There were 1,258 spoof news stories published in January 2009. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Sarah Palin Nude Photos beats Vanessa Hudgens and Miley Cyrus
Google, Lycos and Yahoo search engines have revealed their most searched for terms for 2008. With the American election dominating press around the world, Sarah Palin was undeniably the most searched for female on the planet, with the surprising n...
Read full storyBreaking News: Pattinson Bows Out of Twilight Sequel
In a shocking turn of events, industry insiders have confirmed today that Robert Pattinson will not reprise his role as dashing vampire Edward Cullen in the Twilight movie sequel. Pattinson had originally pulled out of another project in order to...
Read full storyWin a Date With Twilight's Robert Pattinson
Good news for single Twilight fans - you can't now win a date with Robert Pattinson, the actor who played Edward Cullen in Twilight! Access Hollywood has just divulged the details of the contest. Interested females between the ages of 18 and 24 ar...
Read full storyGeorge W. Bush Signs Bill that Cecedes Texas from the Rest of the US
Austin, TX- It's official: George W. Bush has pulled another fast one, this time on the people of Texas. With only a few days left in second term as Commander in Chief, President Bush wanted to be aboslutely certain that his administration will go...
Read full storyPierced Testicle Craze Sweeps University Campuses
At first, the only thing that people (mostly women and sailors) had pierced was their earlobes. This traveled all around the ears and eventually migrated to tongues, lips, eyebrows, nipples, and other body parts. The latest craze is now the pierc...
Read full storyLincolnshire 'UFO' Wind turbine incident inquiry have bizzarely implicated Cristiano Ronaldo and Michael Winner
On Wednesday, a giant 65ft blade was ripped off a 300ft high wind turbine in Conisholme, Licolnshire. Local residents were awoken at 4am after strange 'tentacle' shaped lights were spotted streaking towards the wind generator. 55yr old mother...
Read full storyTeen queen, Brenda Song and Camilla Belle fighting over Rob Pattinson!
Teen queen, Brenda Song and 22 year-old actress Camilla Belle are reportedly fighting over Rob Pattinson. Song, 20 and Belle, 22 are reportedly fighting over Rob Pattinson, according to me and the voices in my head. Song dated Pattinson for a sho...
Read full storyKing size 'Rizla' buyers targeted by police
People who buy extra long cigarette rolling papers are likely to be followed and monitored by undercover narcotics officers according to a jointly released report commissioned by both the Irish and British Police forces. Detective Inspector Mary J...
Read full storyTeen queen, Brenda Song & Rob Pattinson: Set to Appear Nude!
Teen icons, Brenda Song and Rob Pattinson are set to appear semi-nude in their new indie film, "Burning Star". The film is about a young adult couple who are struggling emotionally an insider has spilled that there will be a semi-nude scene. The...
Read full storyEnglish GCSE to allow text speak
In an effort to encourage more children to take their GCSE English exam, the JMB have announced that they will now allow fifteen and sixteen year old children to submit their papers in TxtSpk. It has been widely acknowledged that the literacy of t...
Read full storyCristiano Ronaldo In Ferrari Smash
Manchester United's Cristiano Ronaldo was at the centre of a new controversy today, when the Portugeezer ploughed his Ferrari into a pillar in a tunnel at Manchester Airport. The whinger was leaving Ringway, when he lost concentration, and smashed...
Read full storySnoop Dogg Millionaire Wins Award At Carlisle Film Festival
The short film, 'Snoop Dogg Millionaire' has won an award at the fourth annual Carlisle Film Festival. The eight minute film, directed by Fred Spielburger won the award for 'Best Film About A Talentless Rapper Who Made Millions Out Of Preaching St...
Read full storyLady Gag-gag Admits She Choked Her Way to the Top
British culture's newest latest star does not fret and strut her brief time upon the boards of the old Vic. She does not even grace the cinema with the great women of British film. Instead Lady Gag-gag said that she has made her way to the top by sta...
Read full storyBeyonce gets mad with Jay-Z
World famous singers Beyonce and Jay-Z are not speaking to each other following Beyonce's last performance for Barack Obama. Jay-Z did not compliment Beyonce after her performance on her hair, clothes, shoes or jewellery. She was said to be "hear...
