Obama Saves The Planet & The Universe
President Barack Obama, master of the universe and second coming of Christ today changed the world forever at the Copenahgen Climate Change Summit. The 'Modern Day Jesus' told the world that "meaningful and unprecedented" breakthroughs had been ma...
Read full storyTiger Woods To Retire From Golf So He Can Concentrate On Women
New York, NY - Tiger Woods has released a statement that he will be retiring from golf so that he can concentrate on accommodating his more than willing fan base of women or find time to "...pull more chicks." In acknowledging that his marriage is...
Read full storyAfrican dictators back new Obama climate plan
After threatening to walk out of climate negotiations, African dictators are back on board after US President Barack Obama put a new offer on the table. 'The offer of $100 billion to help African nations address their urgent climate-related needs...
Read full storyControversy erupts over Nordegren children - plumber, mailman claim paternity
After Elin Nordegren's tearful confession that Tiger Woods is not the father of her children, and identified 'the pool boy' as their father, two other men stepped forward to claim paternity. Nordegren married Woods in 2004, and later gave birth to...
Read full storyAttack of The Killer Snow
Katarina Frogpond has discovered a new destructive force of nature that is capable of bringing entire cities to a standstill. Its called "English Snow" and it is, apparently, a very dangerous substance indeed. From evidence obtained today, from w...
Read full storyLily Allen Christmas Song
Lily Allen has recorded a special Christmas version of her recent single, "The Fear". Here is an exclusive preview of the lyric. Feel free to sing this at your Christmas party. Lily Allen Christmas (to the tune of "The Fear") I want some mince pies and I want lots of presents I don't want a turkey 'cos I want a pheasant I want lots of cards and a big sprig of holly And I hope Father...
Read full storySarah Palin: "Santa Claus or Comrade Claus?"
(New York-NY) Sarah Palin took time off from a book signing for "Going Rogue" to make a comment on Santa Clause and Barack Obama. "I wouldn't be surprised if Santa starts chanting "Ho-Ho-Obama. I mean they're both socialists." The comment came las...
Read full storyComputer error messages that you would NOT want to see on your computer.
Aren't error messages good things? Whereas many error as are really helpful, there are those that can be quite unhelpful. Here is a selection of some that are in the wild now. Windows has detected that there is no keyboard present. Hit F1 to continue. Illegal error detected - You are not allowed to make this error. Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong, please ignore. Windows...
Read full storyWilly Wanker and the Chocolate Shit Factory - Part 6
Previous Chapters: Part 1| Part 2| Part 3| Part 4| | Part 5 Part 6 So, to recap, of the children who won admittance to the wonderful magical world of Willy Wanker's Chocolate Shit Factory only Milly O ' Nare and Charlie Fuckitt remain. German fat boy Uder died after getting trapped in the u-bend of a giant toilet-cum-chocolate shit lake; Oirish itinerant traveller boy Pikey Gee-Gee wa...
Read full storyTiger Woods 'playing pocket billiards in the dark'
Orlando, Fla - (Fore! Play) Fallen golfing giant Tiger Woods has taken up playing pocket billiards according to neighbors who saw him fumbling around in the dark. The 33 year-old champion putter is said to have tossed aside any idea of a golfing c...
Read full storyJingle Alert! Jingle Alert!
London - Police have issued a Jingle Alert for the following spirits: The Ghost of Christmas Past, The Ghost of Christmas Present and the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come. These three spirits were last seen at the home of one E. Scrooge in London.
Read full storyElf Film blamed as boy turns green
After watching the Film ELF schoolboy Tony Green of Greenhill Road in Glasgow has painted himself green which does not go down to well in some areas of Glasgow where they would rather be painted Orange. Tony watched the film Elf over and over aga...
Read full storyInfamous Auschwitz "Arbeit Macht Frei" sign stolen by the CIA, Obama wants to hang it over his bed!
The Infamous sign at Auschwitz, "Arbeit Macht Frei" has been stolen. Jews, Israel-Nazis, the Polish government, Russian Nazis (enough of them) are in uproar about the theft and immediately blamed Polish neo-Nazis wishing to hang the sign up in the...
Read full storyJamie Jungers Sells Nude Photos of Tiger Woods To PlayChick Magazine
BOSTON - The editor-in-chief of one of the nation's most widely read (and viewed) publications PlayChick has confirmed that her magazine has in fact purchased nude photos of Eldrick Tont "Tiger" Woods. Tassie Bungalow, PlayChick editor-in-chief st...
Read full storyAnimal Rights Leaders Call For Members To Sacrifice Themselves
Chicken, Alaska - Today leaders of an animal rights group have called on their membership to begin to sacrifice themselves for the betterment of the poor animals who are going hungry through out the world. 'There is nothing more important than a w...
Read full story'Dr. Watson and the British Open Mystery'
As Dr. Watson sat reading The Times at his breakfast table in Baker Street, he stopped as he noticed the back page where the sports section was. 'I see The British Open is starting tomorrow', he remarked to his colleague, Sherlock Holmes, 'what a strange game golf is! And how strange we forget to publish this story in the summer! Lots of otherwise sane men and women, hitting bits of -' 'We h...
