"Nazi dog" wins Dog Contest
A German wiener-loving Dachshund has won Crufts, after winning medals in the categories of cuteness, obedience, racial purity and genocide. The Dachshund, called Adolf, is owned by a German couple called Mr and Mrs Bimmler, and has been accused in...
Read full storyManchester United No Chance Of Clean Sweep
Staunch Liverpool supporter, Mickey MacWhack, this morning stood on an orange box outside Lime Sreet Station and told fellow scousers not to worry, because hated rivals Manchester United had no chance of making a clean sweep of trophies (a possible s...
Read full storyMiddle class kids "more likely to be gay"
Children born to middle class parents are 50% more likely to be classified as homosexual. Partly this is due to parents desperate to define their children as having an "alternative lifestyle". Mr and Mrs Duponce, of Surrey, said, "We realised our...
Read full storyHull City Reach Last Five Of FA Cup For First Time Since 1930
There were celebrations at the KC Stadium today, when Premier League newboys Hull City progressed through to the last five of the FA Cup for the first time in 79 years. The Tigers and their fans sat on the edge of their seats as Arsenal and Burnle...
Read full storyKeira Knightley Quite Fancies Threesome With Spoof Writers Morse and BuckwheatsButt - Allegedly
London, England - High cheekboned actress Keira Knightley, leading lady in the legendary Hollywood saga, 'Pirates Of The Caribbean' tonight agreed to a second interview with a spoof writer following a rather embarrassing incident when a previous inte...
Read full story'We Do Matter' Says Lib Dem Leader
At the opening of the Liberal Democrat party conference Nick Clogg urged his party's supporters to keep working hard. "We are still relevant" he told a packed (all six seats filled) Harrogate Refreshment Rooms. He was seeking to silence those who hav...
Read full storyFulham Star Clint Dempsey Claims Stadium Screens Ruined His Life
Fulham FC's American star Clint Dempsey, allegedly the great grandson of pugilistic legend Jack Dempsey has revealed that team line ups displayed on stadium screens have made his life a living hell. Dempsey explains: "When they put my name up o...
Read full storyGhostbusters chase a slice of bread across NYC
Due to a typing error in their movie's script, actors Dan Aykroyd and Bill Murray ended up chasing a piece of toast across New York City, and the two Ghostbusters then had to call the film of their adventures 'Toastbusters'. The hilarious movie ha...
Read full storyMusharraf wants to 'play useful role in politics if asked'. Experts say that's like inviting the fox back into the hen-house!
NEW DELHI - Ex-Pak tinpot Dictator-Prez General-Mister Musharraf is begging for a job. Never having done a day's honest work in his entire life - besides playing with his toy soldiers, the buffoonish-mustachioed, unemployed dictator is now seeking a...
Read full storySurgeon General Dead After Failed Coup
The Surgeon General was killed last night after days of guerrilla warfare with loyalists in down-town DC. The General was attempting to stage a coup to overthrow current President Barrack Hussein Obama. He began his uprising with a caustic speech...
Read full storyMemphis to have giant baboon
Memphis, Tennessee has announced the intention to build a 200 foot tall transparent baboon statue, already being called "The Liberty of the South". The statue will be built on hills outside Memphis, and illuminated at night. Final plans have...
Read full storyMoroccan man awarded fast food chain in court case
A Moroccan man was yesterday awarded ownership of the MickeyDee's fast food company in a landmark case at the high court. 59 year old unemployed Muslim Al Lah Isa Maricon who has been living in London illegally all his life brought a £56 billion l...
Read full story'Below Decks' Writers In Hiding As Media Circus Swoops On Spoofers
A number of writers for satirical website TheSpoof.com were forced to go into hiding today in order to escape frenzied media interest in their latest contribution to popular culture, 'Below Decks' a serial about pirates posted on the popular website'...
Read full storyKeira Knightley 'Blown Away' By Spoof Pirate Saga
Hollywood leading lady, Keira Knightley, out of 'Pirates Of The Caribbean' today told this Spoof reporter that she was 'blown away' by a series of short stories posted on the hitherto much maligned TheSpoof.com magazine section. The English rose t...
