Terry Wogan left his Radio 2 show this morning to the tune of "Me and the Elephants", and left Katarina Frogpond (that's me) devastated.
Katarina has been listening to Terry Wogan since the day she was born and now he's not going to be there anymore, she doesn't know how she's going to wake up in the mornings.
"Terry Wogan was my alarm clock" Explained Katarina, when she interviewed herself this morning. "He came on the radio at 7.30 and my brain woke up. That's just the way things were. I've woken up to the sound of Wogan's sarcasm and wit every day of my life and now I'm not sure if its possible to wake up without him.
"So what does this mean?" She asked herself.
"It means" Said Katarina. "That I might never be able to get out of bed again. It means that I'll never be able to go to work again. Stange and bizarre things will just have to go unreported because I can't get out of bed anymore. My goldfish might die because I won't be able to feed him."
"What does this mean for your career at Spoof News. You are the number 5 Spoof Writer in the entire universe (this week), you know. You can't let people down. Who's going to help X-factor winner Geordie Vampire Joe catch the infamous art thief Princess "Geordie McMaxwell" Eugenie" Katarina asked herself in horror.
"I don't know." Said Katarina "Its a big problem. Who can ever replace Terry Wogan on the Radio?"
"Em, that would be Chris Evans" Katarina told herself.
"Oh." Said Katarina guiltily "I quite like him. I might like him ...more... than I like Terry Wogan."
"Problem solved, then. On with the crime fighting, and strange bizarrity hunting."
"Yes. Life can continue as normal. Where's the goldfish food."
By Katarina Frogpond.