Read full storyBrown embarasses again
Copenhagen, Denmark. British PM Gordon Brown has arrived in the Danish capital today to attend the concluding sessions of UN Conference on Climate Change. Unfortunately, he immediately began embarassing himself and his fellow staff with "off the c...
Read full storyUnited Nations Believe Iran Leader Ahmadinejad Serious This Time!
In a special appearance before United Nations inspectors whom he had invited to Iran, it's president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad welcomed the men and women to Tehran personally. "We will later this morning tour our nuclear facilities and I welcome you on...
Read full storyObama Speaks in Copenhagen
Copenhagen - President Barak Obama spoke this morning in Copenhagen telling world leaders "the nations of the world to come together behind a common purpose." He also stated that he could really use their help with this. 'I am really startin...
Read full storyKristen Stewart Has The Hots For Taylor Lautner
The big secret among those on the inside of the Twilight series is that Kristen Stewart no longer has eyes or sighs for Robert Pattinason but for fellow actor, Taylor Lautner. "I don't want to be identified", stated a disguised voice over the tele...
Read full storyPrince Charles Injured In Riding Incident!
A report out of Britain this morning stated that Prince Charles was badly injured after being thrown off late last night by Camilla Parker-Bowles. "I don't mind the rough ride" stated Camilla to reporters this morning, "and all that 'Taily Hole!'...
Read full storyTiger counter-sues 'tarnished trophy wife'
Orlando, Fla - (Bonkers): Golf legend Tiger Woods is counter-suing wife Elin in a divorce petition accusing her of tarnishing his reputation. "Ain't a ho alive would've treated my client so shabbily," attorney-at-law Randy F Buckskin commented tod...
Read full storyMichelle Obama: Tiger Did Not Twitter Me!
Press Secretary Robert Gibbs announced today in an emergency press conference, that the first lady emphatically denied being Twittered by International Lover and Golf Icon Tiger Woods. Gibbs read a statement from the first lady to a group of stu...
Read full storyKrismasday is coming
In a primary school in Glasgow there was uproar at the children's xmas party when Santa Claus was handing out the presents to the children. Six year old Jamie McGregor was being given his present when he said to Santa in front of all the pupils &...
Read full storyHere comes Santa Claus
Santa Claus appeared at a press conference in Copenhagen today only yards away from the conference on Global Warming and slammed the Global Warming scaremongers claiming its just as bloody freezing in the North pole as its always been. Santa was i...
Read full storyAirline Hire Al-Qaeda Aircrew To Beat Christmas Strike Shock
In a surprise announcement today Bumbling Airlines has announced that it will use scab cabincrew supplied by Al-Qaeda to guarantee its scheduled flights over the Christmas period. A spokesman for the union stated: "We understand the twelve day str...
Read full storyObama Arrives in Copenhagen - Drunk!
The burning topic is meant to be climate change in Europe this week, but on arrival today, US President Barack Obama was the centre of discussion for very different reasons than hoped by many. Air Force 1 landed in Copenhagen in the early hours an...
Read full storyIs 'orgasmic handshake' hypnotherapist behind Tiger Woods' philandering?
Orlando, Fla - (Putters): TV hypnotist Tom Silver distanced himself today from reports that he taught Tiger Woods stage tricks that mesmerise women into thinking they have had an orgasm when they shake a man's hand. The move follows claims by seve...
Read full storyGoodbye Terry Wogan
Terry Wogan left his Radio 2 show this morning to the tune of "Me and the Elephants", and left Katarina Frogpond (that's me) devastated. Katarina has been listening to Terry Wogan since the day she was born and now he's not going to be there any...
Read full storyLewinsky says Clinton 'lied about four of his kids'
Little Cock, Arkansas - (Rotters): Tiger Woods and Tom Hanks are his eldest sons according to a new book that cites former White House intern Monica Lewinsky. And a top UK politician's son is another of Clinton's special-needs cuckoos, implanted a...
Read full storyHarriet Harman Issued an ASBO
Gordon Brown was left with some explaining to do when Harriet Harman, governemt Minister was issued an ASBO for singing the current Rage Against The Machine single - Killing In The Name 'in anger' while shopping. Ms Harman had been shopping at Lid...
Read full storyHollywood Help Group Started For Stars Married To Gorgeous Wives Yet Who Still Diddle Prostitutes.
Rising to meet the current celebrity fiasco involving extra-marital affairs, Hollywood based Psychological Resources group has set up a new service to aid those stars who are unable to keep their sexual organs within the family sphere of things.
Read full storyTalentless Hack backs McElderry over Cowell Monopoly threat
X Factor winner and warbling Geordie foetus Joe McElderry does not deserve to be "stuck in the middle" of a fight for the Christmas number one, said Svengali and champion of the unefesibly high waist band Simon Cowell. A brilliantly conceived cam...
Read full storyFried Egg depression and Nipple UFO crater found off the Azores
Atlantic Ocean - (Eggs-Files): Oceanographers have dubbed it the Anna Nicole Smith of ufology remains: "Viewed from the International Space Station the underwater mounds resemble a pair of giant deflated breasts," an assistant to Portuguese ocea...