Read full storyKate Hudson Gets Boob Job
HOLLYWOOD, California - Kate Hudson, 29, movie starlet has finally gotten what she has always wanted. No, not a boyfriend who will feed her movie star ego seven days a week, but rather something that will be with her 24/7...boobs. Kate checked int...
Read full storyEmma Watson defies advice and goes for a shag with Rupert Grint
The starlet of Harry Potter, Emma Watson, has once again proven her independence by ignoring advice from family and friends and gone for a shag with fellow Harry Potter co-star Rupert Grint. And it would appear that to further prove her rebel inst...
Read full storyDaniel Craig Voted Worst James Bond of All Times
Daniel Craig, the new James Bond actor who is loved and worshiped by all movie fans under the age of 16, was recently voted the worst James Bond by the vast majority of people in the English speaking world over the age of 25 (to include those under t...
Read full storyNew Israeli Nazi Party formed
Today, in Tel-Aviv, a new Israeli Nazi Party was formed. It's leader, Shimon Peron, said: 'Our country has been riddled by Palestinians, so now we will deal with the vermin. First, we'll put them all in a huge ghetto - OK, we already did that - t...
Read full storyFacebonk faces thousands of protesters
The worldwide social utility Facebonk has recently come under fire for deleting photos of women from its site. As a result, thousands of users have protested, on the site itself and in person at Facebonk's headquarters in Follow Malto, California.
Read full storyTeen queen, Brenda Song and Rob Pattinson More than Friends?
"It" girl, Brenda Song and teen heartthrobs Rob Pattinson may be ''more than friends''. The teen sensations were rumored to be dating last year. Song, 20 and Pattinson, 21, were spotted together in late 2008. Many rumors started surfacing the interne...
Read full storySecond racist video has Harry shagging 'satanic Paki sluts'
Clarence House - (Royal Ass Mess): A second racist video has emerged showing Prince Harry boasting about shagging some 'satanic Paki sluts'. The 24 year-old is seen in the back of his Hummer high on cocaine as a pair of devilish-looking scantily...
Read full storyMalaysian Woman Smuggles Heroin Under Boobs
Australia has charged a big busted Malaysian woman with attempting to smuggle heroin into Melbourne by hiding the drugs under her boobs. Officials of the Customs Department say they suspected the woman may have been carrying drugs when she arrived...
Read full storyAyn Rand to Obama: Read Atlas Shrugged!
WASHINGTON D.C.-President Elect Barrack Obama is planning massive changes to U.S. currency that will permanently solve the looming financial crisis. According to an Obama insider the incoming president is "a genius" when it comes to solving this kin...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Smiley Virus
Chat rooms and forums across the World Wide Web were on high alert this evening after a leading internet security firm issued a 'Code red' warning after a Smiley was found dead on an as yet unnamed social networking forum post originating in Dublin,...
Read full storyYou Tube and Cristiano Ronaldo - The Pathetic Truth
Having recently crashed his Ferrari into the wall of a tunnel close to Manchester Airport, Cristiano Ronaldo has confessed exactly what he was up to on the night of the crash. "I see on You Tube, muchos Ferraris, driving in tunnels in Europa, revv...
Read full storyRush Limbaugh Receives Care Package From MSNBC
After claiming credit for the ratings of cable news network MSNBC, world-renowned sloth Rush Limbaugh has received a generous thank you. MSNBC reportedly sent a large care package to Limbaugh in appreciation for his allowing the network to continu...
Read full storyJonathan Ross apologises for speech impediment
In an obviously scripted opening to his Friday evening TV show, evil entertainer Jonathan Ross apologised in detail for his appalling speech impediment. "It is incumbent on all of us in this industry to speak clearly, and I realise I let the sid...
Read full storyShaved Pussies End Muff Diving Tradition
Muff diving has been a world wide tradition, an Olympic sport and an adolescent rite of passage for generations. A new generation and hair removing creams and slick bic razors have promoted the almost universal practice of the Bald Eagle. The cha...
Read full storyAnn Coulter Banned For Life From Churchill Downs ; Chaos Erupts Over Confusion About New Rules
In a press release, Churchill Downs General Manager James D. Gates Jr. announced Monday that Ann Coulter has been barred from the track for life. Controversy erupted in recent weeks when panicked track patrons complained that a horse was let loose i...
