David Blaine Sets Levitation Record by Lifting Oprah

Funny story written by tzdan

Thursday, 1 May 2008

image for David Blaine Sets Levitation Record by Lifting Oprah
David Blaine reflects on his accomplishment.

CHICAGO, IL - The crowd was hushed. David Blaine's face was the picture of pure concentration. Oprah sat patiently in her signature interviewer's chair. Then suddenly, with a gasp from the crowd and a squeal from Oprah, the chair began to rise and Oprah was levitating.

After mentally holding her aloft for a full ten seconds, an exhausted Blaine slowly lowered Oprah to the floor, as the crowd jumped to their feet with a roar of applause.

Broadcast live, the illusionist was successful in performing his famous levitation stunt upon another individual for the first time ever.

Oprah was thrilled to be part of the record-setting feat, offering Blaine a lifetime membership to her book club in gratitude.

By accomplishing the feat, Blaine set a new levitation record for total weight lifted (465 lbs. for both the chair and Oprah).

Blaine said that he trained for the feat by first lifting an anvil, then a refrigerator, and finally a Honda Civic.

"After training with that Civic I was pretty confident that I might have a shot at lifting Oprah," said a smiling Blaine. "I was still nervous today though, because let's face it, Oprah's no sub-compact."

Oprah fans were astonished and delighted by Blaine's record setting accomplishment.

"I am truly amazed," said audience member Bob Gold, who had been dragged to the taping by his wife. "This guy just comes in here and lifts Oprah with his mind. Man, I'd have thought it'd take at least a small forklift just to pick up her over-inflated head and big ol' ass."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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