Victoria Beckham To Sue Peterborough United Over Nickname
Victoria Beckham, the wife of that footballer, is to take legal action against Peterborough United Football Club over their nickname, it has been reported. Beckham, who used to be known as Posh Spice when she was a member of all-girl band the Spic...
Read full storyMcCain ends campaign, backs Obama!
Colorado - John McCain today announced his decision to end his campaign and throw his support behind Barack Obama (D-IL). "After a tireless campaign, I can no longer deny the media and the pollsters. I have no chance to win this thing, therefor...
Read full storyHarlem Voters Dream Ticket: Obama-Palin
Field reporters from the Howard Stern show discovered strong support for McCain's policies and VP choice in Harlem. To the surprise of many, it appears Obama supporters there, have mixed views on these basic GOP issues. Interviewing 'voters on the...
Read full storyChavez Makes Plans To Attend Obama Inaugaration! Dos Amigos!
Washington DC/Caracas Vz The Daily Worker - A jubilant Hugo Chavez, Narco-Dictator of the oil rich banana republic of Venezuela, announced today he would attending the inauguration of his Comrade in Arms, Barack Hussein Obama II. "We are brother...
Read full storyViet Cong Endorse John McCain
Da Nang (IPP) - The Viet Cong (VC) announced today that they are endorsing John McCain for President. It is also believed that the North Vietnamese Regular Army (NVRA) will follow suit. The announcement came during VC festivities being held at th...
Read full storyRelegation fears haunt Hull City
Despite another lucky win today, relegation fears continue to haunt Premier League newcomers Hull City. Doubts continue to dog the Northern club as they stand precariously at the top of the league. One premier league manager, Oneday (Yule) Ramus...
Read full storyKangaroo Springs Into Action
A would be robber had his plans thwarted when a plucky boxing kangaroo sprang into action yesterday. The robber threatened cashiers at Crackers Brothers Circus and Freak Show in Morecambe, Lancashire, with a crossbow, telling them to put the day'...
Read full storyObituary
Lucas Post, not really renowned for anything meaningful passed away in turmoil yesterday at St Boniface's Home For The Seriously Delusional, Crankshaft, Fla. Post, a would-be inventor lived his life in pursuit of his dream, an ejector seat for helicopters. Despite the weight of common sense and the danger of overhead rotors spinning so fast that they would liquidize any potential ejectee, Post...
Read full storyJapan Noodles Scare As New Flavour Bombs
There was major concern in Japan today over two of the country's biggest food-producing organisations, when figures revealed that the Japanese public did not like their new Insecticide Flavour Noodles. The two companies involved, Nissin and Myojo,...
Read full storyMartial Law Declared In Alabama
OAKIE, AL - UPDATE 2 - The Governor of Alabama today declared martial law. According to the Governor, I'm not allowed to talk about it. However, I'm risking a free trip to Africa to give you this scoop. It seems the Governor's eyesight is fail...
Read full storyHull City Level On Points With Chelsea, Liverpool
Hull City moved level on points with Premier League leaders Chelsea and Liverpool after a thrilling win over Black Country idiots West Bromwich Albion this afternoon. Albion played out of their skins in the first half, and pinned Hull back, but af...
Read full storyElephant Forgets - Lion Can't Be Arsed
Consternation today at the London zoo when Zorba the Greek elephant appeared to have forgotten where his enclosure was, after working hard all day picking up logs with his powerful trunk. It seems that a befuddled Zorba lost all sense of direction...
Read full storyPirates Attack Mersey Ferry
Dramatic events today on the river Mersey as a passenger ferry was tracked down and boarded by pirates. Reports tell of how a small craft, piloted by cutthroats and brigands cut off and managed to board the ferry in order to rob passengers. Pol...
Read full storyHawaii Shocker! Obama's Momma Had Identical Triplets! Where 'Dey?
Honolulu,Hawaii/ Mercy Hospital Archives - With less than 2 weeks to the Presidential Election, documents found in a musty corner of the local hospital purport that Ann Dunham, one of Barack Hussein Obama Sr.'s , wives, gave birth to triplets, named...
Read full storySarah Palin Will Become President of Alaska
Fairbanks, AK- Presidential polls indicate that Senator Barack Obama will cruise to victory over Senator John McCain this November. John McCain, though, saw that this was coming and took immediate action. He wrote into a recent Senate bill that gave...
Read full storyHonorary Knighthood for Bruno Tonioli Betrays Queen's Secret Addiction to "Strictly Come Dancing"
The British Honours system was mired in scandal last night when it emerged the Queen bases her recommendation for titles on frivolous credentials and "personal whimsy". A leaked memo from Buckingham Palace revealed the shortlist for the 2009 New Y...
Read full storyObama Does Not Regret 'Spread the Wealth' Comment
Excerpt from his latest speech: "I have a plan to spread the wealth. Wealth - well, it's like peanut butter. And after the last eight years, of the Bush administration, and McCain will give us more of the same, of the Bush administration, because he's just the same, you never see the both of them, in the same place at the same time, do you? Nope. And … where was I? Oh, yeah...
Read full storyHam Radio in Every Pot McCain Promises
Seattle, Washington (IPP) - Senator McCain made a stop yesterday at the nation's largest annual Ham Radio gathering in Seattle, Washington. He promised every ham radio operator at the world famous Hamfest a free radio in 2009 if he is elected. Up...
Read full storyBin Laden Captured
Islamisbad, Pakistan (IPP) - The news of Osama Bin Laden's capture has been verified and Fox news aired an exclusive report on the subject just minutes ago. Osama's car has been confiscated and observers report that it had a four year old "W" bump...