Read full storyWoman With Perfect Breasts Refuses To Get Them Out For The Lads
In a startling revelation today, Mr Jack Scrumptious told this reporter that his girlfriend had the most perfect pair of breasts in the world. "They're absolutely perfect," Mr Scrumptious told us. "They're firm, they're bouncy, they're pert and a...
Read full storySachs disinherits Georgina 'Satanic Sluts' Baillie over Russell Brand shagging fiasco
London - (Russ/Ross Mess): Comic TV actor Andrew Sachs has disinherited granddaughter Georgina 'Satanic Sluts' Baillie for subjecting the family to the lurid Russell Brand shagging farce. Baillie's Daily Screws intimate blow-by-blow revelations "...
Read full storyMother Scolds Obama From Beyond Grave
Recently acquired transcripts show the Obama family conducted a seance to contact Barack Obama's mother, Ann Dunham Soetoro. They tried to conceal the ritual from the public to avoid associations with Nancy "Crazy Lady" Reagan. During this ghost...
Read full storyPurchasers of Ann Coulter's Books Illiterate
While the success of Ann Coulter's new book Guilty: Liberal Victims and Their Assault On America may be astounding to most, just who is buying them is even more shocking. An independent study conducted by the Curious United National Thinktank, or...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie Produces Barack Obama's Birth Certificate
Movie Actress Angelina Jolie, wife of actor Brad Pitt and adopted mother of eighteen children from twenty-three different countries and thirty-six different nationalities, claims that she can produce the birth certificate of Barack Hussein Obama, the...
Read full storyRobbie Fowler Arrested Again After 'Cocaine Found In Footballs' Story Churned Up Again By L'Equipe
Cardiff City striker Robbie Fowler will not now miss the FA Cup fourth round replay against Arsenal after being mistakenly arrested when cocaine, with a potential value of up to £120,000, was thought to have been discovered inside a consignment of fo...
Read full storyUFO 'ghostship nanocraft' behind US Airways Flight 1549 Hudson River debacle?
New York - (X-Files Mess): Were 'spooky UFO ghostship nanocraft' behind the 'bird attack' on US Airways Flight 1549 from La Guardia to Charlotte, North Carolina yesterday? That is the question civil aviation investigators are probing amid reports...
Read full storyBlagojevich Likens His Plight To Gandhi, Mandela, MLK
Starting his new series of interviews under the guidance of Drew Peterson's public relations firm, Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich sat down with The Today Show's Amy Robach to tell his side of the story. When speaking of his arrest on December 9...
Read full storyRush Limbaugh: "I Hope Obama Fails"
CLEVELAND, Ohio - Conservative talk show host, political commentator, and basic GOP crybaby Rush Limbaugh told Fox TV host Sean Hannity that he hopes the new president fails. Limbaugh who is 58, is visibly upset with himself because he has allowed...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie To Replace David Letterman
NEW YORK CITY, New York - CBS in a big shakeup move has announced that they have decided to fire David Letterman and to replace him with motion picture actress Angelina Jolie. An unnamed CBS executive said that Mr. Letterman, 61, simply chose to p...
Read full storyConch Up your Sex Life
It's Official! What Turks Islanders have known for years has been proclaimed as the new Viagra. A daily helping of Conch Salad, Conch Fritters, Conch Chowder or Cracked Conch converts to inches what many men can only measure in centimeters. "It is...
Read full storyGov. Rod Blagojevich On 114-1 Impeachment Vote: Blame The Sick People!
In breaking news today, Gov. Rod Blagojevich was impeached by the state house by a 114-1 vote, prompting a press conference by the Governor. He stated that the he was not surprised by the outcome of the vote. "It was a foregone conclusion in fa...
Read full storyManchester City Buy Manchester United
More drama at Eastlands where, after the failed Kaka bid this morning, Manchester City owner Sheikh Mansour called an extraordinary emergency board meeting during which plans were finalised to buy Manchester United. City had offered AC Milan £107m...
Read full storyCristiano Ronaldo Ferrari Possessed By Princess Diana's Ghost
The Ferrari crashed by Manchester United's Portuguese whinger, Cristiano Ronaldo, was impounded by Greater Manchester Police this morning, after it emerged that the vehicle may have been possessed by the ghost of Princess Diana. Ronaldo ploughed t...
