Rachael Ray throws up during show, discovers that her recipes taste like crap

Written by Oscar Marrano

Friday, 18 December 2009

New York City, New York - In an outcome that left technicians and staffers on the set revolted, popular TV chef Rachael Ray left an unsightly trail of Gorgonzola cheese and Arugula leaves splattered all over her kitchen floor as she dashed madly towards the sink to throw up. The incident occurred towards the latter part of her show, right after Ray tasted one of her signature Christmas recipes only to discover that it tasted like awful crap.

"As soon as we saw her face turn blue when she tasted her dish, we knew something was wrong," explained a shocked Mary Jo Ramirez, one of Ray's assistants on the show. "I mean, we were expecting her usual choreographed reaction upon tasting it. You know, her 'Ooh, this is sooooo delicious' reaction, as if she had just tasted something prepared by Emeril or Bobby Flay. But she just acted like she had been served rat poison mixed with some anti-fungus foot cream", recalled Ramirez with a concerned look on her face, adding that "it's as if years of pretending that her dishes are good have finally caught up with her. I hope she's alright."

Although she could not be specific about what Ray had actually said, Ramirez mentioned that her boss' immediate words after tasting her dish sounded like: "Tgish taistsh aghful! Wgath Tghe fgug ish dish cgap! Blehrgh!"

Members of Ray's crew were surprised at this setback, given Ray's ample experience in the show: "She [Ray] has cooked some foul-smelling dishes before, but she'd always been able to flash that beautiful smile while gasping for air without anybody really noticing", said cameraman George Hermannson. "And who could forget last Christmas' Pine Nut Couscous. We all thought she was remodeling the set, because it looked like drywall plaster", remembered Hermannson with a smile. "She was not amused when Joe used a trowel to serve it", he added with a chuckle.

According to Ramirez, although the incident meant lost time for the crew and the need to re-tape the show, damages were not as severe as they could have been: "In retrospect, I am really happy that Rachael did not go with the Christmas Black Bean Chili Casserole that she had originally planned. Now that could have been a disaster", said a visibly relieved Ramirez.

At press time it had been impossible to get a reaction from Ray because she was still throwing up her Arugula Salad. Sources revealed that her next recipe would include a delicious Pepto Bismol Shake, as well as generous amounts of Tums Antacid.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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