Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 28 October 2008

image for Jonathan Ross To Marry Himself
With this ring, I me wed

Jonathan Ross, the disgraced BBC film cwitic, radio and TV presenter, has announced that he is to separate from his wife, and marry Himself instead.

Ross - who has been involved in a disgusting, disgraceful and despicable episode of events alongside braindead 'comedian', Russell Brand, where the pair insulted Fawlty Towers waiter Manuel played by Andrew Sachs - has decided that, after 20 years of marriage, he loves nobody as much as he loves Himself.

Ricky Gervais, a close friend of Ross, or at least, someone who hasn't yet expressed a strong desire to kill him, said:

"JR loves himself soooo much! Whenever I've been on his show, he always stands in front of the mirror before he goes on, and tells himself how beautiful he is, which is a bit of a surprise, because he's an ugly, lanky twat!"

Ross started his career on Channel 4 in The Last Resort, work he is highly-respected for, but since his move to the BBC, he has been the complete opposite, and has been criticised by guests on his Friday night show. and Beeb executives say this latest incident is the last resort.

Many say he interviews himself, instead of listening to their experiences and views, and regards the show as a means towards further success, rather than a form of entertainment for the watching public.

According to sources at the BBC, Ross won't bother to divorce his wife, for, despite the fact that British law requires a person to do so before he or she is able to remarry, Ross considers himself above the law, and able to do just however he wishes.

The marriage of Ross to himself has been pencilled-in for 22 November, as the gangling tosser is likely to have been sacked by the BBC by then, and will have nothing to do on that particular Saturday.

Gervais said:

"He really is 'right' for himself! It's a marriage made in heaven!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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