There were 1,262 spoof news stories published in May 2008. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Olympic swimmers to be required to swim nude
Olympic officials have determined that swimsuit makers Speedo, Inc, makers of the LZT racer, and Japan's Yamamoto Corporation have devised swimwear apparel that gives competitors sporting their outfits an unfair advantage over those who are not.
Read full storyEmma Watson experiences first orgasm
Emma Watson, the 18-year-old who played the female temptress Hermione Grange in the Harry Potter movies, excitedly exclaimed to family and friends that she had her first orgasm last night as she was watching television in her room.
Read full storyCamel Toe shock for Miley Cyrus
Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus got the shock of her life after coming face to face with a massive hairy camel toe. The teen starlet narrowly escaped being trod upon by the angry dromedary whilst visiting a refuge fo...
Read full storyHayden Panettiere sex tape on sale - Internet crashes!
Heroes starlet Hayden Panettiere has joined the ranks of the Hollywood elite by launching her own online sex video co-starring Angelina Jolie. Demand for the video has been so high the internet crashed at around 10pm last night and boffins have been...
Read full storyZoo Animals Rape & Eat Austrian Sex Freak
Vienna AUSTRIA, (TS) Josef Pretzl, the Austrian man who fathered seven children with his daughter while keeping her locked up in a subterranean dungeon as a sex slave for 24 years, will plead insanity to avoid a prison sentence.
Read full storySwedes have best tits in the world
'It is one of the greatest spectacles on earth and I for one will never forget the sight of all those magnificent tits straining against the very fabric of life itself in the pursuit of immortality'...
Read full storyDaniel Radcliffe And Emma Watson Hospitalised After Accident.
In a freak accident some are calling too much of a coincidence, both Harry Potter actors Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter himself) and Emma Watson (clever clogs side kick) have been badly injured.
Read full storyMen with Big Tits Get hit-on By Workmates
Men with oversized boobs (alternatively referred to as 'moobs') are being sexually harassed by male co-workers at their places of work.
Read full storyAmerican Irony University To Open
It was announced today that the United States is to open a University of Irony, in Chatanooga Creek, Oklahoma.
Read full storyDenver 'Alien' video proven to be a hoax
There was plenty of hype surrounding the first public showing of Jeff Peckman's much vaunted 'Alien' video, however experts have identified several key flaws that bring doubt as to the veracity of his claims that it shows an alien being p...
Read full storyMexican Taco Looks Like Vagina
Across the world there have been images on trees, rocks and even the sky that have reminded people of God, Jesus, his mother and all kinds of natural and supernatural phenomena.
Read full storyMiley Cyrus' Brother: I've Seen Her Naked Lots of Times!
LAX - Miley Cyrus' brother, who calls himself Dan, were in the next room at a Hoe-Down the other night. Dan says Miley doesn't have that much to be proud of (physically) and she has definitely met her match when his recent photo-shoot for Peo...
Read full storyCristiano Ronaldo Transvestite Link
Manchester United player Cristiano Ronaldo has been caught up in a sex scandal with three cross-dressing transvestite prostitute deviants, some sources claim. The Portuguese whinger, who may have been in Brazil for a gay time after his team won th...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie set to destroy own vagina
Angeline Jolie, the big-lipped star of Tomb Raider today confirmed she was expecting twins thus abandoning any hope of retaining a youthful tuppence.
Read full storyGay Country Singer Causing Rednecks, Hicks to Question Their Sexuality
NAHSVILLE, TN - At first glance Julian looks like your typical country music star. He's got the cowboy hat pulled low, the sleeves of his Western shirt rolled to his elbows, and his boots brightly polished. On further inspection, however, one n...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Accepts Hugh Hefner's Offer
Miley Cyrus finally responded to Hugh Hefner's offer to pose nude for Playboy and her answer is "YES!"...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Vanity Photos for Ex-Boyfriend Nick Jonas!
The pictures that Miley Cyrus took for Vanity Fair were actually for her ex-boyfriend, Nick Jonas, part of The Jonas Brothers.
Read full storyMiley Cyrus turning normal grown men into pedophiles
Provocative 15-year-old Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus is turning formerly healthy heterosexual men into pedophiles, according to law enforcement agencies.
