McCain Vows to End LAFTA

Senator John McCain announced today that he would cancel LAFTA if elected president.

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NWA Snipes sentenced to three years

Funny story: NWA Snipes sentenced to three years

Hollywood actor Wesley Snipes has received a three year prison sentence for tax offences, but the conviction had nothing to do with the court's perception of him as a rich "uppity nigger".

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Teachers strike to hit small industries where it hurts

Funny story: Teachers strike to hit small industries where it hurts

Corduroy elbow pad manufacturer Elroy McManus told of his deep fears for the future of his company should the teacher strike continue.

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Idiots vindicated: scientists prove that memory sucks

Funny story: Idiots vindicated: scientists prove that memory sucks

According to a new study, the average idiot can keep only one or two things in their working memory or conscious mind at a time.

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New Department for Arson announced today

Funny story: New Department for Arson announced today

As councils throughout the country struggle to pay councillors expenses, send them on junkets to far flung lands, and settle huge PFI finance debts to parasitic outsourcers, a lifeline has been thrown to them by the Government with the establishment...

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Doctor Who succumbs to dreadful ginger menace

Funny story: Doctor Who succumbs to dreadful ginger menace

Everyone's favourite Gallifreyan Timelord has faced some real terrors over the years - Sontarans, Sea Devils, Daleks and CyberMen to name but a few. He's even survived the BBC losing faith and cancelling him for years, only for the good Docto...

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Terry defends Drogba - mascot in stable condition.

Funny story: Terry defends Drogba - mascot in stable condition.

John Terry has launched a strong defence of the Chelsea teams actions on Saturday which left one of the team mascots in a stable but critical condition in a west London Hospital.

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Spitzer's personal fitness trainer is Max Mosley Nazi S&M orgy madam

Funny story: Spitzer's personal fitness trainer is Max Mosley Nazi S&M orgy madam

New York - (Lurid Ass Mess): Detectives investigating ex-New York Governor Eliot Spitzer's Holy Roman Emperor VSOP hooker agency have found a link to the UK Nazi S&M orgy aficionado Max Mosely.

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Rain led to Napoleon's defeat at Waterloo, triumph of Wellingtons

Funny story: Rain led to Napoleon's defeat at Waterloo, triumph of Wellingtons

Almost two centuries after the Battle of Waterloo, senior French Army officers have concluded that an underestimation of the rain and mud, and dismissal of the crucial importance of the watertight Wellies worn by British and Prussian forces,...

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"I just love to play on dirt!" Sharapova tells Letterman

Funny story: "I just love to play on dirt!" Sharapova tells Letterman

New York - (Fifteen-Love Mess): Stunning leggy Russian blonde tennis ace Maria Sharapova has thrilled late night TV chatshow host David Letterman with her revelations about love of play on dirt.

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Nutritionists Baffled By New Foodstuff

Funny story: Nutritionists Baffled By New Foodstuff

CLEVELAND, Ohio (Reuters) -- Nutritionists at the American Dietetic Association have been baffled by a new foodstuff being tested at local McDonald's stores called the "McLove Muffin."...

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McCain Says He Would Have Responded Differently to the Crash of 1929

Funny story: McCain Says He Would Have Responded Differently to the Crash of 1929

Senator John McCain took direct aim at previous administrations on Thursday as he stood in the lower gallery of Wall Street Stock Exchange, the area hardest hit by the Crash of 1929, and declared that "never again will a disaster of this...

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A Day In The Life Of A Daniel Radcliffe Stalker

It is 6am and it is so cold I think many of my figures are going to drop off very soon. But where am I? A Bush outside Daniel Radcliffe's Fulham home of course.

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ABBA's White House Visit to discuss new peace initiative in Israel

The Swedish pop group ABBA today attended a meeting with President Bush to see whether they could contribute to the peace process in Israel.

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Family of Kuntz Reunited

Funny story: Family of Kuntz Reunited

A family has been reunited after the chance answering of a letter printed in an Idaho newspaper.

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Human brain responds to Obama as it does to money and chocolate

Funny story: Human brain responds to Obama as it does to money and chocolate

Scientists from the University of California - Los Angeles have found that the human brain reacts to Democratic presidential hopeful Senator Barack Obama in the same way it responds to winning money and eating chocolate.

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McCain Forgainst the Issues

Funny story: McCain Forgainst the Issues

Washington DC - Republican John Sidney McCain announced today his unalterable position "forgainst" the major issues of our times.

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Panic at Colleges over Ramen Noodle Shortage

Funny story: Panic at Colleges over Ramen Noodle Shortage

College students who live off-campus and are struggling to make ends meet while getting an education have been hit with a major crisis. There is a major ramen noodle shortage and the few available packages of ramen noodles available are selling for...

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Jobless forced into past-life therapy

Funny story: Jobless forced into past-life therapy

Long-term EU unemployed are being forced into "regression therapy" in the hope that coming to terms with past lives will help them find a job in this one.

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Teachers Strike Sparks Nationwide Happiness!

Funny story: Teachers Strike Sparks Nationwide Happiness!

A teacher's strike which could see millions of kids better off has been praised by politicians and adults the length and breadth of Britain.

