Palin Mixes Musical Metaphors - Calls Scat 'Crap' at Black Musical Heritage Awards
Heebie Jeebies, Mississippi - In a brave attempt to woo Black voters away from Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama, Sarah Palin agreed to appear at the prestigious Black Musical Heritage Awards show. Fresh from her recent appearanc...
Read full storyNancy Grace Unleashes Her Head
Earlier today while preparing for her nightly show on CNN and apparently during discussion with Larry Kobilinkski about the forensic evidence in the Casey Anthony case, Nancy Grace's head spun around and flew across the room. Narrowly missing an int...
Read full storyCats Abducted In West Midlands Town
Stourbridge in the West Midlands is shrouded in mystery tonight, after it emerged that many of the town's cats had gone missing over the last two months. Forty-five cats have disappeared from the town's streets, all in mysterious circumstances, an...
Read full storyLocal Man Accused Of Using Cell Phone While Shitting
Local man caves to mounting testimony from friends and admits he has used his cell phone while shitting but maintains it was only for texting and never while talking. Jeff Blake found himself cornered in the last seat of the bar with some of his...
Read full storyTaliban confirm order for 100 black London taxis
Lontax, the London black taxi manufacturer with the name loathed by the Chancellor because he didn't think to register it himself as a stealth tax for Londoners, has today confirmed the sale of 100 of their taxis to the Taliban in Afghanistan. A s...
Read full storyHull City's Geovanni To Become Naturalised Englishman In Time For Next World Cup Qualifier
Geovanni, Hull City's brilliant free-scoring Brazilian, is to become English, according to a report on a bus. The player, real name Geovanni Deiberson Maurício, has only made one appearance for Brazil, and that came way back in 2001 in a 1-0 home...
Read full storyArthur Pewty Missing - World Holds Breath
Dramatic developments from Norman Wisdom Tower Village Neasden. Arthur Pewty, legendary Neasden crime kingpin and reputed murderer (but he only ever killed the bad uns) has not been sighted for two days. Confusion reigned among the assembled press...
Read full storyTory snitch in bullet-proof vest fit-up
London - (Toxic Ass Mess): Former Bullingdon Club tosser and Tory Party snitch Nathan Rothschild was seen in Saville Row's armored tailoring division today getting fitted up for a bullet-proof vest and matching codpiece. Rothschild, 39, recently b...
Read full storyMen Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.
Except...Since my business went titsup the missus has returned to work and I'm looking after the kids an the house whilst I sort a few things out. The thing is, I'm turning into her and she's turning into me. All of a sudden I've stopped watching re-runs of the Champions League and started watching Loose Women, and worst still I find myself agreeing with everything they say. The other nig...
Read full storyHeavy Rain In Manchester - Not Much Happens
It was raining in Manchester today, quite heavily. People were spotted using umbrellas, jumping puddles, huddling in doorways, and waiting impatiently for buses, trams, and trains. One man was spotted hustling a posse of children into a branch...
Read full storyBritish Prime Minister Has Idea
LONDON. In a startling press conference today British Prime Minister Gordon McScottish announced plans to force UK tea drinkers to re-use tea bags in a bid to realign the UK's balance of payments index (etc and tosh and nonsense). The plans are de...
Read full storyPoll: McCain heavily favored by elderly men wearing shorts with dark socks
NEW YORK, NY (Friggemall Wire Services) -- The latest poll shows Republican Presidential nominee John McCain with a huge lead over Democratic rival Barack Obama in the octogenarian males wearing shorts with tall, dark-colored socks demographic. "M...
Read full storyNeighbour From Hell, Try HRH The Queen
HRH The Queen was today nominated as the ultimate neighbour from hell by Mr Sydney Operabridge, a 27 year old Australian homeless alcoholic with substance abuse issues. Mr Operabridge, who regularly dosses out in a puddle of his own piss in the vi...
Read full storyJoe The Plumber Disappointed At "15 Minutes" Of Fame
Joe the plumber has voiced his disappointment at what has turned out to be his "15 minutes of fame" to a local radio station in his hometown. "Yeah, I was hoping for something more exciting," said Joe from his home. Joe's "15 minutes" came as h...
Read full storyEnglish Football rocked by betting scandal
English football has been rocked by yet another betting scandal. Following the recent investigation into the Derby County and Norwich game, officials have been forced to look at more irregular betting patterns. It seems that a certain gambler,...
Read full storyMan Runs Amok With Toy Gun In Swindon - Nobody Hurt
Shoppers in Swindon looked on in amazement yesterday afternoon as a man brandishing a toy gun ran through the city centre bobbing and weaving, taking cover behind litter bins, and firing off imaginary bullets at imaginary targets. The man sparked...
Read full storyFour Men Arrested At Kinky Cake Party
Four men were arrested last night in the most extraordinary circumstances in Ealing, west London. Apparently the men were enjoying a private party when the police raid was initiated, despite no complaint being made. A door was broken down and s...