Read full storyBarack Obama Has False Teeth
Senator Barack O'Bama, famous for giving meaningless soundbites and flashing his teeth, has announced that these teeth are actually dentures.
Read full storyBig Brother Pete Admits That His Tourettes Was Just An Act
Pete Bennett, the winner of Big Brother 7, has admitted that his trademark characteristic of Tourette Syndrome was a gimmick he used specifically to win the £100,000 prize.
Read full storyJenna Bush honeymooning on nudist lesbian island resort
Pacific Ocean - (AC/DC Ass Mess): Paparazzi have spotted newlywed Jenna Bush and her husband honeymooning on a tropical island nudist lesbian beach resort.
Read full storyGiant Talking Penis To Be Circumsised In NY
A giant talking penis is making comments wherever it goes and getting on the news right and left and some people are calling for it to finally be circumcised once and for all.
Read full storyAngelina Jolie's phantom pregnancy ghosted by classic Womb Raider psychosis
France - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): French doctors have refused to perform an emergency caeserian on Angelina Jolie after ultrasound scans revealed nothing more than a fully-blown pseudocyesis.
Read full storyJenna Bush's Husband Announces Divorce
After just five days of marriage, the union of President Bush's daughter, Jenna, and 30-year old Henry Chase Hager, has ended.
Read full story"Star Trek" Sulu to Wed Spock After Gay "pon-farr" Emergency
Captain Hikaru Sulu, best known for navigating the USS Enterprise on episodes of "Star Trek" while still a lieutenant, says he plans to wed his lifelong love now that the California Supreme Court has overturned its ban on gay and in...
Read full storyParis Hilton Under Nazis Was One Big Sex Romp
California - (Ass Mess): A new hagiography about the German occupation of Paris Hilton's pudenda says it encouraged women's lib at a time when the world was still reeling from her lesbian claims.
Read full storyVanessa Hudgens collapses during filming of High School Musical (?); shooting stops as EMTs treat superstar
Hollywood, California - High School Musical superstar Vanessa Hudgens is reportedly in stable condition at the hospital now. However, that was not the case earlier in the day when shooting for High School Musical (?) unexpectedly had to be stopped as...
Read full storyEmma Watson's Heartbreak Over Daniel Radcliffe
Millionaire Emma Watson is reportedly taking a 'well earned' rest from filming the 6th Harry Potter film as producers feel she is over worked. However my sources can reveal that although it is true that Ms. Watson is taking a break, it is for...
Read full storyMcCain eyes Alaska's Governor Sarah Palin as Big Oil-gag Veep
Washington AC/DC - (Hustings Mess): Forget those sentimental and foolish GOP yearnings for Condoleezza Rice as John McCain's Number 2.
Read full storyReal Madrid sign Cristiano Ronaldo for £1 trillion!
Real Madrid coach Bernd Schuster has agreed a world record fee of £1,000,000,000,000 to lure Cristiano Ronaldo from Manchester United this summer.
Read full storyNew York Media Disrupts Newark NJ Police Undercover Sting; Newark Police Not Very Happy
Newark, NJ - The local Newark Police Undercover Unit set up a sting operation by sending out notices that the recipient of this letter has been randomly picked to receive two baseline tickets to a New York Yankee game.
Read full storyEnglishman, Irishman and Scotsman joke banned in Iran
The now famous, but sometimes politically incorrect and nonetheless extremely funny Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman joke has been banned in Iran by their president, Havano Dinnajacket.
Read full storyToothpicks from the True Cross Of Jesus Are Big Hit On Ebayjesus
A fragment of the supposed true cross of Christ purchased by Toothpick magnate, Woody Gutree, is being sold on the Christian Ebay, Ebayjesus.
Read full storyAryan Nation endorses Obama over McCain for president
In a stunning reversal from its usual policies, white Supremacist organization Aryan Nation announced today that it will endorse mixed-race candidate Barack Obama over his very white opponent John McCain for president of the United States.
Read full storyVanessa Hudgens Goes Into Labor While Filming High School Musical 3!!