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Gok Wan Outed as Heterosexual

Funny story: Gok Wan Outed as Heterosexual

Scandal hit Channel 4 last night as camp presenter and self-professed "Makeover Queen" Gok Wan was sensationally revealed to be as straight as a die. Wan, the presumed-to-be-gay host of hit show How to Look Good Naked, admitted at a press conferen...

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Life Declared a Mental Disorder by APA

Funny story: Life Declared a Mental Disorder by APA

ARLINGTON, VA - As part of an initiative to streamline patient care and make it more affordable to anyone who seeks it, the American Psychiatric Association has eliminated all but one mental disorder from its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Ment...

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Gay masturbation totally different from hetero masturbation scientists say

Funny story: Gay masturbation totally different from hetero masturbation scientists say

London - (Gay Ass Mess): "We used to think that masturbation is so gay," Imperial Science Institute's Prof V Smart said today, "but now we aren't so sure."...

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Mexicans stealing White House blackberries Bush complains

Funny story: Mexicans stealing White House blackberries Bush complains

Washington AC/DC - (Fruit-Rustling Mess): President Bush has complained to the secret service that pesky Mexicans have been stealing White House blackberries.

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Liverpool Owners To Halve John Arne Riise's Wages Due To His One-Footedness

Funny story: Liverpool Owners To Halve John Arne Riise's Wages Due To His One-Footedness

Liverpool have announced that they have made a huge salary cut from the wages of John Arne Riise, on the basis that the scary-looking, blond Norwegian is only able to kick with his left foot.

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Texas polygamy kids 'want to become Scientologists' after Tom Cruise movie outing

Funny story: Texas polygamy kids 'want to become Scientologists' after Tom Cruise movie outing

Texas - (Fundamental Mess): Over four hundred children taken into care from the Yearn For Zion polygamous nutters' ranch have demanded immediate initiation into the Church of Scientology after seeing Tom Cruise's Top Gun and...

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Doherty tests positive

Funny story: Doherty tests positive

London - (OMFG Mess): Babyshambles singer Pete Doherty has tested positive inside the nutter wing at HMP Wormwood Scrubs.

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Report says Children are Depressed

Funny story: Report says Children are Depressed

According to research carried out by BBC children's television programme, Newsround, children are depressed by modern society.

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Bear kills Hollywood handler

Funny story: Bear kills Hollywood handler

Hollywood, Ca - (Bear-Faced Cheek Mess): In a clear case of mistaken identity a grizzly bear has killed his handler after mistaking him for Semi-Pro co-star Will Ferrell.

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Germans offer cyber-stalkers a walk-in service

Funny story: Germans offer cyber-stalkers a walk-in service

Berlin - (Obsessive-Compulsive Mess): A new EU-funded stalk-in advice centre for cyberstalkers has opened in Germany after the discovery of Neo-Nazis hounding internet humor sites.

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No airbrushing of horns or swastika tattoos in new Blair portrait

Funny story: No airbrushing of horns or swastika tattoos in new Blair portrait

London - (Ass Mess): "Well the PM said to me 'Paint me as I really am, Phil, horns and swastikas and warts and all!' - and so of course I duly obliged," artist Phil Hale said today.

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Artist wants Queen Elizabeth tribute act to drop dead in gallery

Funny story: Artist wants Queen Elizabeth tribute act to drop dead in gallery

Frankfurt-am-Main - (Rotters): A German artist has promised Queen Elizabeth's relatives five trillion euro if they agree to arrange for her to spend her dying hours in his Dusseldorf art gallery.

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Zimbabwe arms ship returns to Halliburton Beijing orifice

Funny story: Zimbabwe arms ship returns to Halliburton Beijing orifice

Harare, Zimbabwe - (AssoCIAted Mess): Up to 600 tonnes of potentially lethal defective military weapons in the Aung San Suu Kyi carrier are heading back to the Halliburton Corporation's Beijing orifice.

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Padre Pio's body sprouts breasts

Funny story: Padre Pio's body sprouts breasts

Vatican - (Embalming Mess): In what has been described as a god awful embarrassment for the Vatican the exhumed body of stick martyr Padre Pio has suddenly sprouted breasts.

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Berlin Philharmonic rattled

Funny story: Berlin Philharmonic rattled

Berlin, Germany - (Tone-deaf Mess): Germany's leading national orchestra wants to dump the man credited with steering it to the top after a blazing row about Nazi tribute songs.

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Heather Mills groomed Iran nuclear reactor program after sordid camel business

Funny story: Heather Mills groomed Iran nuclear reactor program after sordid camel business

Langley, Virginia - (Lurid Ass Mess): US spooks said today that simpering peroxide dickhead Heather Mills is KGB hooker responsible for helping Iran with its nuclear program.

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Heathrow Terror Plot Foiled By BA Cock-up

Funny story: Heathrow Terror Plot Foiled By BA Cock-up

A major terrorist threat was averted earlier this morning when a number of suitcases containing high explosive failed to arrive at BA's flagship new Terminal 5 at London's Heathrow airport.

