IKEA Austria announce new range of basement furniture

Written by Steddyeddy

Tuesday, 6 May 2008

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The new "Ahitler" basement bed from IKEA

Never a company to hide its commercial light under a bushel, Swedish flat-pack and maker of peculiarly-named products, IKEA, has announced a range of basement furniture and accessories especially for the Austrian market.

Founder Ingvar Kamprad has always had a soft spot for Austria. When he was a teen, he was directly involved in the pro-Nazi New Swedish Movement until at least 1945, if not eight o'clock.

He takes up the story:

"We like to think IKEA is leading edge when it comes to customer needs.

"We have identified a gap in the market for good quality furniture suitable for basements so that Austrian people can make their captive children's lives more comfortable. Basements tend to be dark places with narrow corridors, so we have designed our range to fit in.

"Our newest addition is "Gorbels", a set of interlocking shelving finished in stormtrooper black. This co-ordinates perfectly with "Gorering", our newly designed combi bed, toilet and shower. Our "Nurmberg" storage system allows the flexibility for storing clothes, books, shackles and whips, while the "Arbitemachfree" dining set doubles as an exercise machine, torture rack and baby delivery unit, depending upon individual requirements."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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