Written by Rusty

Saturday, 25 October 2008


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image for Mass Annihilation of Wild Dingbat Pupils
Dingbat Students run Amok : Millions feared Dead

Ninety percent of a graduating class at the exclusive St. Sodom the Dingbat boys school at Wallamaroo, Australia, have been wiped out in a retaliatory SWAT policing action while participating in a series of end of term 'burn and pillage' hi-jinx pranks around the sedate country town.

Up to 220 of 250 Year Twelve students at the St. Sodom the Dingbat Academy for Boys and Bruces were allegedly killed by the SWAT team, with the remaining 30 pupils suffering gunshot and shrapnel wounds plus severe burns when the SWAT team's gunships strafed the campus with M134 Gatling fire and napalmed the school's pole dancing club.

The trouble began at lunchtime on Monday with the start of the graduating Year Twelve student's "muck-up day", an unofficial tradition of taking part in end-of-term pranks and other activities.

What, in years past, has been a relatively quiet affair, with a few fireworks thrown and the odd debagging or vomiting incident after a spot too much absinthe, this year's muck-up day quickly evolved into a Viking-style rampage from the college gates into the centre of Wallamaroo.
There the police station was levelled with satchel charges and the local supermarket gutted of every available alcoholic beverage, with the shift manager crucified against the DIY counter.

The packs of marauding students were led by Trev' Anaconda, eldest ranga son of feared Melbourne drug baron Bluey Anaconda, who is currently serving nine consecutive life sentences for biting the heads off DEA officers and being an all round nasty twat.

The students, aged 17 and 18, kicked off on the school campus with a crack coke and fermented kangaroo piss chasers session then took umbrage with the Dean of College when he tried to intervene and reproached their bawdy behaviour as unbecoming after they stripped to their birthday suits and daubed themselves with fresh blood siphoned off the school's platypus mascot, Blinkie.

After the Dean had been hung, drawn and quartered, and his intestines stretched out and fed to the school's dingo pack, the students looted the school armoury of it's automatic weapons arsenal and proceeded into Wallamaroo, petrol-bombing the newly-renovated Balaclava Heights railway station as they passed.

The students' behaviour was described by SWAT team leader Bruce Pigsticker as wholly unacceptable for an end-of-term display of antics and pranks.

"I blame it all on these Playstation and X-Box games. Too much gratuitous violence available in the home environment for youngsters in my opinion.

"They need to see the results of their aggressive fantasies up close and personal like I did when I was a young copper. Three years in the vice squad as a tunnel rat in Sydney, now that was an eye-opener. We had a set quota to bring in the bollocks of at least ten Greek and Maltese pimps and drug dealers a week. Now that was character-building".

The end of term exams, due to begin next week for the Year Twelve students, (who are reputed to pay lots and lots of money in fees annually to attend the Roman Catholic asylum) have been cancelled owing to a lack of live pupils.

The funerals will take place on Tuesday, with the dead students being interred in a mass grave currently being excavated behind the charred remains of the cricket pavilion. Friends and relatives only. No flowers.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Death, School, Murder, Killing

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