Written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 25 October 2008

image for Roman Abramovich Interested In Buying Gunners

In the most unlikely piece of footballing business news yet, Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich has been involved in a mix-up in which he travelled to an auction in Germany under the illusion he was about to buy the Blues' North London rivals, Arsenal.

Abramovich spilled this bizarre nugget of information during a conversation he was having at the auction to sell the trinkets of former East German leader Erich Honecker in the German city of Erfurt.

The Russian confessed:

"I am interested in buying gunners."

Available at the auction were some weapons once owned by Mr Honecker, including a Walther pistol that was allegedly used by Erich Mielke - a notorious Stasi police chief - to cold-bloodedly murder two policemen in 1931.

Abramovich had thought the auction programme notes on the Walther referred to Theo Walcott.

Honecker was a fanatical leader who ruled the German Democratic Republic (GDR) from 1971 to 1989. He was also a fanatical hunter who enjoyed entertaining communist leaders by taking them on long hunting trips with big guns.

Once the error had been explained to Mr Abramovich - also a fanatical leader - he looked somewhat dazed, but bought the guns anyway, before having them packed up and sent to his home in Russia.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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