Due to serious fixture congestion chasing 17 trophies this season, Sir Alex Ferguson has registered himself as a Manchester United player with the FA.
A fee of £5.47 plus VAT had to be paid to the Scottish FA to transfer registration papers. Ji Sung Park and a packet of Manchester United branded prawn sandwiches were sold by the Salford club to cover the registration costs.
The Manchester United player manager was a prolific striker for Inverdrurie Town, Loch Ness Monsters and The Shetland Ponies FC from 1876 to 1925. Scoring 2231 goals in 3457 matches, Fergie believes he could more than match the efforts, of in his words, "the fooking oova peed preema doonnas" currently loitering in the premiership. "If Boobie Zamoora thinks he's a striker, ah cin poot mi boots back on"
When asked if he would consider employing his son, Darren, to aid united's trophy hunt, he replied "Dinae be stoopid, am neet that desperate!"
