Secret Message in Abraham Lincoln's Watch Revealed
In April of 1861, President Abraham Lincoln took his pocketwatch to a Washington jeweler for cleaning and repairs. For over 150 years, a story has circulated that the jeweler put a secret message inside of the watch. Yesterday, the Smithsonian allo...
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Jade Goody: Husband To Be Buried With Her
As Jade Goody, the ex-reality TV star, begins her 'final countdown' to obscurity, it was revealed by her publicist Max Cash today that her husband is to be buried with her, even though he is far from dead! Jade wed Jack Tweed, or, indeed, Jack Twe...
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Keith Richards: "I am stone throwing rock primate with unfinished monkey business.
Keith "the rock behemoth" Richards is growing old disgracefully in his new enclosure following a fall from a palm tree eighteen months ago. He continues to exhibit some bizarre behaviour that scientists claim may be linked to a higher cognitive devel...
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Madrid team was not "Real" rages Platini
Real Madrid found themselves at the centre of a scandal that could rock European football to its very core. They are accused of fielding a team of lookie-likies against Liverpool in the second leg of their champions league clash at Anfield on Tuesday...
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Gordon Ramsay Bitch Slapped on Hell's Kitchen
Celebrity Chef Gordon Ramsay, host of the television series Hell's Kitchen, was bitch slapped by the husband of one of his contestants Tuesday evening. Ramsay had screamed at the woman because the grill marks on her grilled chicken were not in a per...
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Pirate Ship Sighted Sailing Up The Thames
Today a pirate ship was sighted sailing up the River Thames. It is thought that "The Buggerall" is carrying a crew hellbent on destruction, all except Dr Vic who just wants to see sailors' bottoms. The crew are led by the notorious pirate Captain...
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Chuck Norris: One Badass that Should NOT Become the President of Texas
The Republic of Texas -- Not that I don't care for the Hollywood star perhaps best known for his role in the television series, "Walker, Texas Ranger". But as in any crisis, and the Country as whole is facing a deep financial crisis, the nuts come out in droves. Chuck Norris is merely one of the latest. It takes a bit of courage to dis on the man who doesn't wear a watch simply because he dec...
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Weekend At Bernie's
Bernie Madoff who made off with billions has decided that at 70 he is about to see the end of his miserable life in the crowbar hotel. He insisted that he have satin sheets and for his first meal he demanded escargot and a fine wine. After the pro...
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Pakistan's failed politician Imran Khan once again does what he does best - goes into hiding wearing a burqa!
ISLAMABAD: About the only thing that Pakistan's cricketer Imran Khan has done well is play cricket. Beyond that he has had no success as evidenced by numerous issues and an abysmal political career- devoid of any vision. He has consistently shown...
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Man In Boogertown Keeps Jotting Down Notes In Small Notebook
Insurance salesman, Charles "Brownie" Brown of Billyville stopped suddenly in the middle of busy Boogertown Main Street sidewalk Monday, obstructing the paths of 2 pedestrians and 7 stray dogs as he frantically searched his messenger bag for a pen, all of this so he could immortalize a tragically stupid notion on a scrap of paper. According to witnesses looking out from the Sandwich Shop and Pu...
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I Know What A Spliff Is Says PM
Whitehall - PM Gordon Brown today announced in a press conference that he was fully aware of what a spliff is: "It's a hand rolled cigarette containing tobacco and cannabis," he said proudly. Many observers regard the PM's attempts to appear to...
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Below Decks Chapter Eight: Mushrooms On The Menu
Recap: Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven "Prepare to board the Maddoff?! But I'm a botanist!" cried Earl Grey. "Not anymore", replied Captain Morse, "you are a pirate. Now do as you are told and prepare to board!" Earl Grey was scared. No, really scared. It was the type of fear that got hold of you when, after an awfull...
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Mental Disease of the Month Club
Announcement: the mental-disease-of-the-month club is being disbanded immediately. The reasons being: 1. During dipsomania month, the club party spent 10 times its budget on refreshments. 2.During kleptomania month, all of the club furnishings were removed, and (as aforementioned) the budget was already spent and gone. 3.During megalomania month, the club organization broke down due to ha...
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Syrup Of Figs Cure All Known Ailments Claims Nutritionist
Hartley Street nutritionist Bejam Butty today stated that Syrup Of Figs should be taken by every citizen in the world as a dietary supplement, claiming that such a practice would immunise people against almost every ailment known to medical science.
