In what has been described as the biggest blunder in entertainment history a spokeswoman for Peter File Promotions Ltd told this reporter that her company's decision to hire Neasden Stadium for a 3 month long stint of gigs by self-styled 'Predator Of Pop', Michael Jackboot - "Was probably a mistake."
Jackboot, semi-disgraced one time icon of popular music, laden with a greater cash deficit than that Scottish bank who we can't name for legal reasons has attempted to relaunch a tarnished career with a series of appearances at Neasden Stadium, which were expected to bring in some £25 million, but things haven't quite worked out as planned.
Tickets for the 100 day event have been snubbed by UK consumers because of the credit crunch, and because the public perception of Jackboot has undergone a radical about face. (volte face)
Jackboot never really convinced in a California courtroom hearing, that the glove was too small for him, or that he was only driving so slowly down the freeway because he thought he saw a little schoolboy "in distress".
Ticket sales yesterday peaked at 11 for the opening night, in a stadium which can comfortably accommodate 90,000 punters.
One ticket buyer, Mr Elbis Priestly, an American from Memphis Tennessee told us:
"It looks like it's gonna be lonely out there. Heartbreak hotel time. But what can you do?"
"I'll tell you what you can't do," said reputed Neasden crimelord Arthur Pewty. "You can't come to one of my vans for a burger. Because we won't even be there. No demand, see. There's not gonna be anybody there. It's gonna be the only concert at Neasden stadium where the band outnumber the punters."
We attempted to speak to Mr Jackboot, or his wig, or his plastic nose, or his botoxed lips, or his rotting cheekbones, or his bleached skin, or even one of his WTF military style uniforms but were told that the increasingly frail and fragile megastar was busy dangling infants from hotel balconies, dancing on the roof of his limo, or putting on his pyjamas for legal courtroom purposes.
Oh, and playing with the kids.
More as we get it.
