Conservative Alan Keyes approached Barack Obama and openly requested appointment to the role of "the Cop" when the future president finally appoints a Village People-style Cabinet in January.
"Because you don't mess with the PO-lice," expressed Keyes -- on why he wants that job and no other. "Moreover, in God's eyes all of the other Village People were queerer than a three-dollar-bill."
While technically a candidate for President as America's Independent Party figurehead, Keyes realizes that he stands little chance of winning the office.
"I'll settle for the Cabinet instead," he acknowledged. "Bring us all together: Nader, Barr, Hillary, McKinney, Ron Paul. Just give me the badge and the gun."