New England Patriots Mascot Arrested In Sex Sting Operation

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 18 December 2009


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The Providence Police Department has marked this NFL football as exhibit C.

PROVIDENCE, Rhode Island - Providence police have informed the New England Patriots head office that they have arrested Boyd Gurky Kankakee, aka The New England Patriots Mascot.

Kankakee who has been the Patriots mascot for three years was arrested in a sex sting operation at The Mrs. Paul Revere Motel and charged with prostitution, illegal parking, having no I.D., and drinking way too much beer.

Kankakee offered the arresting officers free 50 yard line tickets, which the officers refused. They then turned around and charged him with trying to bride a police officer.

Police took the New England Patriots mascot costume and marked it as exhibit A. Kankakee's boxer shorts were marked as exhibit B, the NFL football is exhibit C, and his accordion was marked as exhibit D.

The three gerbils were taken out to the motel's parking lot and released.

When Kankakee was asked what possessed him to get into the world of prostitution he replied that he was working one day as a mascot, usually on Sunday, and so that left the other six days open and he got bored, and decided to go into business for himself.

A spokesperson for the New England Patriots was asked if Kankakee would be terminated and he replied that it all depends on the outcome of the trial.

In other mascot news. The Princeton University Tigers athletic department has voted to change their mascot name. They said that it is due to the adverse negative publicity that the name Tiger has received thanks to Tiger Woods and his sordid mess. The Princeton football team will now be known as The Princeton Panthers.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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