Read full storyHillary Clinton Escorted Under Guard From Turkish Women's TV After Bill's Affairs Mentioned
US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, reflecting on her life in the public spotlight, said Saturday she misses ordinary pleasures, like sex, but has no regrets about her choice of public service. "It's no different on the road as Secretary of Sta...
Read full storyAdvertising Standards says new bank advertising campaign truthful but offensive
The Royal Bank of Swansea has hit a nerve with the public demonstrating that as an institution they can be honest after all. Responding to the twee, sugary and frankly offensively patronising advertising from the mainstream and almost fully nation...
Read full story'Below Decks' Chapter Five: The Ship Doctor's Journal!
Below Decks - Chapter 5 The North Atlantic Recap: Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four Must have taken a bit too much rum last evening. First gunner's mate Pissgums arrived with a complaint of an infected leg and I cut his peg leg off by mistake. Carpenter Clik cleverly attached it to my operating and writing table which now has a fifth leg. Pissgums appears not to be...
Read full storyClown Prostitutes offer Comic Relief
Red Nose Day is upon us once more here in the UK, and up and down the country people have been getting up to all sorts of whacky activities with the aim of raising money for the Comic Relief charity. In London's King's Cross area, prostitutes tha...
Read full storyObama Urges Americans To "Trust in Their Financial Institutions", Is This a Spoof?
Fort Knox, KY/ Site of Last American Dollar Under Siege - Coached by a Teleprompter hastily installed on the mini-bar on Air Force I, President Obama presided over a rambling, self aggrandizing political speech to adoring "Journalists" on his way to...
Read full storyCheltenham race meeting doomed as UFO crashes on course
Cheltenham, Gloucs - (X-Files Mess): Remains of an ominous mystery space craft were found burning on the racecourse track this morning. The Prestbury Park site said today it may now have to cancel its prestigeous annual race meeting to which hundr...
Read full storyMax Cliffhanger lobbies for Jade plinth memorial
London - (Celebrity Big Racist Mess): Jade Goody's Mr 25% publicist Max Cliffhanger said today he felt there is an 'overwhelming sense of national need' for his client to be commemorated in Trafalgar Square's fourth plinth. "Some campaigners even...
Read full storyGovernment sued over misleading speed camera signs
Trading standards have successfully sued the government over misleading speed camera signs. Speeder John Wilson contacted trading standards to complain that the cameras used by police are nothing like the ones shown on the signs. The high court j...
Read full storyTaxachusetts Governor Proposes "Hummer Tax", Combat Zone Working Girls Call for Strike!
Boston, Ma./ Working Girl News, The Bling Report - Taxachusetts Governor Deval "Cadillac" Patrick proposed additional taxes this week to bail out his corrupt state sinking further into the mire of Government Spending, No-Show Jobs, and disability pay...
Read full storyBank of England to print billions of Euros to aid Pound
The Bank of England has announced that it is going to print 700 billion Euros in order to devalue the once worthless currency which will soon be worth more than the pound. The currency will be shipped over to the continent and dumped on Dunkirk b...
Read full storyBudget Irish airline to bring in a range of optional charges, such as breathing on the plane
Following on from the news that Irish budget airline Tryandair plans to charge customers a pound for use of the on board toilet (50p if you use the outside toilet), Chief Executive Paddy Whaque has announced a new range of charges to make him even ri...
Read full storyChelsea to rely on quiz show for trophy
Following the leak of recent IQ test results at Chelsea FC, the BBC is to launch a new footballer's version of "University Challenge". "The aim of the show is to prove that footballers are not just overpaid, thick b******s and the public are getting...
Read full storySpoof Writers: How They Work!
I was recently intrigued after reading a selection of educational "How They Work" pieces written by the male side of the famous Turse Family, Ray and Not Ray, the dynamic father and son duo, and prompted to investigate the phenomenon of "What Makes Spoof Writers Work." Granted, Spoof Writing is not work, but an advocation for which most scribes do not get paid, they do, however in most case...