We all know that, High School Musical star, Vanessa Hudgens was preganant by co-star, Zac Efron. Well, one day when they were all filming, Vanessa started yelling and screaming, that her water broke (as she got pregnant last year.)...
Read full storyChief Inspector Derek Conway character in ITV's "The Bill" in tatters
The triumphant return from the dead of Chief Inspector Derek Conway in ITV's "The Bill" has been ruined by the political shenanigans of his political namesake, Conservative MP Derek Conway.
Read full story"Lost Tribe" of Brazil Not So Lost After All
The "Lost Tribe" of Brazil may not have been so "lost" after all. The scientific community that was collectively on its way to South America by ground, sea, and air and willingly contributing to global warming has come to a scree...
Read full storyAustrian incest nutter's eldest grandchild pregnancy rumors
Amstetten, Austria - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): An omerta style wall of silence has descended on Amstetten CID amid press speculation that the eldest grandchild of incest nutter Joseph Fritzl is herself pregnant.
Read full storyMiley Cyrus: morning sickness or bulimia?
Orlando, Fla - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): Shrugging off pregnancy rumors and a doctor's prescription for antispasmodics Miley Cyrus defied her critics by performing without throwing up once at Orlando's Epcot Center on Saturday.
Read full storyHadrian's Wall To Be Made Higher, Stronger To Keep Scots Out
Hadrian's Wall, the structure built by the Romans to keep Scottish people from encroaching into England, is to be fortified at a cost of £28billion of taxpayers' money - money, says the government, that would be "well spent". The Wall, built in AD…
Read full storyFritzl cops discover 200km tunnel to Grail cult's Czech Republic sex slave camp
Brno, Czech Republic - (Hideous Mess): Police investigating Austrian incest nutter Joseph Fritzl have found a 200km tunnel leading across the border to an apocalyptic sex cult's slave camp in the Czech Republic.
Read full storyT-Shirt Sparks Outrage From Sissy Bikers
Sonny Jotnose, a Sophomore at Barstow High School in California, was expelled for wearing a T-shirt on Friday. Superintendent of Schools, Ms. Rhoida Hemerra said the shirt's message was offensive.
Read full storyObama Picks Michael Jackson as New Spiritual Advisor
After Barack Obama has distanced himself from cult leader Jeremiah Wright, he has found a new spiritual advisor who is more in tune with human nature. Who is it? Legendary pop star, Michael Jackson!...
Read full storyJenna Bush to lose her virginity
Jenna Bush, the 27 year old daughter to U.S. President George W. Bush, says she is "scared and nervous" about losing her virginity after her wedding to University of Virginia Graduate student Henry Hager.
Read full storyRupert Grint's First Kiss
He maybe me gorgeous beyond belief, he may have a couple of million stashed in his bank account, he may even be the owner of a shiny new ice cream van, but Rupert Grint has never kissed a girl before, or at least until recently he hadn't.
Read full storyEmma Watson Lets Herself Go
There must be some serious rivalry between the Harry Potter stars because today, after hearing about Daniel Radcliffe's new found mingingness, Emma Watson too let herself go.
Read full storySmokers claim World Asthma Day inflammatory, defamatory
World Asthma Day is an annual event organized by the Global Initiative for Asthma (GINA) to improve asthma awareness and prevention around the world.
Read full storyGiant amethyst crystal skull is buried on Mars says Uri Geller
Tel Aviv - (Mindblowing Mess): NASA's Mars Phoenix mission is being guided mentally by psychic (sic) Uri Geller who says the remote-control archaeological excavator is searching for the fabled Martian amethyst master skull.
Read full storyPaul and Ringo Announce Who will be the New Beatles
Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr have decided that they want to revive the Beatles, finding replacements for the late John Lennon and George Harrison.
Read full storyDaniel Radcliffe suffers Prick injury after Jumping up and Down on a Cock
Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe is recovering at his home in Cheshire, England after pricking his bottom on a needle he landed on while bouncing on a cock of hay for a scene in his latest film 'The Boys in the Barn'...
Read full storyObama's 'miracle' visit to Myanmar....
Myanmar - Sen. Barack Obama made a surprise visit to Myanmar, site of the devastation caused by a massive cyclone which caused hundreds of thousands of deaths.
