Arsene Wenger Walks Out Of Arsenal

Funny story: Arsene Wenger Walks Out Of Arsenal

Confusion reigned at the Emirates Stadium this morning after it was announced that Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger had walked out of the club just hours before the Gunners' biggest Premier League game of the season so far, against Hull City at the KC Stad...

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Squirrel Epidemic

Funny story: Squirrel Epidemic

The image that first springs to mind when someone mentions a Squirrel is a cute little foraging creature with personality and great intelligence, well this positive persona is no longer in many parts of the world. As the classic grey squirrel is on a...

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Masturbating 'missing link' fined for 'auto-erotic' driving

Funny story: Masturbating 'missing link' fined for 'auto-erotic' driving

A man officially identified as a Darwinian 'missing link' has been fined $2,000 for filming himself masturbating while speeding along the highway in his convertible. The man is in jail until August after pleading guilty to growing high-speed cann...

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Gore Declares Victory Over Global Warming

Funny story: Gore Declares Victory Over Global Warming

Washington DC-- Former Vice-President Al Gore hailed the success of his campaign against global warming at a speech to the National Clown Club today. The flatulent ex-Veep stated colder global temperatures are a direct results of his tireless action...

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America Praised for Electing "Special Needs" President

Funny story: America Praised for Electing "Special Needs" President

WASHINGTON, D.C. - As George W. Bush's days as president draw to a close, people around the world have offered their highest praise to the United States of America. Offering our highest position to a man with special needs, they say, represents a gi...

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Huntsville, Alabama Man Steals Baby's Nose

Funny story: Huntsville, Alabama Man Steals Baby's Nose

While family members sat on their collective asses and did nothing, visiting grandfather Johnny "Old John" Jonson proclaimed that he had stood right there and stole their two-year-old son's nose. "Oh, that's just Granpa John's ways", stated the c...

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Bush Signs Law Allowing Foreign Nationals To Serve As President

President George W. Bush signed bill no. 4852A into law this morning allowing foreign-born citizens to hold the office of the Presidency. The bill, hastily drafted and passed unanimously by both the House and Senate, was on the President's desk a...

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Obama Actually Born In Kenya, Aides Admit

In a statement released to the media late last night, the Office of the President-Elect Barack Obama claimed that he was actually born in Kenya. "It's true", said an Obama spokesman. "Barack actually WAS born in Kenya. We had thought it was Hawa...

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Michelle O's Big Bum Controversy

Funny story: Michelle O's Big Bum Controversy

WASHINGTON - The Presidential Inaugural Committee in charge of allocating tickets to the inaugural balls are running into some flack. Trying to avoid a repeat of the embarrassment First Lady Laura Bush suffered in 2006, when she arrived at the Kenned...

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Bernard Madoff - The Most Hated Man Since Adolph Hitler

Funny story: Bernard Madoff - The Most Hated Man Since Adolph Hitler

YONKERS, New York - Disgraced financier Bernard Madoff is accused of duping investors out of as much as $50 billion in a giant Ponzi scheme. A reporter for The Baltimore Express Times News spoke with several high profile individuals who had invest...

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Help Nigerian Prince

Funny story: Help Nigerian Prince

Dear Friends, My name is Ndugood. I am a wealthy Nigerian prince who loves the jazz of music. I am seeking your help to move $200,000,000 from my checking account here in Nigeria to the United States . I too love the jazz of music and am planning to flee to America to open many jazz clubs at which I would like you to perform. You will receive $42,000 a night, plus a meal. My new " Tribal Villa...

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Ann Coulter Not "Banned For Life" From Today Show

Funny story: Ann Coulter Not "Banned For Life" From Today Show

Apparently Ann Coulter has not been banned from appearing on NBC's "Today" show and was on the show, hosted by Matt Lauer, Wednesday morning. Reports earlier in the week on the Drudge Report had claimed that she would no longer be on the show afte...

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Israel makes the Gaza strip and Britney makes Gazza strip

Funny story: Israel makes the Gaza strip and Britney makes Gazza strip

International diplomacy suffered a severe setback yesterday when it was revealed that Paul 'Gazza' Gascoigne was forced to strip naked by Britney Spears, at a peace conference to end the Israel/Hammas conflict. Ms Spears was apparently attending t...

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Sir Alex sent into Israel

Funny story: Sir Alex sent into Israel

Sir Alex Ferguson was today given a new job, to go to Israel and sort out the war that is raging there - or rather the Israeli army massacring civilian Palestinians that is raging there. Speaking from Tel-Aviv airport, the Man U manager said: 'Aye...

