McCain Vows to End LAFTA

Funny story written by victor nicholas

Thursday, 24 April 2008

Senator John McCain announced today that he would cancel LAFTA if elected president.

LAFTA or the Latin America Free Trade Agreement is a little known trade agreement between the US and Mexico brokered by the CIA under the Carter Administration. It focuses on emigration and comedy exchange between the two countries.

McCain announced that both sided are not happy with the agreement and says that it is time to pull out now. Democrats jumped on McCain for his statement and said cancelling LAFTA only proves that McCain has no sense of humor.

McCain who has been known to be a prankster on occasion with campaign workers defended himself cheerily "I told you I was going to beat Huckabee in Kansas…boy was I ever wrong."

Senator Obama was alerted of the LAFTA controversy on the campaign trail and weighed in to defend LAFTA . "No matter how rich or poor Americans and Mexicans may be, everyone needs LAFTA." Obama went on to reveal that he is of part Mexican ancestry and that his middle Hussein translates to Jose in Spanish.

The basis for LAFTA was an agreement by the US to provide thousands of drunken college students to visit Mexico on weekends in exchange for an equal amount of Mexican illegal aliens. While both countries have maintained required quotas in the past things have changed recently. Mexican officials are complaining that spin-off benefits unfairly favour the US. Copies of Girls Gone Wild Mexico are outselling copies of Poor Mexican Families Gone Wild by a wide margin.

Mexican officials are also bitter that US officials publicly complain of illegal aliens entering the country while privately demanding high illegal alien quotas. Mexican officials are furious that they were penalized recently for not maintaining quotas by having a US citizen Jack Black play the lead role in Natcho Libra over Salma Hayek. Former CIA agent Oliver North is appalled at the depths that US foreign policy has sunk to "I think that a congressional inquiry is in order".

The LAFTA operation includes operatives called "boomerangos" that repeatedly enter the US and then immediately surrender to border official to keep US capture statistics at artificially high levels. In an interview with 60 Minutes top boomerango Miguel Sanchez admits to entering the US and surrendering immediately to US border officials 5,347 times. Mr. Sanchez said "At first it was like paintball, the Border Patrol were not very good shots. They always aim at our heads so we just learn to duck or walk on all fours like a burro, It's a lot harder to dodge bullets with automatic weapons. I pick up a few moves from watching Dancing with the Stars that help".

Mexican-American comedian and unofficial LAFTA spokesman George Lopez warns of the consequences to Mexico and America without LAFTA. "This is a crisis on the scale of global warming, it may mean the beginning of the end of comedy as we know it."

Fans leaving a recent show by Lopez agree the absence of LAFTA is already being felt.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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