Budget Irish airline to bring in a range of optional charges, such as breathing on the plane

Funny story written by Steddyeddy

Sunday, 8 March 2009

image for Budget Irish airline to bring in a range of optional charges, such as breathing on the plane
A new Tryandair plane is tested

Following on from the news that Irish budget airline Tryandair plans to charge customers a pound for use of the on board toilet (50p if you use the outside toilet), Chief Executive Paddy Whaque has announced a new range of charges to make him even richer.

In a statement issued to journalists today (at a charge of £3.50), he said that the airline was still the cheapest in the world. From today, all tickets are going to cost only a £1.

He added that provided people just bought a ticket, and did nothing else, such as turn up for their flight, check in, bring any luggage or actually expect to fly somewhere, their charge of £1 represented the best value for money in the travel market today.

Charges on top of the basic all-inclusive £1 ticket being introduced by Tryandair from next week include £5 if you turn up, £5 to check in, £10 if you are carrying anything to the check in, £3 for a seat, £7 to use the stairs up to the plane, £1 for a hostess greeting, £15 if you plan to breath on the plane, £1 to use toilet (with a supplement of £1 for toilet paper and £1 to wash your hands), £2 to watch the safety video, or £4 for a live demonstration, £3 to listen to Captain announcements, £3 for a cup of tea, £1 to adjust your seat, £2 for a seatbelt and £15 if you want to leave the plane when it reaches its destination.

Mr Whaque said that this scale of optional extras meant that all passengers, or "cattle" as they are officially reffered to in all the Tryandair literature, had the unique choice of exactly how much they wished to pay in total for their travel experience.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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