It's Official: The UK is Shrinking - Even the Pint Ain't What She Used to Be!

Written by Pointer

Saturday, 25 October 2008

image for It's Official: The UK is Shrinking - Even the Pint Ain't What She Used to Be!
The new sign language sign for the United Kingdom

People expected the British pound to lose a few ounces. The housing market surprised no one with its nose dive making used refrigerator corrugated boxes on High Street almost affordable for a family of four. But no one took the shrinkage literally.

But that is what certainly appears to be happening according to the British Geologic Survey. Blame global warming or infamous British frugality but John Bull's Island is smaller than it was last year!

BGS surveyor, Jonny Swift tells the tale of the tape measure: "The White Cliffs of Dover will soon be known as the Pale Knolls by the sea. Swimming the English Channel is now a greater feat and even Big Ben may have to be referred to as a rather large pocket watch for a very, very big person. Even the pint is now available in the half or three quarter pint!"

Apothecaries across the UK are reporting that magnum sized condoms are collecting dust on the pharmacy shelves and the extra large french tickler is no longer the big seller it used to be. Women's undergarment clothier say that the 42 triple D will be discontinued except in certain immigrant sections of London.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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