The Surgeon General was killed last night after days of guerrilla warfare with loyalists in down-town DC. The General was attempting to stage a coup to overthrow current President Barrack Hussein Obama.
He began his uprising with a caustic speech in which he declared himself Surgeon and Chief for life.
His army of mutinous, scalpel wielding soldiers forced their way into congress several days ago and held many members of the senate hostage, demanding Obama's immediate surrender. When President Obama did not heed his demands, the Surgeon General instructed his dental corps to began slow torture of the Senators with drills and picks.
President Obama swiftly retaliated with a battalion of elderly, denture wearing troops, long proven to be immune to Dental tactics. The octogenarian army quickly overtook the rebels and swiftly took out the leader.
With no Surgeon General to warn them, the country has devolved into chaos, with pregnant mothers drinking and teens smoking completely carefree.