Read full storyMonkey Woods' Acronym game tops Christmas Gift List
TheSpoof.com writer Monkey Woods is not the sort of person you'd associate with children, fun, love, enjoyment and Christmas but surprisingly the racist bastard has topped Santa's gift list this year with a board game he designed. "I am amazed", s...
Read full storySiberian Tigers Targeted In 'Meat Is Murder' Campaign
A senior animal rights activist today alleged that Siberian tigers were little more than wild animals when it came to dietary options. Seymour Bottomley insisted that Siberian tigers have a choice when it comes to dietetics and that in most cases...
Read full storySupermarket chain unveils new delivery service for the sick
The Bestco supermarket chain, best known for it's huge retail outlets erected on every available space and school football field, has decided to extend its home delivery service to the sick and dying. Explaining its thinking, the director of opera...
Read full storyMan Eats Fish, Fish Eats Man, Equilibrium Restored
Today in Brighton a 36 year old man ate a fish. It is assumed that the fish was purchased along with a portion of chips from a takeaway on the seafront. The unfortunate fish was presumed by experts to have been a cod, gutted, topped, tailed, and d...
Read full storyLondon 2012 Might Not Happen
In a statement issued today, Boris Gruesome, London Mayor, admitted that the 2012 Olympic Games might not actually happen, or at least not in London. Mayor Gruesome admitted that with spiralling costs and the banking system in turmoil, the project...
Read full storyUS and UK to Disband Military Forces
In a shock and awe statement to the press this morning President Brush, accompanied at the podium by UK Sub-Prime Minister Gordon Brown, declared that the two countries had mutually agreed to disband their respective military forces forthwith. Cit...
Read full storyBizarre Weather Anomaly Will Kill All Vegetation On East Coast
State College PA-- Akkuweather meteorologists issued a stunning, urgent announcement to everyone along the East Coast today. The shocking weather bulletin indicated all vegetation will die tonight. All but the hardiest crops will die and there will...
Read full storyPat Robertson, Robert Tilton and Don Stewart Squint for God
It was the sort of lazy Sunday morning in October when most Americans were forced to put on shoes and a jacket to retrieve the morning paper from the frosted front lawn. Following the paces of an average Midwestern blue collar citizen, Hyrum Beebletutz sat in his comfortable recliner, turned on the TV and opened his paper. He flipped the channels a bit, stopping on a replay of a Pat Robertson...
Read full storyEnema Craze could sweep the Nation
Hollywood, California, an apparent new craze, that appears to have originated in fraternity hazing rituals and propagated by Hollywood 'cool' people has gripped the nation. Enema parties, that involve group enemas and mass bowel expulsions are curre...
Read full storyMcCain and Palin ('Mac & Rack') To Record A Rap CD
LOS ANGELES, California - Sony BMG Music in conjunction with Hip Hop Hip Hip Hooray Records has just announced that they have signed Senator John McCain and Governor Sarah Palin to a $5 million recording contract. McCain and Palin have already agreed to go into the recording studio on November 5, and start working on the 10-song Rap CD. MAC & RACK - UNPLUGGED, COMBED-OVER, AND CLUELESS...
Read full storyWhere The Heck Are They Now?
Faded Spotlight Magazine Presents... WHERE THE HECK ARE THEY NOW? Donald Rumsfeld - He was last seen working as a Wal-Mart greeter in Twin Falls, Idaho. And on occasion he, Dick Cheney and George Bush play at GOP picnics, GOP birthday parties, and at GOP elementary school assemblies as 'The Three Lying Minstrels.' Richard Simmons - After his last exercise DVD, entitled, "Exercising to th...
Read full storyFinancial collapse inspiring taxidermists
The recent implosion of international banking institutions has been welcomed by one section of the community: taxidermists. These denizens of animal dermatology are only too happy to advise victims of the credit squeeze to get stuffed. Recommendi...
Read full storyWorld's Richest Man Completes World Conquest
FATICAN CITY - Italy UPDATE 1 - The owner of the worlds largest estate cracked this morning. The sad account of this man's fate is revealed in this scoop. For years, Charl Scwab increased the size of his estate. Starting with a ranch in Texas, h...
Read full storyCow has Human Fetus
This ain't no bull - The Iowa woman, who just last month claimed her husband had a cure for world hunger, Francesca Delaney of Madison County, Iowa is in the news again. Francesca Delaney's best milking cow, Brittaney, is pregnant with what appar...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Really Billy Ray's Ex-Wife
Investigative reporters have uncovered birth certificate and other legal documents proving the young Disney phenom to be the ex-wife of former country music star Billy Ray Cyrus, and not his daughter. Miley, now 26, had been hiding her age in o...
Read full story'Fu*k you Shatner'
Over the hill fake space Captain James T Shatner today unleashed a torrent of abuse against his Star Truk co-star of too many years George Takeaway after the oriental sausage jockey told him to 'Stay the fu*k away' from his 'wedding' to long time bum...
Read full storySarah Palin Buys $92,000 Handbag
Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin has angered some sections of US society after it was revealed that, in the two months since August, she has spent an astronomical amount of Party money on her image upgrade - including $92,000 on a handbag and matc...
Read full storyX-Factor Judges At War Again!
