Friends Say They Never Suspected Neighbor Was Serial Killer
In the wake of his capture Monday, serial killer Buford George Jones is being recalled by neighbors as an ordinary type person. "I would have never expected it from Buford", stated one neighbor who's wife and kids apparently ran off to a life of...
Read full storyDolly Parton says Miley Cyrus' Tits are too small
Country music legend Dolly Parton has told teenage superstar Miley Cyrus that her tits are too small and that she'll need to work on making them bigger. Parton was of course referring to Cyrus' avian titties and the small size of the chicks compar...
Read full storyRussell Brand To Read BBC Ten O'Clock News
Russell Brand, the rude, disgraceful, disgusting, despicable dickhead who left offensive and inappropriate comments on Andrew Sachs voicemail, has been revealed as the new presenter of the BBC Ten O'Clock News programme. The freakish Brand made hi...
Read full storyBeatles told 'it's not a pointless tour'
The Beatles' forthcoming tour, with a new lead guitarist and new rhythm guitarist, and 2 new song-writers, is not pointless, their former producer George Martin said today. 'I can see the point of it', Martin said, 'they're getting Julian Lennon i...
Read full story'Pool Fans Nick Stanley Park Foundations - Club Pawned for Loan
The development of work on Liverpool FC's new stadium, Stanley Park, has been hit by a huge setback amid reports that the foundations had been stolen. Police released a statement on 22nd October confirming that a theft had "taken place in the earl...
Read full storyHey…Pimp my Ride…Coppa!
In an effort to remove the perpetrators of gun and knife crime off the street the Metropolitan Police have dreamt up of a new idea to catch these criminals. Inspired by the 'Childsnatcher' in the film 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang' the police hope to catc...
Read full story30 October: Day of Remembrance of the Victims of Political Repression by the KGB Monarch
London - (Hitler's Daughter Mess): This Thursday's Day of Remembrance of the Victims of Political Repression by the KBG Puppet Monarch is being marked by the UK Anti-Terror Squad with a dawn raid on Westfield, London's latest shopping mall. The po...
Read full storySarah Palin and John McCain to Star in Coen Brother's Film "No Country for REALLY Old Men."
Joel and Ethan Coen, the film makers announced today that they will sequel their block buster hit "No Country for Old Men" and point the film in the direction of their customary dark humor with a twist. According to the brothers they will star V...
Read full storyJonathan Ross Sacked Over Bestiality Allegations
BBC film cwitic, Jonathan Ross, has been sacked after he was arrested by police on charges of Bestiality. Ross was appearing as a guest on the Russell Brand BBC Radio 2 show on October 18, when the host telephoned ex-Fawlty Towers actor Andrew Sac...
Read full storyExtremist Headbangers to be Barred from UK
Tougher measures to prevent extremists entering the UK are to be announced by Home Secretary Jacqui 'Stabvest' Smith as soon as they can dust the cobwebs off some semi-comatose senior civil service Mandarin and get him to cough up a few novel ideas t...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus seeks Tits advice from friend Dolly Parton
Miley Cyrus has been visiting country legend Dolly Parton's house to get advice on making her tits more comfortable. Miley - an avid breeder of birds, mostly tits - inherited an aviary from her great-great grandmother's estate and has spent all he...
Read full storyRoss: "I'm Sowwy!"
Following an exclusive telephone call to the offices of Spoof newspaper, Jonathon Ross has today issued the following statement in response to the Public outcry over his recent radio show with Russel Brand. "I would like to offer my sincerwist wegwets for any offence caused by Wussell Bwand and myself towards Mr Andwoo Sachs". He went on, "I have been a fan of Andwoo for many years, and have fo...
Read full storyThe Left sues the Right for invoking the word Nazi in an anti-Obama letter and e-mail campaign to Jewish voters
Allen Town, Pennsylvania - For the first time ever, the Right has invoked the word Nazi against the Left. The new salvo begun with an anti-Obama letter and e-mail campaign targeting Jewish-American voters which attempts to discredit Obama in that com...
Read full storyPollwatching
The Clerk doesn't seem to care for my presence inside the early voting site. I'm a certified pollwatcher, a volunteer for Barack Obama, there to ensure every vote is counted. I assume her focus is serving the hundreds of would-be voters that have been waiting on line for hours, many of them outside, under a hot sun. It's 2:00 PM and the temperature is in the 90's, with high humidity. Paramedics...
