Alcoholics Anonymous Meetings Forced to Leave Church Basements

Funny story written by W.D. Nelson

Saturday, 3 May 2008

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Division of Church and State. Will This Be The Result?

(Somewhere in the world - Anonymous News Service) - Because so many famous politicians are flooding to AA after committing ridiculous acts of depravity, horrible driving and sleeping during Congressional Meetings, churches are becoming worried. These politicians, according to AA's own 12 Traditions, have already flunked their first attempt at "Sobriety". No member of AA should announce their attendance to meetings at the level of Press, Radio and TV.

A high percentage of AA meetings, are held in church basements, not because it is a religious organization, but rather because churches usually charge very low rents for these Self Help groups in a show of charity. This also helps the proliferation of more groups in the area, which is a great thing for Alcoholic's that are still in the active phase of their addiction.

During the recent Pope's journey to the United States, questions arose concerning the separation of church and state. Is an AA meeting that is largely composed of Politicians (i.e. Politicians who proclaim loudly through their press agents and political advisors that they are now attending Alcoholics Anonymous Meetings) a violation of Church, where most AA meetings are held, and state which are heavily attended by politicians who make no secret of their involvement.

To avoid further investigation by the government and to satisfy a growing dissent amongst themselves, the churches, with the Blessing of the Pope, will have to detach themselves entirely from holding AA meetings in their buildings. As a result, tens of thousands of AA Meetings have been forced to shut down their meeting places across the country. "It doesn't matter if there is one politician or none at all, unless they announce themselves publicly, which is against our Eleventh Tradition, we don't know everyone in here, who they work for or with." AA's Eleventh Tradition: States That "Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films."

Since the Tenth Tradition says "Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the AA name ought never be drawn into public controversy", the organization had a "No Comment" when asked about their concerns regarding thousands of AA Meetings being "Thrown Out" of their meeting places. No one within the AA organization can make a plea to the government, newspapers, television reporters or even the local town's council about keeping their meeting places.

At the same time, the liquor manufacturers are adding new shifts so that they can produce almost twice their normal product. Liquor stores are also doubling their purchases, in the realization that many of the disenchanted sober alcoholics might turn back to what they always knew helped to solve their problems. The Stock Exchange is also closely watching how alcohol related Stocks are performing. Personal Stock Brokers are encouraging their clients to BUY ahead of the expected rise in prices and future dividends.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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