Both pop insiders and fans of the ITV show "The X Factor" were said to be reeling yesterday as more revelations from the hit show concerning the fractious relationship between the programmes judges were revealed. Norwich based Girlband "Bootiful"...
Read full storyMichelle Bachman Says She Meant to Call Obama a Terrorist Not Anti-American
Today Congressman Michelle Bachman, Republican from the Sixth District in Minnesota said that during her appearance on "Hardball" her comments were taken out of context, and that "Political pundits from the Socialist Right who used my exact quotes un...
Read full storyTrick-or-Treaters Now Considered Dangerous
Edge City, PA-- Sociologists are warning of a disturbing trend this Halloween. Trick-or-treaters may not be all they seem. Many are violent and the majority have criminal records. Sociologists say it's probably better not to open the door. Dr.
Read full storyFriends and Fiends of Facebook
Not having the sense the Good Lord gave a head of lettuce, I recently signed up for a Facebook account. It was pretty cool at first, catching up with old friends and being rejected by the same old people. What's not to like about it? Plus I tried MySpace a few years ago and I just never got into it. All I ever got was solicitations for porn. And it wasn't even funny porn. I'm sorry, I know that's...
Read full storyGrowing Old Less Gracefully
No matter how old you get there is always someone older telling you how young you are. And those older people will always marvel when you say that you feel that you're getting "so old". I've been noticing that since I was about ten. But now I have at least some semblance of legitimacy to my claim. Perhaps not on the surface, but if you'll listen to my reasoning then you will undoubtedly underst...
Read full storyFriends Don't Let Friends Drive with Paranoid Passengers
Imagine you are undergoing major surgery. Not something you would typically imagine, I understand. If you're like me, and you want to let your imagination run wild you imagine yourself relaxing in a hammock on your own private island, your billions close at hand. OK, so it's time to leave the island and get some surgery. So you are undergoing major surgery and you happen to be awake while it's...
Read full storyPutin Pulls Out; Says Okey Dokey to his army's turnaround - because that's what it's all about
Russian President, Vladimir Putin, has agreed to pull his troops completely out of Georgia under increased pressure from the West. In a televised announcement, he admitted that the whole thing had been a stunt to highlight his new martial arts DVD...
Read full storyOffshore banks to ease credit crunch
After a massive influx of cash into the UK Banking system, the banks have decided that the best way to ease the credit crunch is to set up offshore banks. The chairmen and directors of the 'Big Three' (HBOS, Lloyds-TSB) have bought large ocean go...
Read full storyVirginia Divine Retribution Pharmacy, Hospice and Orphanage: Science and Religion Submerger
Virginia used to be for lovers but at the VD-RP-HO (the Virginia Divine Retribution Pharmacy, Hospice and Orphanage), lovers are left with only a Natural Family Planning gift box with fertility testing lithmus paper, a basal temp thermometer and a gu...
Read full storyPalin Sells Daughter's Baby by McCain on E-Bay!
E-bay the E-Auction block for trash and treasures had its first offer of a live unborn baby this week. A family named Palin placed an unborn child up for bids. The come on talked about the sacred life of the fetus, an unfit mother and immature fa...
Read full storyMcCain - Palin Deny that Dinosaurs are Endangered
Right in his own backyard, John McCain has found evidence that using Palin-tology (the scientific method that Sarah Palin has cited to deny the endangered status to Polo bears and Beluga Whales), you can prove that dinosaurs are not an endangered spe...
Read full storyPalin's Six Figure Adornments for Her No Longer So Great Figure
Marie Antoinette thought it would be funny to mock the starving of Paris, who had no bread, to suggest that they eat a napoleon. Imelda Marcos filled rooms with designer footwear amidst the shoe-less population of the Phillipines. And our very ow...
Read full storyBooks on Sex, Maracas, Lint, and Lady Godiva
DOVER, Delaware - The Open Book Bookstore, a subsidiary of Barnes and Noble Books has just released a list of recently published books that are on their bookshelves right now 1. Yodeling and Why The Heck Anyone Would Want To Do It 2. The Planet Saturn And Reliable Reports That Many Scientists Are Now Doubting It's Existence 3. My Secret Life As An English Rugby Team Mascot 4. Lint And...
Read full storyJonas Brothers Unlucky In Love
Now while the alleged romance between Nick Jonas and Selena Gomez is yet to be revealed, an insider has reported that they're already on the rocks. "Nick and Selena are constantly fighting these days. With Nick touring all the time they barely have t...
Read full storyThe London Olympics…it does mean changing the EastEnders opening title image!
The credit crunch affecting the world financial markets has begun to be felt by the planners of the 2012 Olympic Games in London. The chairman of the Olympic Delivery Authority John Armitt said last month: "The consequence of what is happening in...
Read full storySomething's Fishy With Pelosi's $33M Earmark on Bailout Bill...It Really Stinks!
San Francisco,Ca/ Fishing News - South Korean investors couldn't wait to close the deal on Star Kist Tuna, owned by Del Monte Corp. in San Francisco, Ca,, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's home district. In fact, they closed the $359M deal days after...
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