Read full storyBig freeze at global warming conference
As President Obama arrived in a snow storm in Copenhagen to attend the International Conference on Global Warming reports were coming in that 7 delegates have had to attend hospital with broken ankles and some with broken legs after falling in the ic...
Read full storyBritain Hit By Snow - CLIMATE CHANGE...PANIC!
Last night, parts of Britain saw the most snowfall since summer. Scientists, mainly those funded by governments with more money than sense have confirmed that THIS IS ALL DUE TO CLIMATE CHANGE "Before yesterday, we had experienced no snowfall in t...
Read full storyHoly Mackerel Andy! - Tiger's Putter and Balls Are In The Vise
SAN FRANCISCO - Dr. Andy Nick Firebrick, a graduate of San Francisco's Golden Gate A&M University is one of the nation's leading experts on scandalous affairs. He has pointed out that before the entire "Golf Gate" gallery gets to the 18th hol...
Read full storyI am no longer television's top wanker, Jonathan Ross reveals ruefully
Following crisis talks, Jonathan Ross is coming to terms with the idea that he is no longer leading the salary ranks. After being top of the pay and perks tree for nearly a decade he has slipped below Bruce Forsyth and now comes right behind Graham N...
Read full storyNew England Patriots Mascot Arrested In Sex Sting Operation
PROVIDENCE, Rhode Island - Providence police have informed the New England Patriots head office that they have arrested Boyd Gurky Kankakee, aka The New England Patriots Mascot. Kankakee who has been the Patriots mascot for three years was arreste...
Read full storyUFO Abducts Spoof Writer Bargis Tryhol for Sexual Experiments
Satire writer Bargis Tryhol was allegedly awakened last week from a deep sleep by a band of extraterrestrial females originating from a planet circling a star in the constellation Beta Riticuli for the purpose of sexual experimentation, according to...
Read full storyRachael Ray throws up during show, discovers that her recipes taste like crap
New York City, New York - In an outcome that left technicians and staffers on the set revolted, popular TV chef Rachael Ray left an unsightly trail of Gorgonzola cheese and Arugula leaves splattered all over her kitchen floor as she dashed madly towa...
Read full storyDanes Suffer From Repressed Viking Syndrome
Copenhagen DK: A noted Danish psychologist, Dr. Hans Bloomersjold, has theorized why the Danes are violently protesting outside the Climate Change Conference. Dr. Bloomersjold believes that the environmental fanatics who break windows and burn car...
Read full story12 Days of Christmas Lowered To 10 Days
Washington DC - In an effort to lessen strain on Christmas shoppers the Federal Government has cut the last two days from the popular '12 Days of Christmas' song. Holiday Czar Hughby Uugli made the decision after finding out just how much all the...
Read full storySarah Palin and Arnold Schwarzenegger Get Into An Ass Kicking Contest
SACRAMENTO, California - The ex-governor of Alaska Sarah Palin was accused by California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger of only talking about climate change because she wants to be the GOP nominee in 2012. Palin fired back that he does not have hi...
Read full storyTeacher On Leave For Taking School Choir To Hooters!
A music teacher, whose students once performed at a presidential inauguration event, is on administrative leave after taking 40 high school students to a Hooters restaurant. "We were trying to get people to listen to some Holiday songs and get awa...
Read full storyDebunking Santa - A pessimist's view on Christmas
It's that time of the year again folks; the succulent juicing of the Western economy by the hand of business clad, cigar-chomping corporatists, throwing bones of greed and envy as the masses flock in typical fashion to the corporate parlors, in search of their annual fix. Their children, indoctrinated from an early age to buy into the idea of an obese, sherry-goggled, borderline paedophiliac,...
Read full storySpoof Writer Dazed and Confused After White House Tour Turns into Power Lunch with Joe Biden
A jaded Spoof Writer, bored and with nothing to do, decided to sign up for a White House tour as something he felt he had to do before this too was denied the American Public. Imagine his surprise, while standing peacefully in the queue, when he w...
Read full storyHow to solve a government 'problem'
On some occasions, and these will hopefully be rare, there will come a time when a policy problem of such magnitude arises that decisions will have to be made and actions taken. The policy in question may need to be revised, or even replaced. These problems are likely to be due to advances in technology or science impacting on regulatory agencies' ability to operate, economic imperatives that migh...
Read full storyTheresa Rogers Claims She Has A Six-Year-Old "Tiger" Cub
WELLINGTON, Florida - The senior member of Tiger Woods "Scorecard Cutey Club" Theresa Rogers has revealed that her goal was to have a little "Tiger" cub from her boyfriend Eldrick Tont Woods. She was so convinced that it would happen that she went...
Read full storyThe Detroit Tigers Are Seriously Considering A Name Change
DETROIT - The owners, players, and fans of the Detroit Tigers are extremely upset at the way that the name of their beloved team has been horribly muddied due to the raging hormonal antics of Mr. Tiger Woods. Carlota Primavera, 76, a long time Tig...
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