Read full storyMSNBC Announces First Virtual Interview of Obama Interviewing Himself!
Beverly Hills, Ca/ Hollywood Daily - Making good on his recent proclamation to only interview himself on national TV, Barack Hussein Obama II, with help from his friends in Hollywood has pulled off the impossible....side by side interviews with HIMSELF! Displaying all the adoration that the usual Hollywood A-List can muster, Obama proudly left his footprints in newly poured cement in an entire...
Read full storyObama New Media Policy: Only He Can Interview Himself!
Chicago, Il. /AP - Barack Hussein Obama II (ed. note. we think it's him) , set back journalism a century today with his new media policy just a week short of the Presidential election. Following a contentious interview with a Northwestern University Journalism student Obama handlers declared the candidate "off limits" to anyone but himself for on air interviews. Northwestern University,located...
Read full storyJonathan Ross To Marry Himself
Jonathan Ross, the disgraced BBC film cwitic, radio and TV presenter, has announced that he is to separate from his wife, and marry Himself instead. Ross - who has been involved in a disgusting, disgraceful and despicable episode of events alongsi...
Read full storySarah the Thriller
You just can't make this stuff up. Well, I'll try to envision what really happened there, how Neiman Marcus made Sarah Palin an action heroine. This is not about how Sarah traded a strong moral fiber for ultra expensive threads. Others have already covered that territory. I think it all began when a Walmart tag stuck out of the neck of Sarah's ill fitting striped jacket. Poor Cindy McCain...
Read full storyA Poetic Tribute to the US Economic Crisis
A trio of poems paying tribute to the top notch job our government is doing. Our Fearless Leader Bush Our fearless leader Bush with brains much like mush let sons of a bitches play with our riches and then when they failed their necks he bailed when he should have kicked their damned tushes. The Ship It Does Sink Captain McCain he did shudder as he shouldered the rudder and ye...
Read full storyPutin's farces blast UFO mothership over Iceland, create nuclear winter conditions in UK
London - (Frozen Ass Mess): London Meterological Office scientists have been gagged by a MoD D-Notice about the impact of an icy blast sweeping across the UK following the annihilation of a UFO mothership by Russian Air Farce (sic) fighter bombers so...
Read full story'Star of Bethlehem' was Jumbo Jet
It was revealed yesterday that what for 2000 years was thought to be the 'Star of Bethlehem ' was in fact British Airways Flight BA0119 Heathrow to Bangalore. The jumbo jet leaves London Heathrow at 13.50 on December 24th and passes over Bethlehem...
Read full storyTaliban Will Lend Wall Street $1.7 Trillion
Islamisbad, Pakistan (IPP) - Taliban spokeman Itzkool Abdul announced today that the Taliban will be lending Wall Street $1.7 trillion dollars. Abdul told reporters that the seven year conflict with the United States had been good for business an...
Read full storyRestaurant closed after dead deer found in kitchen
Deerburger, N.Y. - Health officials raided the CHINA KINK restaurant after patrons reported hearing strange noises from the kitchen, especially deer horns followed by loud crashing around, baying dogs, then rifle shots, and finally cheering. Hea...
Read full storyHubble Space Telescope Discovers Giant Cockroaches
Houston TX-- NASA today released very depressing classified information from the Hubble Space Telescope (HST). Outer Space is infested with gigantic cockroaches. The roaches are 'hundreds of miles long' and swarm just outside Mars orbit. The HST h...
Read full storySarcasm is the lowest form of wit
On being told recently that "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit", I decided that it was time to do some investigative journalism, and find out whether or not this is true. After visiting at least two humour sites, I have discovered that it is indeed true; but more than that, I can now definitively list the forms of wit in order. I have discounted "drama", whilst it is lower on the humour stakes...
Read full storyPalin to shave Beaver on TV
Boston, Ma. In a desperate bid for crucial votes and in commercial conjunction with Gillette Razor's new product line, vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin has agreed to shave the beaver on national television. Gillette's personal toiletry prod...
Read full storyBBC Sachs Russell Brand & Jonathan Ross
London, England - The BBC has sacked top-paid presenters Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross following overwhelming public complaints against the pair for recent on-air inappropriate behaviour. Pranksters Brand and Ross had made controversial on-air p...
