Dramatic developments from Norman Wisdom Tower Village Neasden. Arthur Pewty, legendary Neasden crime kingpin and reputed murderer (but he only ever killed the bad uns) has not been sighted for two days.
Confusion reigned among the assembled press corps as wave after wave of rumours were met only by closed blinds and a closed front door.
One rumour intimated that Arthur and Beryl Pewty had jetted off to Naples for a meeting with the Camorra regarding the state of Mafia/Government relations in the Mediterranean city.
However, following hours of intense speculation, a neighbour finally emerged and stated that Arthur and Beryl Pewty had gone off for a short break at Butlins at Bognor Regis and that they'd been asked to feed the cats.