Kanye West is a "jackass" have quickly drawn fire, marking the first time in history a President has been under siege for telling the truth.
"I miss the good ol' days," remarked D.C. native Joel Swanson. "There was a time when there was an unforgivable disconnect between the President and the populace. There was a time when you could count on a politician to avoid, at all costs, saying what was on everyone's mind. There was a time when we could tiptoe around obviously touchy issues with a trademark smile and politely feigned ignorance. The past is gone."
Many political strategists are concerned that this precedent of open dialogue about obvious realities may carry over into the President's official duties. Wayne Jakobsen, political analyst for CNN and contributor to the New York Times, expresses fear over the type of interaction we might expect in the realm of foreign policy:
"We cannot afford, in these trying times, to let it all hang out. It is our jobs to kiss the asses of the Chinese while turning a deaf ear to the human rights violations they commit. We must continue to cater to the Saudi Arabian royal family despite their obvious collusion with known terrorist entities. If we turn to a world in which we call 'em like we see 'em, we might overturn the fragile illusion of peace, cooperation, and global unity we have draped over our communal eyes."
And it all started with Kanye West.
The fact that West is, in fact, a jackass has not been disputed by a single reputable source (although West's website has reportedly issued a statement that the singer is not, per se, a jackass). On Monday night West appeared on 'The Jay Leno Show' to defend himself and apologize, neither of which he was able to do successfully in coherent, recognizable sentences.
"Oh he's a real douchebag, no doubt about it," observed Swanson. "His ego makes Terrell Owens look like Betty Crocker, and I'm almost positive that he can't read. But I'm not the President. I can afford to say the truth. When Obama can rightly take the stance of, say, a Mark Sanford, and sweep his own actions and feelings under the rug, I say the world will be a much safer place."