Bexleyheath Blinking Council today shut down a brothel in the borough with the full support of Trading Standards officers in a dramatic raid involving armed police officers and some dogs which ran around a lot, barking unnecessarily, and sniffing things.
"We ain't no mugs," said Councillor Hugh Jarse. "We identified a violation and we went for the jugular. This is why people pay council tax, so people like me can make the business of everyday living a nightmare for flouters of the law, and the taxpayer alike. We don't discriminate. You see, as far as we're concerned, EVERYONE is SCUM!!!"
"He's right you know," Detective Chief Superintendent Letsby Avenue (OUCH!) told a Spoof reporting team. "That crap they were selling in there was not broth. It was too thin and didn't contain the requisite amount of meat or vegetables to be described as 'broth'. So now the culprits face the consequences. Simple as that. You can't pass soup off as broth. Not in this borough."
A spokesman for the brothel told us:
"The people involved here are totally innocent. They are all volunteers, unpaid, who devote their time to feeding the needy and the destitute at no charge. I'm confident that my clients will be exonerated by the courts."
"Don't you fucking believe it," a police officer, PC Barry Garlow, who declined to be named in this article, told us.
More as we get it.