Read full storyTony Blair Made Into A Saint
Former Prime Minister Anthony 'Joan of Arc' Blair was today made into a saint by Pope Benedict XIII. Pausing briefly from polishing his collection of looted Nazi artwork in his humble cottage in Rome, the Pontiff said: 'Mr Blair will become the fi...
Read full storyFerguson to play again to aid Man Utd trophy campaign
Due to serious fixture congestion chasing 17 trophies this season, Sir Alex Ferguson has registered himself as a Manchester United player with the FA. A fee of £5.47 plus VAT had to be paid to the Scottish FA to transfer registration papers. Ji S...
Read full storyBritain has no litteracy problem, Minister clailms
British government Education Minister, Mrs Cherie Baybee, today made the surprise claim that British people had no problems with reading and writing. 'Thanks to the Labour goverment', she said, 'all children and adults are not only equal, they are...
Read full storyBelow Decks: Chapter 4 - The Best Laid Plans
Below Decks Chapter 4: The Best Laid Plans Recap: Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three Madame Piebottom, the sole sibling of Horatio Hornblower, sat on the floor of ship's brig with her back against the wall, both literally and figurativly. A raging battle was going on only a couple hundred feet above her, yet she barely noticed the explosions of the canons, the screams of dying...
Read full storyUlrika Jonsson. "Stop taking the piss!"
Ulrika Jonsson has launched an emotional plea for people to stop mocking her after she revealed deeply personal and embarrassing revelation that she is suffering from LAI (Light Adult Incontinence) following the birth of her four children. This means...
Read full storyMarshals mace Malay melee
KUALA LUMPUR, Maylaysia - Marshals maced thousands of fuming protesters livid about having to go to school. Over a hundred were arrested to protect the Throne. The protesters screamed "Long live the English language". Police were stunned...
Read full storyNasa launches Earth hunter rocket
CAPE CANAVERAL, FL - Nasa, now part of the Air Force, launched a rocket, to find Earth. It was an unmanned mission. The rocket has an expensive Kepler telescope on it. General Pyle was asked about the expense by a reporter in the crowd who ask...
Read full storyDollar obsolete - Amero to go into force April 1
WASHINGTON - A source reported that Amero will be cast out on April 1. It will replace dollar, peso and Canadian dollar. Exchange rates will be one Amero for peso, dollar or Canadian dollar. It is expected to be great stimulus to the economy of M...
Read full storyWelsh Banker receives brown envelope.
Thloyds, the well known Welsh bank, is now mainly owned by The British Government after it was stimulated by placing a large brown envelope in the inside pocket of it's Chairman Sir Victor Blank (yes, that's his real name). He spoke to the press...
Read full storyAustralia's Railways will improve soon
Recently, Australia's railway operator has been meeting with all it's employees to plan the perfect railway map. The map has been set out and completed and will be reviewed. The map contains lots of improvements. Such as stations returning, new st...
Read full storyMichael Jackboot Advance Ticket Sales 'Not Healthy' Admit Peter File Promotions
In what has been described as the biggest blunder in entertainment history a spokeswoman for Peter File Promotions Ltd told this reporter that her company's decision to hire Neasden Stadium for a 3 month long stint of gigs by self-styled 'Predator Of...
Read full storyCouncil Shuts Down Brothel
Bexleyheath Blinking Council today shut down a brothel in the borough with the full support of Trading Standards officers in a dramatic raid involving armed police officers and some dogs which ran around a lot, barking unnecessarily, and sniffing thi...
Read full storyIntersection named after Bernanke in Dillon
DILLON, South Carolina (Doomberg) -- Federal Reserve Chairman Ben S. Bernanke returned to his hometown today where an intersection was named after him as hundreds gathered to honor their native son. As hundreds of people watched in amazement, hono...
Read full storyTopless Amazonian Alien Women Invade Basingstoke
Reports coming out of the town of Basingstoke, Hampshire, UK tonight are not encouraging, as it would appear that the town has suffered an invasion of topless Amazonian alien women from the planet Venus, according to Derek Peabody, Basingstoke Direct...
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