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Fishy Tales No. 2: Hanshin Tigers atone for Colonel Sanders river atrocity
Osaka, Japan - (Fishy Finger Ass Mess): A Japanese baseball team's ritual desecration of a Colonel Sanders effigy ended this week with the dredging of Osaka's Dotonbori riverbed and the retrieval of the iconic totem. The Hanshin Tigers threw the t...
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Internet Explorer 'feature' affects TheSpoof.com
Microsoft has admitted today that due to the way certain HTML constructs are handled in Internet Explorer, people are using it to 'hack' TheSpoof.com, a notorious satirical news website. It appears that if you wiggle your mouse up and down over th...
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'Jade Goody Friday' Easter honor for reality tv contestant
London - (Max Cliff-Hanger Mess): The first of the UK's annual bank holidays is to be renamed 'Jade Goody Friday' according to an announcement from the Department of Vultures, Mediocrity & Spots. The Easter move hopes to secularise an otherwis...
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Cameron calls for new torture probe
Tory Leader David Cameron Speaking at Prime Minister's Question Time, called for new and improved torture probes. He said existing probes have not proved effective enough in extracting information from Islamic no-fun-and-mentalists being held in chal...
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News From In and Around Boogertown
Mr. George W Bush has publicly announced that he now reads the Boogertown Banner instead of The Washington Post. "It is more factual and I am not in it." he said. Aw bless his heart. Also, one Barack Obama of Illinois, a whole state over, has al...
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Well Street Crash! Latest!
Just coming in - A crash occurred seconds ago in Well Street, Hackney, London E9. Incoming reports suggest that a VW Golf shunted into a Renault Kangoo. No reports as yet of any injuries. The drivers are currently exchanging insurance details. An...
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Miley Cyrus In High School Shooter Wipe Out
Teen idol Miley Cyrus today became the unwitting victim of a High School shooter during a PR visit to Drunckenpratz High School in One-eye Kentucky Things were by all accounts going smoothly until the arrival of disenfranchised former student Howa...
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Rihanna And Chris Brown To Record A Duet
DETROIT - A spokesperson for singer Rihanna has announced that the Barbados-born beauty and Chris Brown will be entering a recording studio to record a duet. Rihanna who recently made headlines around the world when she accidentally tripped while...
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Mourinho Spends Night Locked In Toilet
It has been reported that Jose Mourinho, head coach of Internazionale Milan, and formerly of Chelsea and Porto, spent last night locked in the toilet of his Cheshire hotel suite ahead of tonight's Champions League second leg knockout tie against Manc...
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NC Pirate Musuem Opens to Record Crowds Due to Hysteria Over "Below Decks" Saga Featured on The Spoof!
Raleigh, NC/ Chamber of Commerce News Alert - In the biggest stimulus to the faltering North Carolina economy, a long planned Pirate Museum opened this week in Raleigh, to enthusiastic crowds spurred on by the unprecedented success of a Pirate Saga...
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Furore As Long John Silver Turns Down 'Below Decks' Segment
The refusal of the most famous pirate in the world, Long John Silver, to contribute a segment to the Spoof.com's collaborative exercise, 'Below Decks' has sparked Global outrage. Long John Silver has isolated himself in his Caribbean home since Su...
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UK Eurovision Entry Lyrics Must Change
The United Kingdom entry for the Eurovision Song Contest has been rejected unless the lyrics are changed. It comes in the wake of Georgia being faced with the same issue when their lyrics were deemed to contain political content that was offensive t...
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HBO And Mormons Disagree Over Showing Sacred Rite
HBO on Tuesday defended its plans to depict a sacred Mormon temple ceremony in an upcoming episode of "Big Love." The drama, "Big Bed" is about a Utah polygamous family and will show an endowment ceremony Sunday. HBO said it did not intend to b...
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Swiss Gigolo Not Done Yet: Alludes to Seduction of Powerful Female US Political Figures!
Munich, Germany / Financial News - Swiss gigolo Helg Sgarbi,44, recently sentenced to 6 years in prison for extortion involving a rich german heiress, claims he got even more than the L8.5 from her, by allegedly extorting some of American's most h...
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Google, Facebook, Wikipedia all want a piece of TheSpoof.com
Google Inc. has approached the management at TheSpoof.com following the massive publicity surrounding the Below Decks phenomenon. For those few people who may not have heard of it, this is a collaborative story which has attracted huge interest in t...
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Petulant Pelosi Demands Blue Angles Escort Her on All US Flights!
Washington,DC/ Washington Post Society Travel & Leisure Page - Citing national security as well as personal safety concerns, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has demanded that the 7 plane FA-18 squadron of the Blue Angles escort her commandeered Depart...