Read full storyJacqui Smith Announces Stronger Cannabis Law
Jacqui Smith, the pot-smoking Home Secretary, has announced that, from today, all cannabis that is smoked in the UK must be stronger, and must meet stringent European Cannabis Strength Laws.
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Records Cover of Dad Billy Ray Cyrus' Achy Breaky Heart while Fully Clothed and Playing with a Daniel Radcliffe Toothbrush
Miley Cyrus has recorded a cover of her dad Billy Ray's smash hit tune 'Achy Breaky Heart' for a new movie while fully clothed in a recording studio in downtown Los Angles.
Read full storyCatering Plans Revealed For Jena Bush Wedding
Jena Bush will be married this weekend at her father's ranch near Crawford, Texas. Considering that "Daddy" is President of the United States, it is a significant ranch and a lot of money is involved in giving away the First Daughter.
Read full storyCristiano Ronaldo Awarded Freedom Of Manchester Gay Quarter
Cristiano Ronaldo, the Manchester United winger whose goal helped the Reds to win last night's Champions League Final in Moscow, is to be given the freedom of Manchester's Gay Quarter as a result of his services to the area. The Portuguese player...
Read full storyU.S. Women's Olympic soccer team drops sports bra sponsorship after Chinese government orders them to keep their shirts on
Beijing, China - In order to comply with the highly censored and strict Chinese government run TV standards, the U.S. women's Olympic soccer team had to sign an agreement that they would not remove their shirts on the field or anytime during a so...
Read full storyZac claims Vanessa's a cheater!
Just days ago, sweetheart Vanessa Hudgens claimed she was pregnant to ex boyfriend and fellow High School Musical Star, Zac Efron. But today, Zac has come out swinging claiming he's not the father.
Read full storyHull City Fans Now The Most Feared In Premier League
The supporters of Hull City, newly-promoted to football's Premier League, are now the most feared set of hooligans ever to grace the top flight of the English game, says an 'expert'. City fans, known as the City Psychos, are regarded throughout th...
Read full storyChinese earthquake UFO shot down over Vietnam
Phu Quoc, Cambodia - (Extraterrestrial Mess): Vietnam's air force has shot down an ominous-looking UFO that had been spotted hovering menacingly in its sovereign airspace.
Read full storyJennifer Aniston to be Angelina's Maid of Honour
The rumours surrounding the pending nuptials of the famous "cheaters" Angelina & Brad, have now become a reality.
Read full storyGrail Movement sex slavery sect celebrates Festival of the Holy Dove
Brno, Czech Republic - (Demonic Mess): On the day when Christendom commemorates the ritual public immolation of St Joan of Arc a former Austro-Hungarian Empire sex slavery cult, the Grail Movement, is celebrating its greatest annual feastday...
Read full storyLondon 2012 Para Olympics Will Go Ahead Despite Survey
Shocked London officials revealed today that the Para Olympics will still go ahead in London in 2012 following a survey which revealed that most people actually watch it for the "laugh" value.
Read full storyGrand Theft Auto Hidden Scenes
Hidden scenes have been found in Grand Theft Auto IV, the latest in the controversial video game series. It didn't take long for hackers to find the back doors into an even more disturbing world than the already offensive main story.
Read full storyMiley Cyrus And Billy Ray Cyrus To Marry
Miley Cyrus and her father, Billy Ray, the Country Music legend, are to get married, according to reports from Hollywood.
Read full storyCastaway Co-Star "Wilson" Found Dead
The volleyball actor who shot to fame in 2000 as the "Wilson" character in the blockbuster movie "Castaway" with Tom Hanks, was found dead, floating in the backyard pool of his once immaculate Beverly Hills home this past Friday.
Read full storyBarbara Walters admits to masturbating
Long time television interviewer Barbara Walters admits in her new tell-all book that she has masturbated secretly several times during the course of her long career.
Read full storyRainbow's Jeffrey to Release Damning Memoirs
The rumoured plan by former Rainbow host Jeffrey to release his memoirs could sink the show, according to Rainbow fanatic Mike Meadow. Bungle, the show's current leader, has already come under fierce attack since Lord Freddy (formerly part of Rod,...