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Conspiracy Theorists Proclaim Ass on Mars

Funny story: Conspiracy Theorists Proclaim Ass on Mars

FLAGSTAFF - Mars has a face and a posterior, according to conspiracy theorists who are hailing a recent photograph from the Mars Observer as proof of an Ass on Mars.

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Britney 'Speared.'

Funny story: Britney 'Speared.'

'Ops I did it again,' said the ancient weapons specialist as he accidentally ran Britney Spears through with an ancient spear of the Rain Forest's Umbo-Womba tribe. 'I was really trying to carry out the ancient tribal ritual of removi...

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NUTS Strike UK Schools!

Funny story: NUTS Strike UK Schools!

National Union of Teachers will strike across the UK this week to protest the plight of teachers. The union purposely chose the acronym NUTS to declare the widely acknowledged fact that you have got to be NUTS to want to be a teacher.

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Reds Can Halt Jinx at Chelsea

Funny story: Reds Can Halt Jinx at Chelsea

Liverpool boss, Rafael Benitez, believes his side can overcome its poor record at Chelsea and reach the Champions League final.

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Papa Panzer: Part Three , Divorce and Remarriage , vatican Style

Funny story: Papa Panzer: Part Three , Divorce and Remarriage , vatican Style

Even after Papa Panzer, the Rottweiler of Roamin' Religion, has returned to the royal palace designed after the Bethlehem stable in which Luke's baby Gesu was born (Matthew's apparently lived in a middle class condominium), the wholly holy father, the one true pope of the one true rekligion has agreed to continue interviews with the spoof religion reporters who usually write about driv...

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President Bush Launches Book Writing Career Early!

Funny story: President Bush Launches Book Writing Career Early!

Impressed with 'The Pet Goat,' while reading it during the horrific 9-11 attack on the World Trade Center, and fully impressed by the just-released Laura and Jenna Bush children's book (meant for 4-8 year olds), 'Read All About It,...

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Senator John McCain wishes to have sex with model Heidi Klum; others

Funny story: Senator John McCain wishes to have sex with model Heidi Klum; others

After a vigorous day of campaigning, Senator John McCain reportedly told a friend that he would enjoy having sexual intercourse with 35-year-old top model Heidi Klum. She is also the wife of the singer Seal.

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Hillary Loses Pennsylvania in Recount; Ron Paul Wins

Funny story: Hillary Loses Pennsylvania in Recount; Ron Paul Wins

Hillary Clinton suffered a stunning defeat Thursday when a recount of the Pennsylvania primary vote showed she lost by a substantial margin. While the initial count had Clinton ahead by 10 points over Barack Obama, the recount put the former first la...

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Alexa Revises Web Traffic Rankings

Funny story: Alexa Revises Web Traffic Rankings

Alexa, a prominent website that provides information on other websites, recently revised its algorithm for measuring web traffic. The site's most recognized feature is a ranking of websites by th...

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High School Musical Remake In Works

Funny story: High School Musical Remake In Works

Disney is reportedly working on a remake of the first High School Musical film. Rumors are flying fast and furious across Hollywood and the entertainment community about what form the new HSM will take, and who will be in the cast, including possibly...

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Miley Cyrus Answers Questions on Internet Pictures

Recently, pictures purporting to be of a scantilly clad Miley Cyrus have sprung up on various sites on the internet. The shots feature a young girl in various stages of dress and show her in different styles, colors, and types of undergarments. M...

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Miley Cyrus to Write Autobiography

Funny story: Miley Cyrus to Write Autobiography

Fifteen year old Miley Cyrus, the young actress who plays Hannah Montana on the Disney Channel on cable television, has decided to record her memoirs for posterity. "Destiny Comes With Mouse Ears; The Autobiography of Miley Cyrus" will be...

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Teenagers Select Best Places for Dates

Funny story: Teenagers Select Best Places for Dates

Teenagers across the United States were ask to vote on their favorite places to take a date. The survey required them to be specific; in other words, they could not say "the mall," but had to pick a specific mall. After auditing over 128,...

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Putin behind Chevron smears

Funny story: Putin behind Chevron smears

Wall Street - (Stalinist Mess): Pea-brained Russian midget Mad Bad Vlad 'The Impaler' Putin was unmasked today as the walking trash-heap behind a series of smears against bigoil giant Chevron Corp.

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Selena Gomez Seen Kissing David Henrie Behind a Tree!

Funny story: Selena Gomez Seen Kissing David Henrie Behind a Tree!

Wizards Of Waverly Place stars Selena Gomez and David Henrie were seen kissing behind a tree near a Brooklyn park.

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Obama won't dredge up Clinton scandals, asks Spoof writers to do the honors

Funny story: Obama won't dredge up Clinton scandals, asks Spoof writers to do the honors

Washington AC/DC - (Lurid Ass Mess): Barack Obama said today he will not scrape the bottom of the proverbial barrel to dredge up ancient unpublicised Clinton scandals.

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PA primary win takes Clinton one step closer to holding Bible for McCain

PHILADELPHIA - Senator Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign picked up a much-needed victory in the Pennsylvania Democratic primary last night. Clinton topped rival Barack Obama, claiming 55% of the popular vote to Obama's 45%, gaining 80...

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