Barbie Turns 50 and Suicidal

Written by Fish

Saturday, 3 May 2008

image for Barbie Turns 50 and Suicidal
Middle Age Hits Hard at Barbie

(New York, NY) Barbie will turn 50 in 2009. To mark the event a suicidal, middle-aged version of the famous doll has been released.

Advance promotion for the design, called Suicide Barbie, was released to

The famous doll is now flabby and overweight. The thick head of blonde hair is now obviously dyed and much shorter. Jowly cheeks and watery eyes have replaced the vibrant youthful look. Suicidal Barbie's wardrobe is faded sweats, dirty sneakers and smeared make-up. She is obviously severely alcoholic and suicidally depressed.

The most pathetic thing about Suicide Barbie is the things she says. "I hate myself. I wish I was dead. Life sucks. Life has no meaning." are some of the phrases she speaks. Some Suicide Barbie dolls even say "Will you please kill me."

There are many extras included with the Suicide Barbie. There is a gas stove with a small supply of natural gas so Barbie can suffocate herself. There are colored pills so she can overdose and also a toy gun. The makers also include a copy of the book Final Exit in the kit.

A representative Lillith D'ville was optimistic about the sales potential. "We live in dark times." said Ms. D'ville. "The marketplace is ready for a Suicide Barbie. In two years we will have Graveyard Barbie if this goes as we hope. Our marketing department is already researching doll death and doll graveyards."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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