Read full storyThe 7 Things Miley Cyrus hates about her ex Nick Jonas
Not long ago, Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus debuted her new song '7 Things' to be featured on her upcoming album 'Breakout'.
Read full storyHelen Thomas Crashes Bush Wedding
CRAWFORD, TX- Longtime news service reporter Helen Thomas has won the grudging affection of every U.S. president since John F. Kennedy with her disarming bluntness and redeeming wit. The jury is still out, however, on how her latest coup will affect...
Read full storyBritain's Youngest Case Of Juvenile Dementia Reported
A boy from Coventry has become the youngest-ever reported case of an affliction that is sweeping Britain, when he was diagnosed by his mum as suffering from Juvenile Dementia. Sharon Chavez, of the Burberry Estate in the city, said her 5-year-old...
Read full storyEve's twat flap found in Sinaii Dessert
A twat flap thought to have once belonged to Eve, the first woman on the world, has been found in the Sinaii Desert. Teenager Callum D'Asbo almost tripped over the small green leaf and thought nothing of it until his Dad Terry spotted a small hai...
Read full storyTanorexic Teenagers Risking Unborn Babies
Bright orange teenage slappers all over Great Britain are risking the lives of their unborn children by glueing themselves to tanning beds all over the U.K.
Read full storySexy Socks help Nerds get laid
An enterprising geography teacher has designed a pair of socks that will help remove the nerd from the herd. As a bonus, they can be worn in bed without giving a girl the creeps.
Read full storyAlcoholics Anonymous Meetings Forced to Leave Church Basements
(Somewhere in the world - Anonymous News Service) - Because so many famous politicians are flooding to AA after committing ridiculous acts of depravity, horrible driving and sleeping during Congressional Meetings, churches are becoming worried. These...
Read full storyGinger Twat Gets Medal
Prince Harry is to get a medal for his secret tour of duty in Afghanistan as a Forward Hair Controller. The Prince was secretly flown in despite his red barnett being a draw to Afghan soldiers everywhere.
Read full storyFDA Warns Botox Causes Infection and Death
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - The FDA has announced that after intensive investigations it has determined that Botox injections lead to infection and death.
Read full story'Dogging' Not As Popular As It Used To Be, Says Voyeur
'Dogging' is losing its popularity, and is not as practised as it was only a year ago, says an expert who regularly attends dogging events. Dogging, the act of performing sex whilst being watched by strangers, achieved notoriety in the 1990s after...
Read full storyOzzy Osborne to be knighted in Queen's Birthday Honours
It has been revealed today that one of Britain's favourite and best-loved dysfunctional rock stars, John "Ozzy" Osborne, is to receive a KBE in this year's Birthday Honours list for his services to incredulity.
Read full storyIKEA Austria announce new range of basement furniture
Never a company to hide its commercial light under a bushel, Swedish flat-pack and maker of peculiarly-named products, IKEA, has announced a range of basement furniture and accessories especially for the Austrian market.
Read full storyMen's mag tempts Miley with $5 million centerfold
Los Angeles, California - (Bare Ass Mess): A record breaking five million dollar contract has been signed in secret between a men's magazine and Hannah Montana starlet Miley Cyrus.
Read full storyFood Waste Mountain To Be Devoured By Tramps
Tramps and other homeless misfits are to be invited to a special banquet in London to clear the 3.6million tonne Food Waste Mountain generated by people who needlessly throw away good food.
Read full storyDavid Blaine Sets Levitation Record by Lifting Oprah
CHICAGO, IL - The crowd was hushed. David Blaine's face was the picture of pure concentration. Oprah sat patiently in her signature interviewer's chair. Then suddenly, with a gasp from the crowd and a squeal from Oprah, the chair began to...
Read full storyBritain's Got Talent Dog 'Gin' Is Favourite To Win
Britain's Got Talent, the TV variety show which promoted 'dodgy' acts from amongst the UK masses, comes to the boil this week and, with the final on ITV1 this Saturday, the red hot favourite is a dancing dog named...