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Liverpudlian Rhapsody (to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody)

Funny story: Liverpudlian Rhapsody (to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody)

Is this our Stevie? Captain of LFC? Arrested in Southport All caught on CCTV. Open "The Sun" It's there on Page One, you'll see. I'm just a Scouser I need some help Because I'm Huyton-born, Huyton-bred Once a Blue, now a Red. Whatever the truth is, it doesn't really matter to me. [Piano: Dumm di dum dum, dumm di dum dum] Rafa! It's Stevie here. I've just t*watted a DJ And they've...

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CBB Latest. Celebrity Shooting Shocker

Funny story: CBB Latest. Celebrity Shooting Shocker

It is reported that a "drive-by shooting" incident has occurred in the Celebrity Big Brother house. The facts are not yet clear but it seems that the incident involves the theft of Verne Troyer's mobility scooter by fellow housemate and profession...

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Willie's Wisdom (1)

Willie's Wisdom - Let the Scottish Sage Solve All Your Problems Dear Willie, I have a small problem I was hoping you might be able to help me with. The thing is I have recently started going out with a very nice girl, but the thing is she's six foot two while I'm only five three and I'm afraid of heights. Yours, Tommy, Chicago Dear Tommy, I cannae see how that's a 'wee' problem.

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Panic stockpiling of light-bulbs

Funny story: Panic stockpiling of light-bulbs

With the European Union set to ban the sale of incandescent light-bulbs in 2012, panicked shoppers are stockpiling them three years ahead of the ban. The aim of the EU is to encourage shoppers to switch to the more environmentally friendly low ene...

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Brown: Crisis What Crisis?

Funny story: Brown: Crisis What Crisis?

Echoing doomed 70's Labour prime minister James Callaghan, Gordon Brown today said, 'Crisis What Crisis?' This was in answer to questions about the doomed economy, increasing job losses and the theory about man made global warming being shattered...

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German Chancellor urges compuslory OAP cremations to ease EU gas supply crisis

Funny story: German Chancellor urges compuslory OAP cremations to ease EU gas supply crisis

Berlin - (Freezing Ass Mess): German Chancellor Angela Merkel is to introduce emergency power-generation measures following Russia's shutdown of vital gas supplies to the EU. From this weekend all German old age pensioners are to be compulsorily c...

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Fresh New Entertainment & Gossip #6

Funny story: Fresh New Entertainment & Gossip #6

Hugh Hefner in a statement of his idea of having a True Love "A True Love for me is defined almost exclusively in terms of romantic love as defined by the films of my childhood, especially when I was 13 and all those secret Betty Page photos and...

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Trains halted by "the wrong type of ice"

Funny story: Trains halted by "the wrong type of ice"

The British rail system was today in turmoil after being caught out by the wrong type of ice. Stations had to be closed and trains stopped en route stranding commuters as plunging temperatures gripped the nation. Head of Rail infrastructure Sir H...

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Five Ways to Slay the Beast of 2009

Funny story: Five Ways to Slay the Beast of 2009

January kicks off 2009 with a few depressing issues. Remember that clot Gore and the global warming fiasco of last year? (we're all gonna sweat to death or drown due the melting icecaps) Remember the savings made by not having to fork out for ant...

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UK Appeal for Brain Donors! Que?

Funny story: UK Appeal for Brain Donors! Que?

Dr. Sigmund Scrunt, Head of Pathology at the NHS-affiliated PFI company Organs-R-Us, says more people need to donate their brains to medical research if cures for diseases like Athlete's Foot and Galloping Dandruff are to be found. Dr. Scrunt exp...

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BBC Embroiled in New Outrage

Funny story: BBC Embroiled in New Outrage

BBC Chiefs are once again reeling today after another crisis hit the floundering institution, just weeks after Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross shocked thousands of people who didn't listen to their programme. The new outrage centers around Jenni M...

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Forget The Angry Whopper - Try The Mad Mac!

Funny story: Forget The Angry Whopper - Try The Mad Mac!

DALLAS, TX - Who's got a beef? Mick Donald's, that's who. Never one to be outdone, Mickey D's has introduced a well-timed response to its competitor's angry whopper of a burger - the all new Mad Mac. This double-stacked, mouth-watering, mad as hel...

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X-Factor's Leona Lewis and her "amazing" autobiography

Funny story: X-Factor's Leona Lewis and her "amazing" autobiography

X-Factor winner Leona Lewis is said to have signed a deal for her "amazing" autobiography for publication later this year. Her publisher, Doddery and Powton, said the book would be "amazing" because the singer is only 23 and has only been known fo...