Read full storyBrandy and Woss to Stand Trial at the Hague and Fight 'Telephone Prank' Death Sentence Calls!
Unfunny junkie Russell Brandy and complete tw*t Jonathan Woss will stand trial at The Hague for the Radio 2 prank calls they made to Faulty Towers extra Andrew Suchs. With the announcement by the Beeb this morning that they had referred the case t...
Read full story"Russell Brand is talentless, diseased 'scum' says filthy whore"
The unfunny, overpaid, walking piece of frozen urine Russell Brand has been 'branded a giant petri dish' by a drunken street-walker. 'He gave me gonorrhea says doxy' Commom 'harlot' Sharon Macall stated "While I have never met the repulsively...
Read full storySam Allardyce To Make Reebok Return
Sam Allardyce, the brilliantest Bolton Wanderers manager in recent history, is set for a shock return to the Reebok Stadium, after supporters besieged the club's website calling for the immediate sacking of ginger-haired failure, Gary Megson. Megs...
Read full storyJeremy Clarkson Tells Drivers "Get To Swindon!"
That wanker, Jeremy Clarkson, is at it again! The Top Gear host has reacted to the news that Swindon Council are to remove Speed Cameras on the town's roads by advising members of his viewing audience to: "Get down to Wiltshire! The cameras are down!...
Read full storyIranian President confirmed as very sick but not the least bit ill
The President of Iran, Mahmoud Have-a-no-dinnajacket, has today squashed all rumours that he is in any way the least bit ill and confirmed that he is actually very sick instead. A spokesman for the President, Ali Oopsadaisy has instructed the medi...
Read full storyIcelanders to British: Vikings are not Terrorists
REYKJAVIK - Relations between Iceland and Britain have chilled as British Prime Minister Gordon Brown and Chancellor Alistair Darling are accused of abusing anti-terror laws to "freeze the asses" of Icelandic refrigerators in Britain. Iceland's...
Read full storyMan U Rooney Kissed a Badger!
Tempers ran hot and heavy as Man U Wayne Rooney once an Everton fave found himself imbroglio with Mikel Arteta. Sir Alex Ferguson pulled near looney Rooney from the playing field but could not prevent the subsequent badger kissing incident that has s...
Read full storyStudy Shows the Drunken, Suicidal Manuel of FT Fame Was Less Retarded than Ross and Brand Combined!
British Comic Actor Andrew Sachs who entertained millions with his sympathetic portrayal of Faulty Towers' Manuel the Mexican Drunk Suicidal Chef agreed to have his intelligence tested while in his old character. The same study included IQ exams of s...
Read full storyThe Arizona Cardinals Endorse Barack Obama
GERONIMO, Arizona - Senator Barack Obama has just been endorsed by the NFL Arizona Cardinals. Last week Obama received the endorsement of General Colin Powell, who served as secretary of state under President George Bush. Obama was also endorsed...
Read full storyAlan Keyes Wants Role of Cop if Obama Appoints "Village People Cabinet"
Conservative Alan Keyes approached Barack Obama and openly requested appointment to the role of "the Cop" when the future president finally appoints a Village People-style Cabinet in January. "Because you don't mess with the PO-lice," expressed Ke...
Read full storyVery attractive Neo-Con George Will Opposes Mandatory Car Insurance, Traffic Regulations and Prohibition of Animal sex Partners!
When handsome Neo-Conservative columnist George Will endorsed the right of Americans to refuse health insurance and foist their emergency room and catastrophic healthcare costs on their neighbors, observers applied his advocacy to other areas of the...
Read full storyAmad...Ahmed..inebad...inejob Suffers from Stress
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced to the world today that he is feeling stressed out! Could it be the US drones who follow him everywhere including the bathroom threatening to blow his ass up? Or perhaps it is the fact that Irania...
Read full storyCanadian Kayaker van Koeverden was Poisoned at Beijing Olympics
Lab results reveal that Canadian kayak specialist Adam van Koeverden, who was heavily-favored to sweep his events at the 2008 Summer Olympic Games in Beijing, was actually a victim of poisoning. Following a disappointing eighth-place finish in the...
Read full storyUS Attacks on Syria Designed to Make Iraq Jealous
As the accord that allows the US to continue making war on Iraq dangerously approaches its expiration date, the Bush administration has attempted a new strategy or is it a tactic? Based on the Stockholm syndrome a theory that abused hostages become d...
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