Written by Sparky Fletcher

Thursday, 23 October 2008

image for Poll: McCain heavily favored by elderly men wearing shorts with dark socks
John "Red" Mitchell believes Obama "don't know shit about us old folk."

NEW YORK, NY (Friggemall Wire Services) -- The latest poll shows Republican Presidential nominee John McCain with a huge lead over Democratic rival Barack Obama in the octogenarian males wearing shorts with tall, dark-colored socks demographic.

"McCain's for me," said Dale Sweetwater, a 72-year-old retired cabinet maker from Akron, Ohio. Sweetwater, taking his daily stroll around the block and dressed in a green sweater, white shorts, and knee-high black dress socks, claims he cannot understand Obama. "Damned kids," he said. "They think they know it all these days. Let them make cabinets for 18 hours a day until their hands bleed, and then they'll know my generation."

John "Red" Mitchell, an 85-year-old former steelworker now living in Shreveport, Louisiana, echoed Sweetwater's feelings. "Pussies!" he yelled. "In my day, we didn't have no fancy-schmany 'Innernets' and 'test messengers' and all that hoo-ha." Pulling his blue socks over his calves and straightening his yellow shorts, he added that "that colored fella wouldn't know hard times if it came up and bit him where the good Lord split him."

Obama's campaign appears to be comfortable with McCain's commanding lead among the old and fashion-challenged, as Obama continues to appear at rallies dressed in finely-pressed suits. Meanwhile, polling pundits are eagerly awaiting the results of the next poll to see which candidate leads in the MTV-watching / hip-hop listening demographic.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: John McCain, Polls

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