Read full storyNew Dr Who is not going to be Matt Smith!
Despite the recent announcement that Matt Smith is to be the new Doctor Who, the corporation have now retracted the statement and confirmed that the new Dr Who will in fact be Abu "Hook" Hamza. An apology has been issued to all viewers regarding t...
Read full storyRude English Street Names to Go
Pratts District Council wants to clean up its highway designations, hence road and street names with rude connotations could soon be banned around Sussex to avoid "deliberate misinterpretation". But throughout England streets with names like 'Grop...
Read full storyYellowstone National Park: Quakin' and Shakin' Like The Left Coast
YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK, Wyoming - Scientists and geologists throughout America are puzzled as to what is causing the hundreds of earthquakes at Yellowstone National Park. Tucker McRemington, the park's executive director said that if he didn't...
Read full storyBush Reflecting on Mistakes: The Pastrami Debacle
An exclusive interview was granted by President George W Bush during his last hours acting as commander in chief. Most of the interview was rather typical of others. On Iraq: "I decider'd that one good, didn't I?", to the 9/11 attacks and the sub...
Read full storyWebsites withdraw 'Smileys' and 'Emoticons' after Miley Smiley Virus scare
Admin staff at social networking sites have been forced to withdraw 'Smileys' and 'Emoticons' from chat rooms and discussion boards in a desperate bid to halt the spread of a potentially dangerous virus. Smiley's are tiny animated characters that...
Read full storyArsene Wenger Walks Out Of Arsenal
Confusion reigned at the Emirates Stadium this morning after it was announced that Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger had walked out of the club just hours before the Gunners' biggest Premier League game of the season so far, against Hull City at the KC Stad...
Read full storyCasting Surprises for Twilight Movie Sequel
Rumor has it that either Vanessa Hudgens or Brenda Song may be cast in the role of Leah Clearwater in the Twilight sequel. Now, according to industry sources, several other names have been mentioned as possible candidates for other roles. Among th...
Read full storyDick Cheney Takes Short Bus To Inauguration
People watching the inauguration of President Barack Obama today were offered a special treat today: former Vice President Dick Cheney was escorted to the inauguration in a wheelchair and on the short bus. Citing the professional medical opinions...
Read full storyHull City And Millwall Fans Renew Old Acquaintances
There was an air of camaraderie at the KC Stadium today, as supporters of Hull City and Millwall, so long apart due to the latter's lowly status, renewed their old acquaintances, like only old friends can. The two sets of 'football fans' have a lo...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Allergic to Pimple Cream
Singer and actress Miley Cyrus, who plays title character Hannah Montana on the Disney Channel, is the idol of little girls and the object of affection for teenage boys all around the world. Imagine, then, the total outpouring of angst and sympathy...
Read full storyGore Declares Victory Over Global Warming
Washington DC-- Former Vice-President Al Gore hailed the success of his campaign against global warming at a speech to the National Clown Club today. The flatulent ex-Veep stated colder global temperatures are a direct results of his tireless action...
Read full story2009 American Idol Contestants Compete To Be First To Have Nude Photos Posted
Who will be this years Antonella Barba? Will it be Miami's Conchita Maria Sosa? Will it be Boise's Alexis Jacobsen? How about Anne South of Kansas City? Will tradition be broken and the first be Detroit's Bart Travis? Who will be the first of th...
Read full storyObama Annoyed by Oprah, Palin, Blago Scandal
CHICAGO, IL. - Some were surprised when embattled Illinois governer Rod Blagojevich revealed he had considered Oprah Winfrey for the vacant Senate position. Now, authorities have learned Oprah Winfrey planned to use her influence to help propel Rod...
Read full storyAnn Coulter's Image Added To New Dictionary
In an announcement of both good and bad news for attention loving commentator Ann Coulter, her image shall be added to the recently announced Illustrated Oxford English Dictionary under the heading of Slag. Her image was considered for the new e...
Read full storyBiden's Wife Stuns Oprah Audience with Hillary Revelation: Sec. of State Post "sloppy seconds"
Chicago,Il, Soap Oprah Times - "Jilly" Biden, wife of VP Elect Joe "loose cannon" Biden, stunned Oprah and her listeners recently when she revealed Hillary Clinton only got the Secretary of State Post because "Joey" didn't want it! According to Mr...
