Conspiracy Theorists Proclaim Ass on Mars

Funny story written by Gene Mason

Thursday, 24 April 2008


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Rusty Butz Points to Frost in Photo of "Ass on Mars"

FLAGSTAFF - Mars has a face and a posterior, according to conspiracy theorists who are hailing a recent photograph from the Mars Observer as proof of an Ass on Mars.

The feature is a small hill split by a deep rift near the leading edge of the planet's massive South Polar icecap at its northernmost migration.

Conspiracy theorists argue that the rift could not have been carved over time by natural forces and that the truth of its origin is being concealed by NASA.

"The formation as it appears today does not match the results of any of our models using wind, water, and seismic forces such as volcanoes or marsquakes. We must therefore conclude that the crack is artificial in nature," stated Rusty Butz, spokesman for the newly formed Ass on Mars Society.

"It was obviously designed to be seen from space as a sign of some kind. Whereas the Face on Mars beckons humans, perhaps the Ass on Mars serves as a 'mooning' gesture to keep out the curious. So the Martians appear to be sending us mixed signals," Butz added.

Predictably, the new claims have been met with skepticism in the scientific community.

"Our modeling processes for this particular hill are only in the conceptual stages," said Noah Booty, a planetary scientist at the National Geological Survey headquarters in Flagstaff, Arizona. "Any conclusion reached based on currently available evidence would be a rush to judgement, or lack thereof.

"I can say with complete assurance that there is no ass on Mars. But literally and metaphorically speaking, there are lots of them on Earth," Booty concluded.

The Ass on Mars Society plans to lobby NASA for additional reconnaissance of the area near the Mons volcano complex, where they are hoping to uncover evidence of the elusive Boobs on Mars.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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