Read full storyStar Trek Mr Spock Exposed As Fraud
Mr Spock, the half-human, half-Vulcan science officer aboard the USS Enterprise in the Star Trek TV series, has been declared a fraud by one fan of the show, who claims the 'half-alien' is none other than veteran actor Leonard Nimoy. Mr Spock, who...
Read full storyHospitalized Ted Kennedy Sees Mary Jo Kopechne's Ghost
Ted Kennedy was airlifted to a Boston hospital after what could possibly have been a stroke (or another bump on the head after being falling down drunk again). While being treated by a trauma team in the emergency room, the Massachusetts Senator was...
Read full storyJenna Bush Married in Ceremony with Sounds of Skull and Bones and Real Skull at Their Table
Jenna Bush, 26, the beautiful blond daughter of President Bush was married in a private ceremony, Saturday May 10, 2008 at Mr. Bush's Crawford Ranch near Waco, Texas.
Read full storyAbortion limit to be raised to 18 years
A leading psychologist-type, doctor-type has recommended that the abortion age limit for Chavs should be raised to 18. That is, they can now be aborted up to 18 years of age if they show no signs of normality. Speaking at the Annual Conference for...
Read full storyNever Get A Date With These 3 Hairstyles.
Expert psychologists from Boston's Behavioral Signalization Institute of Hair Science have finished a 3 year long study involving 500 people that tests what affect hairstyles and beards have on their validity and taken seriousness out in the real...
Read full storyEmma Watson To Host New Game Show
For some reason unknown to me, Harry Potter Actress Emma Watson has launched her own show 'Who Wants Some Of My Millions'. The show will be very much like 'Who Wants To Be a Millionaire' except of course it will be on the BBC and Emma...
Read full storyBarbie Turns 50 and Suicidal
(New York, NY) Barbie will turn 50 in 2009. To mark the event a suicidal, middle-aged version of the famous doll has been released.
Read full storyTony Romo Dumps Jessica Simpson
Dallas Cowboy starting quarterback Tony Romo has called it quits with singer/actress/model/blond bombshell Jessica Simpson. The football player was seen escorting American Idol runner up Kellie Pickler into a Fort Worth nightclub yesterday. When...
Read full storyRonaldo: I showed Ladyboys my ball skills
Beaver-faced Brazillian striker Ronaldo admitted having sex with three ladyboys in a hotel-room in Rio De Janeiro but says "I only realised they were men after I had fellated all of them. Now I feel deeply ashamed."...
Read full storyFritzl blames Oedipus Complex Variant
Amstetten - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): Austrian incest nutter Joseph Fritzl has blamed his mother Unity Valkyrie Mitford Fritzl for the mess he finds himself in today.
Read full storyElvis Alive! Found in Josef Fritzl's holiday house basement!
Saltzburg, Austria - Elvis has left the dungeon! In a search of dungeon-master Josef Fritzl's holiday house in the Austrian city of Saltzburg, police have found rock and roll king Elvis Aaron Presley, pale but apparently well.
Read full storyDyslectic women's naked Pyde Hark gallops branded as cunning stunts
London - (Bare Ass Mess): The antics of thousands of naked dyslectic women riding bareback through London's traditional spring sonking bites have been branded as a crude display of cunning stunts.
Read full storyClinton Concedes to Obama, Steals Libertarian Nomination from Barr
Facing certain defeat due to Barack Obama's insurmountable lead and his refusal to look for sex in public bathrooms, Senator Hillary Clinton resigned from the race for the Democratic presidential nomination on Tuesday night.
Read full storyBush Names Ketchup an Entree in School Lunches
In the hard times in the Reagan years, ketchup was named a vegetable in public school lunchrooms by Republican appointed nutritionists. In the age of childhood obesity, schools have been moving to healthier lunches and nutritious breakfast programs i...
Read full storySunglasses linked to Pedophilia
A recent study has found that anyone who wears aviator sunglasses for anything other the aviation is 9 million times more likely to be a pedophile than people who wear normal sunglasses.
Read full storyDavid Archuleta's "Idol" Dad More like "American Dad", say producers
Hollywood, California - Jeff Archuleta, the overly zealous "stage mom" of "American Idol" contestant, David Archuleta, has been banished from the magical kingdom of Simon Cowell, say the show's producers. As they have had enou...
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