Read full storyNewest Disneyland To Be In Washington, D.C.
It was announced that the latest Disney theme park will be built in Washington, D.C. Washington was chosen because there is already a strong sense of living in a fantasy world there. Spokesman Goofieson stated "We feel that people in the D.C.
Read full storyWhen Harry dumped Chelsy
London - ('Paki' Sluts Mess): "No hard feelings? You bet! Harry hasn't managed a hard-on since that Nazi uniform caper back in 2007," a teary-faced Chelsy Davy sobbed today. The 23 year old peroxide bombshell was later seen leaving Clarence House...
Read full storyPolitically Correct Insults
Ever want to call someone stupid, but want to do it in a way that is politically correct? Here are some great suggestions... * A few clowns short of a circus * A few fries short of a Happy Meal * An experiment in artificial stupidity * A few beers short of a six pack * Dumber than a box of hair * A few peas short of a casserole * Doesn't...
Read full storyObama Finds Chewing Gum Under Oval Office Desk
Barack Obama strolled (well, more of a strut) into the Oval Office for the first time and tried out his chair behind the President's Desk. As he grabbed the front of the Resolute desk to pull the chair forward, however, his face changed and his eyes...
Read full storyNancy Pelosi Pole Dances in Inaugural Parade
Democratic Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi of California made the mistake of giving away all of her tickets to the Inagural Parade and did not save any for herself. In a move speaking of her enterprising and inventive nature, however, Pelosi decid...
Read full storyBugs Bunny Comes Clean About Dressing Like a Girl Bunny
San Fernando Valley, CA- Bugs Bunny, beloved cartoon character and arguably the most famous 'toon ever has said something he's wanted to say for a long, long time. He likes, no, he loves dressing as the Girl Bunny. The Girl Bunny was one of Bu...
Read full storyObama arrested after Millwall crowd trouble
President Barack Obama, until now the darling of the American public and as apple pie as a Bee Gees singer, was today arrested by Humberside police for what they called 'mindless hooliganism on an awesome scale', at the Hull City versus Millwall FA C...
Read full storyNew iVibe to Hit Sex Shops in Time for Valentine's Day
SAN JOSE, CA - AppleCo is creating quite a "buzz" in the marketplace, unexpectedly branching out into the marital aid market. The latest in the company's hugely successful line of products, the new iVibe, will be hitting adult stores in early Februa...
Read full storyBenitez resigns from Liverpool FC to sell property
Liverpool FC manager Rafael "Rafa" Benítez, aged 48 resigned in a suprise announcement live on air today, following the second draw with local rivals Everton FC in the FA Cup. Having announced the news with Sky Sports, Rafa explained that he had r...
Read full storySnopes Website Discovered to be Elaborate Hoax
Snopes, the formerly trusted website to which web-surfers the world over turned in order to separate fact from fiction and truth from urban legend, has itself been revealed to be an elaborate hoax. Stanley Gardner, the lead detective in the invest...
Read full storyIpswich Town To Be Thrown Out Of FA Cup?
Ipswich Town, who yesterday beat Chesterfield in the 3rd round of the FA Cup, are this morning the subject of an FA investigation after it was revealed that they may have fielded an inelligible fan. Chesterfield were only involved in the game as a...
Read full storyChesley Sullenberger Named Head of FAA
Pilot Chesley Sullenberger will head the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA). President-elect Barack Obama announced the appointment Friday morning. "Sullenberger has demonstrated a unique understanding of aviation safety," said Obama. The pilot...
Read full storyBernard Madoff - The Most Hated Man Since Adolph Hitler
YONKERS, New York - Disgraced financier Bernard Madoff is accused of duping investors out of as much as $50 billion in a giant Ponzi scheme. A reporter for The Baltimore Express Times News spoke with several high profile individuals who had invest...
Read full storyRevealed, the future of Doctor Who
Over the years, there have been ten Doctors, starting with William Hartnell in 1963, up to David Tennant, who will play the Doctor until 2010, when Matt Smith will take over. Inside sources at the BBC production team responsible for bringing back...