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Gaza Strip Residents Fed Up Of Being Linked With Paul Gascoigne

Funny story: Gaza Strip Residents Fed Up Of Being Linked With Paul Gascoigne

Palastinian residents of the Gaza Strip have told UN officials that, as well as the constant aerial bombardment from Israel that they are having to put up with, they are also "very concerned" about being linked with ex-Newcastle United and England fo...

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New Doctor Who Is A Young Child

Funny story: New Doctor Who Is A Young Child

There was surprise amongst the millions of fans of Doctor Who this week as the identity of the new Doctor was revealed. Several names had been thrown into the hat, amongst them James Nesbitt, David Morrissey and even Billie Piper, but the new face...

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FBI Arrests Man Who Wipes His Nose On $100 Bills

Funny story: FBI Arrests Man Who Wipes His Nose On $100 Bills

Mohamad Ahtiziou, the former handkerchief tycoon from Ohio who famously uses 100$ bills to wipe his nose, has been arrested and taken away for questioning by FBI agents. Ahtiziou was at his Chicago home on Sunday, when operatives burst through his...

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There's A Little Wile E. Coyote In All Of Us

Funny story: There's A Little Wile E. Coyote In All Of Us

SAN FRANCISCO - Is there anyone who's never seen a Roadrunner/Wile E. Coyote cartoon? Someone who's never heard of Acme? Over the years, Warner Brothers' cartoon division has produced some of the funniest cartoons and one of the most colorful and identifiable casts of characters in the history of animation. Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd, Daffy Duck and Porky Pig, Sylvester and Tweety, Speedy Gonzal...

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The Test Card is Back

Funny story: The Test Card is Back

The BBC, often regarded as one of the most forward thinking broadcasters in the world is taken a massive leap backwards by re-introducing the test card. The Test Card, familiar to British Children of the sixties and seventies, was the image burned...

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A Delicious Solution To the Illegal Immigration Problem

Funny story: A Delicious Solution To the Illegal Immigration Problem

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Ahh, the Burger, that sinfully delicious, tender and juicy, cherished American classic. I don't mind telling you, there are not many things I enjoy more than a really good burger. Perhaps the only thing better is a cheeseburger. I often substitute a veggie patty, but most red-blooded Americans aren't too keen on this idea, so let me share with you some secrets to making a ri...

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Obesity could possibly lower self esteem

Funny story: Obesity could possibly lower self esteem

It has been known for some time that obesity poses a major risk for chronic diseases, including type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease, hypertension and stroke, Burton's plums, and certain forms of cancer. However scientists have now discovered t...

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Google's Plan For Drunk Emailers

Funny story: Google's Plan For Drunk Emailers

Google has come up with a way to stop people sending embarrassing e-mails when they are drunk - Mail Goggles. Having sent many drunken e mails himself, top Gmail engineer Jon Marshall wanted to come up with a system to stop people sending messages...

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Austrian Catholic Condemns Wanting your Schnitzel and Eating it Too

Funny story: Austrian Catholic Condemns Wanting your Schnitzel and Eating it Too

Carl Djerassi, an Austrian chemist who helped to develop the first birth control pills has condemned the results of his research. Djerassi accuses Europeans of wanting their schnitzel and eating it too. The Austrian Fellatio society has taken excepti...

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New iVibe to Hit Sex Shops in Time for Valentine's Day

Funny story: New iVibe to Hit Sex Shops in Time for Valentine's Day

SAN JOSE, CA - AppleCo is creating quite a "buzz" in the marketplace, unexpectedly branching out into the marital aid market. The latest in the company's hugely successful line of products, the new iVibe, will be hitting adult stores in early Februa...

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Israel Joins US in Manufacture of Future Terrorists

Funny story: Israel Joins US in Manufacture of Future Terrorists

Though the 21st Century has experienced no shortage of radical revolutionists, both the US and now Israel have exhibited the foresight to insure a steady supply of a whole new generation of Islamic terrorists. Wars in Iraq, Afghanistan and mounti...

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Alaska's Sarah Palin and Sister Region Southwest England Declare Global Warming Bullshit

Funny story: Alaska's Sarah Palin and Sister Region Southwest England Declare Global Warming Bullshit

In a cross cultural climate conference, Alaskan Governor Sarah Polar Palin joined with the Association of Southwest English Frigidity to declare global warming to be just so much polar bear poop. All of the participants in the cross regional colloqui...

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Shrodinger's Cat Put Up For Adoption

Funny story: Shrodinger's Cat Put Up For Adoption

BERKELEY, CA - Physicists at U.C. Berkeley, home of Shrodinger's cat for the last several years, have decided to give up their quantum kitty. "He's become quite a nuisance lately. We love him to death, but his behavior is completely unpredictable...

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