Written by Judge Retort

Saturday, 25 October 2008

image for Obama Does Not Regret 'Spread the Wealth' Comment
Obama unveils model of new Whitehouse, renamed Diversityhouse -- all in the spirit of: Share the Wealth

Excerpt from his latest speech:

"I have a plan to spread the wealth. Wealth - well, it's like peanut butter.
And after the last eight years,
of the Bush administration,
and McCain will give us more of the same,
of the Bush administration,
because he's just the same,
you never see the both of them,
in the same place at the same time,
do you?
And … where was I? Oh, yeah. And after the last eight years,
American wealth is like the peanut butter on a nice big slice of bread;
white bread,
white-only bread,
and the bread is the economy,
and all peanut butter is in one place,
on the bread,
which is the economy,
with a lot of peanut butter,
all in one place - one corner,
on the bread,
all the wealth in one place on the economy,
all the peanut butter…
[Michelle steps forward and slaps him upside the head, albeit lovingly, though still painfully, as evidenced by the sudden tears in his eyes, which he plays for dramatic effect]
"And notice: it's white bread.
[Michelle nods sagely]
But I'll get to that.
When wealth is all in one place,
you got to spread it around.
Now, after you spread it around,
it's going to thin out.
Your portion will thin out.
But it's ok. Everyone's portion will thin out under my plan,
because we'll all be sharing the wealth.
So, there's two things we can do:
Add more peanut butter.
Or use a smaller piece of bread.
Or both.
And everyone will feel like they have more peanut butter…I mean, wealth!
…Stop it, Michelle! I'll get to the brown bread!...

"Now, over the previous eight years,
all the wealth has stood out,
because it's brown on top of the background of white-only bread.
And all the peanut butter was piled up in one corner.
Let's call that the Wall Street corner.
With me in the office,
I'll make sure the bread is half white and half brown.
You know, like that stuff you get at Safeway.
I shop at Safeway.
…Ouch! Michelle, goddammit!
Okay. But at least I sometimes push the cart.
And, I always buy my smokes at Safeway.

"What's that? What's that??"
[handlers tug at his sleeves]
Okay, I have to go soon. The BEATLES are getting back together and they've asked me to play the parts of John and George. Michelle will play Yoko. And I need to practice.
But, real quick: I'm going to reach out to the rest of the world. And they're going to be that second slice of bread - brown and white, of course - that comes down and covers up American wealth,
making a nice One World Hors d'oeuvre.
And jam! That represents credit. It'll be smothered in that!
…See, Michelle?! I did learn something useful at Harvard!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Barack Obama

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