Read full storyUFO Disguised as AirBus Lands In Hudson River
An alien spaceship in the form of an earthling airplane landed in plain sight in the Hudson river between New York and New Jersey, according to a leading global news fabricator. The government cover story is some bull and cock tale about a brave and...
Read full storyMichelle Obama's Inaugural Gown Revealed!
The secret is finally out - Michelle Obama has picked a virtually unknown Chicago-based designer to fashion her inaugural gown. Details of the gown have just been leaked by E!. Designer Cécelia Hendrickson has fashioned the floor-length, A-lin...
Read full storyMillwall Fans Say Seats At Hull Were "Jolly Uncomfortable"
Millwall 'football fans' who ripped out and threw seats at Hull City supporters during yesterday's FA Cup fourth round tie at the KC Stadium, have said they did so because the seats in question were "jolly uncomfortable". The fans responsible are...
Read full storyBlagojevich Hires Drew Peterson's PR Firm
The Public Relations firm which has been representing "suspected" wife killer Drew Peterson has been enlisted to help the plight of poor victimized Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. All this comes on the heels of news that Blagojevich's lead atto...
Read full storyDog Poop Breakthrough
UK scientists are currently working on a dog food additive which will make their poo glow in the dark. The idea is to help shortsighted people and others to avoid the traumatic experience of stepping in it at night. In a random survey a Mr P.Goli...
Read full storySir Richard Branson Saints Chairman
Today Southampton Football Club have announced that Sir Richard Branson will take control of the club after they accepted a £40 million bid for the Championship outfit. Branson has said that "As I am the owner of Virgin Southampton fans will get c...
Read full storyKaka: Manchester City To Buy Woolworths Instead
Chaos this morning at Eastlands, where executives at Manchester City seem to have bowed to fan pressure, and have decided to shelve plans to buy the AC Milan star, Kaka, for a reputed £107million. The club will, instead, buy Woolworths. Critici...
Read full storyBlago's Next Salvo at DEMS: I May Remember Authenticating Barry's Birth Certificate,But Give Me a Minute, Will Ya?"
Chicago,Il./ Sun Times - Not since the days of George Patton racing to free US soldiers trapped in the Battle of the Bulge, have political historians seen such a fast moving offensive as that launched in recent days by Illinois' indicted Governor, R...
Read full storyBarack Obama in Monica Lewinsky Scandal
Newly sworn-in president Barack Obama was last night at the centre of a scandal involving former White House intern Monica Lewinsky. Following a number of post-inauguration balls last night, Mr Obama was found in the Oval Office 'a little worse fo...
Read full storyPalin Sends Massive Cold Wave To Disrupt Inauguration
Juneau AK-- Governor Sarah Palin is using HAARP technology to send a devastating cold wave to the Eastern Seaboard. The intense cold wave is scheduled to arrive just before the Obama Inauguration on January 20, 2009. Temperatures on the Washington...
Read full storyMcDonalds Plan To Honour Hero Pilot Captain Chesley Sullenberger With New Burger Thwarted
Fast food giant, McDonalds, has been thwated in its efforts to honour the hero pilot of the Miracle In Hudson Bay, Chesley Sullenbeger, by selling a heroic new sandwich - the McSullenburger. Captain Sullenberger safely landed his US Airways Airbus...
Read full storyDick "Dr. Strange Love" Cheney confined to wheelchair for Obama's Inauguration Day
Washington, DC - In addition to being confined to a wheelchair, Cheney will also be sporting shaded spectacles and wearing a black leather glove on his right hand as well. "Cheney was concerned with the sudden appearance of inexplicable burses on...
Read full storyLunch at the White House
The White House, January 7, 2009 Dear Mom, I have been in the US Navy for 11 months and was hoping to go to sea on an Aircraft Carrier after boot camp. However, I was assigned as a mess steward to the White House kitchen in Washington DC. Things have been pretty boring around here until today. President Bush hosted a luncheon for all of the living ex-presidents and the new president elect.
Read full storyOld Car Found In Garage To Go To Auction
When Horace Herriederson of Oldham discovered an old car in a lock up garage it didn't take him long to twig that he was onto a potential moneyspinner. "It won't fetch nearly as much as that Classic Bugatti they found in a garage up Tyneside way,"...
