OAKIE, AL - UPDATE 2 - The Governor of Alabama today declared martial law.
According to the Governor, I'm not allowed to talk about it. However, I'm risking a free trip to Africa to give you this scoop.
It seems the Governor's eyesight is failing, and he has been bumping into people at night. He was told to give up the aspartame, but refused. As a favor to the Governor he asked everyone to wear bright clothing.
People just laughed at the Governor. Then, he realized, "Hey, we are in a swine flu panic. I can declare martial law, just as the President is going to."
The Governor did. He is only making one request based on his new powers. Wear white clothing. In fact, a white uniform is available on request, upon a small donation.
People found walking about without the new uniform will be dealt with summarily. They will be water-boarded with aspartame water!