Jonathan Ross Sacked Over Bestiality Allegations

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 28 October 2008


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Lisping fuckwit Jonathan Woss laughing at his own jokes

BBC film cwitic, Jonathan Ross, has been sacked after he was arrested by police on charges of Bestiality.

Ross was appearing as a guest on the Russell Brand BBC Radio 2 show on October 18, when the host telephoned ex-Fawlty Towers actor Andrew Sachs, and made lewd comments about his granddaughter live on air.

Ross got very excited, giggled and swore, and eventually became so frantic, that he confessed to having had sex with some of his own menagerie of pets.

He said:

"I've fucked my chinchilla!"

Brand then claimed to have bummed his own father before the programme's producers shut down the show, and the airwaves went silent.

Thousands of callers rang the BBC to say how "supremely funny" they thought Ross and Brand were, and to congratulate them on their own particular brands of 'humour'.

BBC bosses, however, took a different, and dimmer, view of the incident, sacking Ross from his £6million-a-year job, which includes Film 2008, his radio show, and the Friday Night With Jonathan Ross talk show, which is, essentially, one hour full of Ross talking about his ridiculously unlikely sexual fantasies with various celebrities who, likely as not, wouldn't go near him with an extended bargepole.

Ross is extremely popular with the tired and pissed-up Friday night audience, although some have said that he regularly laughs at his own jokes, and interviews himself instead of his guests, who have included Ricky Gervais, Madonna, Morrissey, and a whole host of others who have vowed never to work again with the lanky chump.

He later denied any suggestion that he had had sex with any of his pets - though he confessed to having had nights out that ended with 'encounters with animals' - and put his outburst down to "childish exuberance", claiming Brand had egged him on.

One BBC caller, a Mr Andrew Sax, said:

"I hope he commits suicide!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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