Read full storySimon's XXX Factor
Money making guru Simon Cowell plans to launch a new show in ITV's spring schedules to find Britain's newest porn star. Cowell said yesterday, "Over several series of the X Factor, I have been amazed by the British public's readiness to prostitut...
Read full storyDoner Kebabs Are Good For You Says Dietician
Following an announcement from the Department Of Health and Wellness that kebab shop punters may just as well swallow two glasses of used cooking oil as have a doner kebab, we were contacted by respected dietician Ali Bullo, who told us: "Is not t...
Read full storyMaster Chef rocked by controversy
The BBC's amateur foody programme, Master Chef, has been rocked by a series of controversies that have threatened to take the popular show from the airwaves. Master Chef has been running for the past fifteen years, and has showcased some of the be...
Read full storyManchester City Falling Apart
More problems at Eastlands this morning, after it was reported that, because Brazilian star Kaka wasn't coming, Craig Bellamy has put in a transfer request only hours after signing for Manchester City. Bellamy signed from West Ham for a fee though...
Read full storyWhat's Wrong with Male Gynecologists? (3 of 3)
Are male gynecologists professionals or perverts? Jeremiah 17:9 reads, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" What kind of a man would go into a profession of examining women's private parts? Don't tell me that he is not made of the same sinful flesh that every other man is made of. No man can look at pornographic images and not be affected. This...
Read full storyScolari sacked - Mourinho to return
Scolari sacked - Mourinho to returnPhil Scolari, the well respected manager of Chelsea, has been sacked tonight by club owner Roman Abramovich. The "Blues" managed to overcome a 1-0 deficit to beat unrated Southend United 4-1 in tonight replayed FA C...
Read full storyTeen queens, Brenda Song and Selena Gomez Fighting? The latest feud
Teen queens, Brenda Song and Selena Gomez are reportedly fighting. According to the voices in my head, the former-BFFs are not in speaking terms. The last time these beauties were spotted together was in October. Gomez betrayed Song and publicly...
Read full storyCharles Barkley Signed By The Oklahoma City Thunder
OKLAHOMA CITY, Oklahoma - The struggling Oklahoma City Thunder of the NBA who are (8-34) are to the point of desperation. Coach Scott Brooks, upon the recommendation of one of his players, Chucky Atkins has decided to sign TNT sports personality a...
Read full storyRobbie Williams to join Boyzone
Robbie Williams has shocked the pop world by announcing he will be joining the recently reformed "boy" band boyzone. The news was leaked to Damien Green, who was immediately arrested. On his release he made the following statement on behalf of Mr...
Read full storyWhoopi Goldberg 'Shoots' Ann Coulter in the Face on "The View"
Ann Coulter was the sultry centerpiece of hot girl-on-girl action on The View, unabashedly revealing her ass to millions (OK, maybe only thousands) of hard-core fans tuning in to watch Whoopi give the skinny little twinkie a long overdue spanking.
Read full storyObama confirmed for Glastonbury
Michael Eavis, founder of the Glastonbury festival, has managed to pull off another amazing booking for the Glastonbury headliner as recently inagurated President Barack Obama was confirmed as playing the 2009 concert. A number of people had quest...
Read full storyJust In: Off-Screen Romance for Twilight
Sources confirmed today what the rumor mill has been saying for weeks: there was indeed an off-screen tryst between Twilight's Charlie Swan and Victoria. "They caught each other's eyes, and seemed taken with each other from the moment they met," s...
Read full storyManchester United star Cristiano Ronaldo crashes second car
Manchester United star Cristiano Ronaldo has crashed a second car in as many days. It appears that on this occasion it was the inclement weather to blame, causing him to write off his £12,000 Skoda Favourit Cosworth in the driveway of his home.
Read full storyChannel 4 merges with Adult TV Channel
Troubled UK TV Channel, "Channel 4", has announced that it is to merge with a successful pornographic entertainment provider. "The merger makes perfect sense," said a spokesperson for Channel 4 - looking sultry in a low cut top, skirt and licking...
Read full storyWorld's Tallest Building Wins World Record
Throughout recorded history, whenever someone's won a war or where there's been an economic boom and a brief period of fickle confidence, or a major pick up on a National Lottery roll-over, there have been tall pointless structures erected to mark su...
Read full story