Following an announcement from the Department Of Health and Wellness that kebab shop punters may just as well swallow two glasses of used cooking oil as have a doner kebab, we were contacted by respected dietician Ali Bullo, who told us:
"Is not true. Bastards. They lie.."
We asked Ali Bullo why anybody would lie about such a serious subject.
"They all lying bastards," he told us. "Cutting doner is an art form. You have to cut doner thin, like paper, then all fatty shit stays in bain marie. Also the doner has to be cooked out so it is brown and tasty. No like anaemic grey crap served up inna de Newcastle on a Fryder neet."
Professor B.G. Fatschit of Durham University challenged Ali Bullo's claims by saying that doner kebabs were totally devoid of nutritional value, and that even the salad accompaniment was steeped in polyunsaturated fats.
"I no understand why this fat bastard say these things," Ali Bullo told us. "Him good customer. Him have chilli sauce and leave good tip."
So why would the professor decry doner kebabs with such passion?
"So him can get to front of queue," Ali Bullo told us. "Him talking shit. Greedy bastard. He so frickin clever let him sell pasta salad to pissed up Geordies on a Fryder neet. Him go bust. One week. You see."
Respected dietician Ali Bullo also runs a kebab business, including a van at Everest base camp, so in theory he should know what he's talking about.
More as we get it.