Read full storyMass Annihilation of Wild Dingbat Pupils
Ninety percent of a graduating class at the exclusive St. Sodom the Dingbat boys school at Wallamaroo, Australia, have been wiped out in a retaliatory SWAT policing action while participating in a series of end of term 'burn and pillage' hi-jinx pran...
Read full storyOctober Surprise is Bin Laden!
Islamisbad, Pakistan (IPP) - Word has reached the world via ham radio that Osama Bin Laden has been captured. Bin Laden was captured while he was operating a small liquor store in the Pachyderm Mountains just inside the border. The area is very r...
Read full storyTory tosser George Osborne is Earl of Snowdon's son
London - (Turncoat Ass Mess): In a terrible week for Hellfire Club cold war secrets Tory shadow chancer (sic) - sick? - George Osborne has been outed as the bastard son of the Earl of Snowdon, ex-husband of Princess Margaret and lifelong KGB spy in t...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus dumps on Zak Efron's cock while he's away camping
Pop-tart Miley Cyrus couldn't resist the urge to empty her bowels onto the head of High School Musical 'hotty' Zac Efron's pet cockerel while minding his house for the weekend. Efron was away on a camping trip with some muscular, tanned male 'budd...
Read full storyMan catches penis in zipper
A shocking tale of human suffering emerged today as it was disclosed that an un-named man managed to catch his wee-willy-winky in the zipper of his denim trousers. "When I first heard it I thought it was a fabrication, a horrible, sick lie", said...
Read full storyBacteria Attack Executives
FORT KMOCKS, KY - UDDATE 1 - Scientists discovered bacteria that are solely attacking executives of large corporations. Strangely, these bacteria select those who have already quit their job, who worked for companies which have lead to losing bi...
Read full storyRotherham Man Boils an Egg
It has been reported that a Rotherham man, no doubt inspired by celebrity chef, Jamie Oliver, has astounded all his friends down't pit by successfully boiling an egg. The egg, although a bit runny, was eaten by his very proud wife, Nora who said,...
Read full storyBritish Government Targets Motorists With ANOTHER Tax!
A revolutionary new form of car tax is to be introduced by the British Government which, it hopes, will not only help to cut carbon emissions, but also cease claims from the motoring lobby that car users are being unfairly targeted by Government depa...
Read full storyRoman Abramovich Interested In Buying Gunners
In the most unlikely piece of footballing business news yet, Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich has been involved in a mix-up in which he travelled to an auction in Germany under the illusion he was about to buy the Blues' North London rivals, Arsenal.
Read full storyTeen Queen, Brenda Song, and Jonas Brother, Joe Jonas, Hate Each Other!
Tween-dream sensations Brenda Song and her rumored boyfriend Joe Jonas, are currently fighting in the latest feud (the first being Miley VS Selena, the second is the new Demi VS Debby). A couple of rumors surfaced the internet this year stating t...
Read full storyIt's Official: The UK is Shrinking - Even the Pint Ain't What She Used to Be!
People expected the British pound to lose a few ounces. The housing market surprised no one with its nose dive making used refrigerator corrugated boxes on High Street almost affordable for a family of four. But no one took the shrinkage literally.
Read full storyWorld Wrestling Association Enlisted by England to Prepare for Aussie Rugby
Rugby has always been known as a full contact sport in England and elsewhere. But the wrestling tackle moves introduced down under have dragged the sport to a new time low according to some Rugby purists. There have been complaints about the Aus...
Read full storyAlan Keyes Endorses Senator Barack Obama for President
After General Colin Powell, a prominent conservative political figure, nominated Barack Obama for the presidency of the United States of America, something came over America's Independent Party nominee Alan Keyes. Though Keyes ran against Barack Obam...
Read full storyMcCain Campaign Shows Obama Lapel Pin is a Hammer and Sickle!
A new McCain campaign attack ad shows Barack Obama giving a speech to a screaming crowd on a vast tundra. The camera pans the crowd and the Democrat candidate but then seems to search for a lone figure off in the distance across a bay. The came...
Read full storyBye Bye, Arrivederci, and Adios Redskins
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Earlier this year the United States senate overwhelmingly approved The Zuccarelli-Powdermaker Be Nice To Indians Bill which mandates that every professional sports team that currently uses a Native-American mascot name must change...
Read full storyBritish Cartoon Cult Star Bagpuss to Play Sarah Palin in Wildly Animated Biography!
Female cartoon characters lined up outside Disney Studios to screen test for the role of Sarah Palin in the new animated bio of the Alaskan Governor and VP Repub candie. I talked first to Minnie Mouse who shyly expressed her interest in the rol...
Read full storyBritish Hunt for Olympic Mascot Trees Lord Frederick Fox!
The London Olympics of 2012 had been in a desperate search for a mascot that could connect British tradition and contemporary innovation. They wanted an athletic symbol with some advertising cache'. UKOC, the United Kingdom Olympic Committee, announc...
Read full storyBoris Johnson to Flat Pack Olympic Village
London - Boris Johnson is starting to roll out how he plans to deliver the London Olympics under budget. "The first step will be the Olympic Village. We plan on avoiding cost over-runs due to a projected labour shortage by designing the Village u...
Read full storyMadonna changes name to Mileydonna
Pops most famous gynecological model, Madonna, who is suffering a major decline in her web presence, has announced she will now be known as 'Mileydonna'. The move is designed to create some on-line search presence and was decided upon when her la...
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