Written by Daniel Williams

Tuesday, 20 January 2009

image for Bush Reflecting on Mistakes: The Pastrami Debacle
"This here's dog meat. Good, good boy, Barney

An exclusive interview was granted by President George W Bush during his last hours acting as commander in chief.

Most of the interview was rather typical of others. On Iraq: "I decider'd that one good, didn't I?", to the 9/11 attacks and the subsequent attack on constitutional rights, "You haven't been killed by terrorists, have you?...Then what's your problem?"

When pressed for mistakes he had made while president, he hemmed and hahed considerably before he lit up:

"When I was first Inaugurized, I had just met the White House Chef. So I said to him, 'hey floppy hat guy' (see, that's what I call the, chef-floppy hat guy), anyway I said 'floppy hat guy, what do you make the best?' And he told me he made the best pastrami on rye on earth. So I ordered it. And you know what? It wasn't very good.

"So the next day comes, and I order roast beast on wheat, (get it roast beast? hehe), so I asked for the roast beef. And he says to me, 'What's the matter, didn't you like the pastrami? Everyone knows I make the best pastrami.' Well I didn't want to look like a guy who doesn't know a good pastrami on rye from a whole in the ground. So that's what I had for lunch every day at the White House for years."

Asked whether he ever stopped ordering it, President Bush explained, "Well I was in New York last year visiting women who had been widowized by 9/11. On my trip I stopped at this deli that's world famous. I ordered the pastrami, and you know what? It was amazing. Floppy hat guy never made it nearly that good. So I come home from the trip last fall and you know the first thing I did? I fired floppy hat guy. I have had amazing pastrami ever since."

We would like to thank the president for his insights with the confidence that the new White House chef will be way better than the one before.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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