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'I'm not a vampire', Hillary Clinton claims
The new American Secretary of State Hillary Clinton made the surprising claim that she is not a blood-sucking vampire. Speaking from the White House, as the sun went down over Washington DC, Mrs Clinton said: 'I don't know where these crazy rumors...
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British media launches dumbed-down simplistic phrases factory
Today the media in the United Kingdom launched a factory in East London, one to provide newspapers and television and radio news stations with simplistic, idiotic phrases to sum up complex world events, phrases that are often inaccurate. The factory...
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UK cities install black street lights
In an effort to cut costs and help the environment, all British cities changed their street light bulbs from orange ones to black ones today. 'This will lower greenhouse gases and provide jobs for thousands of tea-drinking council workers', Prime...
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Pope updates the 10 commandments
To keep up with the times and to help modernise the Church, Pope Benedict rewrote the ten commandments, and here are the new ones: 1. Thou shalt not kill, unless thou dost kill a British bomber crew that are trying to end the most evil regime in history 2. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's land, unless it's called Poland 3. Thou shalt honour thy mother and father, by reporting them to...
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Top Ten Books w/e 13/03/09
The comprehensive list of the top ten books for the week ending March 13th 2009. Every one a must buy! 1) "Complete Bus Tickets of the World". Leather-bound deluxe collector's edition with colour photos, this tome is the last word on this fascinating subject, although pricey at £42. 2) "Kerry Katona's book of Motherhood". Wipe-clean version of the indispensible guide for new mums. This year'...
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Horne and Corden: "We're Hilarious Aren't We?"
Hilarious BBC whizzkids Matthew Horne and James Corden have announced that if it hadn't been for a lucky fluke, they might never have reached our television screens. "Can you imagine how terrible that would have been?" laughed Corden, who first d...
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Kerry Katona still not ill, doctors say
Photographers, journalists and ghoulsish observers keeping a vigil outside Kerry Katona's house (probably in Essex) have had another disappointing night after she appears to be not ill again. The bankrupt has-been 'star' of Iceland ads, an exampl...
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Big fat idiot Limbow has flesh eating disease
DENVER, Colorado - Rash Limbow, big fat idiot, has acquired flesh eating disease. He is literally eating his own flesh. It came about when he looked in the mirror one day when he was hungry, and saw a huge slab of pork looking back at him. He ev...
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Tatiana Del Toro To Appear On "Dancing With The Losers"
HOLLYWOOD - ABC has added a new show to its March lineup. The show, patterned after "Dancing With The Stars" is entitled "Dancing With The Losers." The show will be co-hosted by Senator John "Big Mac" McCain and Governor Sarah "McNuggets" Palin.
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Boy George Tunnels Out Of His Prison Jail Cell
LONDON - George Alan O'Dowd, aka Boy George, who is serving a 15 month sentence at The Petula Clark Prison For Blokes reportedly tunneled his way out of his jail cell last night. Assistant Warden Ringo Nagashima said that O'Dowd (#74316869) and hi...
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Iranian Mullahs Protest: Amadinejad is an Ape, Not a Monkey
An Iranian Children's show unwittingly presented a small child announcing to his Persian audience that his father calls his stuffed monkey by the name of President of the Most Noble and Totally Oppressive Dictatorship of Iran. Censors and scaredc cit...
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US Gun Runners Arm the IRA, Drug Cartels and Dick Cheney's Hunting Parties
The US of A has been the world's largest weapons dealer in the post World War II era. War! What is it good for? has been answered by American capitalists with the rousing refrain: Absolutely Profitable! And so the armaments industry has rolled ou...
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Obama Names Maturbating Monkey to Comprehensive Sex Ed Commission
As Barack Obama reverses each and every anti science and religiously moralistic Bush administration dogma and doctrine, we have seen fall ignorance of intelligent design and the stupidity of stem cell bans. Now finally the onerous only abstinence bur...
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NBA to Celebrate White History Half Day
White National Basketball Association coaches, GM's and owners along with the 90% pale fan base have established a White B-Ball History event. Since there are not enough white players to fill a month, a week or even a full day, March 17 Celtic St Pat...
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How They Work: Power Panels
Remember when solar panels were so ineffective you could only use them to heat up water from tepid to luke-warm? Or when, in order to heat the average home you needed a solar power panel the size of Wales? Well all that's changed. The latest Power Panels are so efficient they can be used almost anywhere. Imagine having a torch that you can leave on all the time and it never goes out! Using...
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